Christmas dinner at midday 😱

[PleaseTakeItOff]

This is bonkers, isn’t it?

Having dinner at DM’s tomorrow and dbro, SIL and their 2 dc will also be there (they’re staying at DM’s, we’re local). Popped round today and asked what time they want us there tomorrow so I can finish assembling trifle and set table etc. DM says 2/3, SIL looks aghast and says that it needs to be on the table at 12 as their dc (2yo and 4yo) always have lunch then. DM and I suggest they have a sandwich lunch and we do Christmas dinner at their tea time instead so 4/5ish but SIL thinks that’s ridiculous.

This now means we’ll have to get up even earlier for dc to have time to open and play with their presents for a few hours before walking over to DM’s at 10.30. It means DM is stressed about having to get up even earlier to start dinner rather than being able to enjoy a leisurely breakfast, morning of present opening. Dbro thinks we should do what SIL wants and as it’s her first Christmas she’s spent with our side of the family rather than hers then of course we all want to try and accommodate her. I’ve never really done Christmas with people other than my own family and now I’m wondering if it’s odd not to have Christmas dinner at midday.

Same. I'm northern and we always ate Christmas lunch between 12-1pm. The first time I stayed with my southern husband's family for Christmas I was surprised to find out that the main meal was planned for 7-8pm.

We're having ours at 6pm this year as we have a toddler and he's normally in a better mood just before bedtime compared to just before nap time.

I thought all kids were full of chocolate until 2pm on Christmas Day...

@PleaseTakeItOff "maybe" the turkey doesn't get put in on time/finish cooking and you end up eating at 1:00?

My SIL is very like this-unaware that ppl do things differently than her and expecting everyone to jump to her tune.

People who go somewhere as a guest and try and dictate the terms/timings etc are, in my opinion, extremely rude.

Please update tomorrow

We always have it when it gets dark. Circa 3:30- 4 pm. My MIL totally threw her toys out of the pram the first time she came to us and sulked throughout the meal (at 4). However we stuck to our guns and if IL's or anyone else is coming they eat at 4. They don't have to come after all.

Eating so early is ridiculous because it means the people cooking have to get up early and the whole daylight part of the day is wasted. This is particularly important with small kids.

So she didnt 'dictate' anything, she just gave a look

I do really think this is a bit odd to be honest, moaning about something that you and your mum have agreed to. You should have just carried on with your plans, she can look all she wants.

It's in the OP. The SIL said it had to be "on the table for 12" as that is when her kids eat.

That's funny @TheBirdintheCave as I am a southerner and DH is a northerner!

I think on reflection that the main difference between us and our inlaws (and it's really BIL and SIL not DPILs) is that our Christmas traditions aren't set in stone and we do change what we do depending on who's coming and to make guests comfortable. I would rather people spoke up if a meal was really early or late for them.

This is why we never have Christmas lunch but always Christmas Dinner. Small children get a simple lunch and all day to play with presents. Adults get all day to prep food so no one is up at 3am sticking a turkey in the oven.

Eating at 5-6pm sounds like a great idea.

I don't really see providing the kids with a sandwich at 12 to keep them going until a large main meal as being either unwelcoming or inflexible.

I must be an outlier on this thread because I don’t understand why people eat Christmas lunch at a wildly different time to when they’d normally eat lunch. Surely your body clock doesn’t randomly change on Christmas Day?

Personally we tend to eat lunch around 1 or 2pm most days so that’s what we do on Christmas Day. If I suddenly had to wait until 4pm for lunch on Christmas Day I’d struggle. But I think in OPs case everyone should compromise a bit, SILs preference shouldn’t override everyone else’s.

As long as they offer SIL a sandwich too! It's not like you can just nip to the shop on Xmas day...

12 is extremely early. when I have had small children with us for Christmas lunch we have still eaten around 1.30 to 2. And the have had snacks to keep them going.

@Scooopsahoy I agree and the very least you can do is tell people approximately what times meals are - and if they're likely to be up 3 hours before you take that into account. This is like one of those wedding threads!

grown up with christmas meal being called "christmas dinner", so we've always had it 4-5pm.

as a child we ate fruit, our christmas chocolate, butter pastries or toast while waiting for the meal.

now as an adult, my DCs do the same: adults have a couple of champagnes, butter pastries/croissants and we wait until late afternoon.

rude to try and force a change to a long-standing status quo.

Gosh that's ridiculous. Ours are 4 and 2 and need to be fed regularly or they'll turn feral, could you adopt our plan?

Starter at lunchtime when PIL arrive.

Soup during toddler nap.

Main around 4 when toddler is up and awake.

We like to do it slowly, get up and down between courses, have a rest.

Sounds like my entitled SIL , everything should revolve around her baby’s sleep routine apparently! Even on Xmas day, the routine cannot be broken…. The world really does circle around them and nobody else, bloody ridiculous

I think the problem is more that your DB and DSIL are insisting that Xmas meal is done for midday, rather than the time of the meal itself. As a host, I'd not want to be told what time I should have a meal cooked/ready by. As a guest, I wouldn't tell a host when I want a meal to be ready for .

FWIW, I tend to cook an Xmas meal to be ready between midday and 2pm (but then DC and I tend to be early risers) as it means I can clear up and just put out picky bits for later on.

People can eat when they want - it should be at the convenience of the host though.

5pm is a normal dinner time for kids that age.

Personally i like the main Christmas meal at 1. So if I am hosting that's when we eat so I can relax in the afternoon. However if I am a guest I go with what the gost wants to do. Your SIL is very rude.

I'm with you. We have DC who usually eat at 12 so I'd say 1pm for Xmas lunch is fine as they can have a few nibbles..but 3 just means they'll want lunch at 12 and won't eat Xmas dinner so will miss out. It also means they won't want to sit at the table and ruin it for us too.

My in-laws do Xmas 'lunch' at 5, expect us there at 11 and don't offer any snacks. I've learnt to hide snacks in my bag!

Your SIL and brother are rude.

5pm is a reasonable tea time for kids and they can just have something easy at lunch time.

Because Xmas lunch/dinner is so much larger than a normal meal it's nice just pottering around doing it and eating later! Listening to carols as you go.

Yes, that's nice for the person prepping but not so nice for the person wrangling underslept, hungry toddlers possibly in a house full of nick nacks! Especially if they got up at 5 and weren't offered lunch...

My family have always started Christmas lunch around 2:30 - 3 pm. My ex ILs always had it much earlier so that it was eaten and all the washing up done before the Queen’s Speech at 3pm. There’s no reason it couldn’t be at 12:00 or at 7pm. Every family develops their own traditions.