Christmas dinner at midday 😱

[PleaseTakeItOff]

This is bonkers, isn’t it?

Having dinner at DM’s tomorrow and dbro, SIL and their 2 dc will also be there (they’re staying at DM’s, we’re local). Popped round today and asked what time they want us there tomorrow so I can finish assembling trifle and set table etc. DM says 2/3, SIL looks aghast and says that it needs to be on the table at 12 as their dc (2yo and 4yo) always have lunch then. DM and I suggest they have a sandwich lunch and we do Christmas dinner at their tea time instead so 4/5ish but SIL thinks that’s ridiculous.

This now means we’ll have to get up even earlier for dc to have time to open and play with their presents for a few hours before walking over to DM’s at 10.30. It means DM is stressed about having to get up even earlier to start dinner rather than being able to enjoy a leisurely breakfast, morning of present opening. Dbro thinks we should do what SIL wants and as it’s her first Christmas she’s spent with our side of the family rather than hers then of course we all want to try and accommodate her. I’ve never really done Christmas with people other than my own family and now I’m wondering if it’s odd not to have Christmas dinner at midday.

Host sets the time! Our kids (10mo and a 3yo) nap/have quiet time 12.30 til around 2pm, so we'll be giving them something small (toast and yoghurt or similar) before then, and aiming to eat full Christmas Dinner around 3.30pm. Also means I get the bulk of it sorted, with a glass of something, while they're out of the way!

She's not a guest, she's been with your believer long enough to make two kids, surely that makes her family.
A simple gosh Amber we'll never get it on the table for then, perhaps the children can have a late breakfast / snack and we'll aim for 1.30" would suffice. Is she going to leave? Having a screaming fit? Start a MN thread about you?

She sounds like a pain and I wouldn't be pndering to it. The children can just have some snacks to tide them over, they will be fine. Having a rough routine is good, having a super strict routine that cannot change no matter what happens is ridiculous. There needs to be flexibility sometimes.

Sorry, I don’t understand why you are falling in line with SIL.

It’s your mum’s house, SIL and BIL need to accept they are guests and stay in their box. DM should TELL them when dinner is.

Does your brother ever host or women just expected to dance attendance on him and his partner?

A 4yo and 2yo aren't the 'main' guests of Chistmas lunch, SIL will be lucky if they eat much at all given the excitement at that age. So Xmas lunch shouldn't be set around them!

Some parents are totally inflexible about their children's routine though. We pretty much stopped seeing my sister and BIL during their children's toddler years because everything had to be done by their timetable.

There's no reason the children couldn't be given a snack at 12 and then join the Chistmas lunch later.

If it's any consolation, any time we've tried to do Chistmas lunch earlier we've always ended up taking longer and serving it later than planned anyway....

Midday is crazy. As a child we had lunch around 2pm, but if it was later it wasn't an issue, as an adult I prefer to cook Christmas dinner for around 7ish. My ex's family always had Christmas dinner at 1pm on the dot which I found ridiculous that the whole day had to be timed to precision to eat at that time

@poefaced they've gone to SILs parents before, then not travelled for the last couple of years due to Covid (they live abroad). I’m not sure if dbro normally cooks or if it’s SIL.

No chance. The toddlers can have a normal lunch then Christmas Dinner as their tea.

I was the SIL once upon a time, with a child who woke immovably around 5am and struggled with all routine changes (later found she had some SEN). I suffered several miserable, hungry Christmas days where DD ate nothing at all when the overly complex meal was finally served between 5pm and 7pm (no lunch offered, just snacks).

I wouldn't have had an issue with the Christmas dinner at tea time if I'd been offered lunch. Whether midday is early or late does rather depend what time the sodding child(ren) got you up!

Personally when I host people I like them to be comfortable and I don't expect them to fast for 10-12 hours.

We don't go there for Christmas any more.

Midday is way too early! Regardless you shouldn't all be fitting around little kids who can just eat a normal sandwich lunch at that time. 4-5 is much more like it.

Ridiculous time to have it . We are going to my sisters and the agreement is presents at 3 , dinner 4-4:30 . Even on a normal day we don’t have lunch until gone 1 .

Ha we're having lunch at midday. BUT that's because everyone young and old prefers it early and dm and I are up with the larks anyway.

It's crazy sil thinks she can change everyone else's schedule (particularly your mum having to make the bloody thing) to suit her kids who let's face it are not going to eat much of the meal.

I'd get Dbro to get up early and make the bloody thing if he's so insistent. It's so rude to foist this (I'm assuming late in the day) on the host

I think a lot of people on here have forgotten how shit having toddlers is. Interesting also how the SIL is getting all the blame for being unreasonable. I wonder if the husband is one of those who downs tools once back in the family home?

Op - if you are eating at 12, why would you have to get there for 10:30? Surely you an just aim to get there for 11:30ish?

I’ve always had Xmas lunch at around 12:30-1:00 and might slightly panic if someone suggested later as I’d be starving. But the suggestion of a lunchtime sandwich and then a 4pm meal seemed ok. Maybe I’ll try that tomorrow and see if it makes for a more relaxing morning. To be honest I’d rather get it out the way with and then I feel I can enjoy the afternoon/evening.

I can see why she prefers midday, in my experience DD basically finishes eating and starts hassling everyone else. You can’t have a leisurely dinner with most 2yr olds. i would probably if I’m being honest prefer lunch at midday and then finger foods for the kids for dinner, be easier to get them into bed. BUT I wouldn’t inflict my way of doing things where I was the guest.

1pm here, primary aged DC who will have been up with the lark. It’s Xmas lunch, after all. Can’t abide eating at 3pm and later than that is an early dinner, not lunch, meaning you’ve missed a meal. Xmas day teatime is a buffet around 6pm here.

“of course we are happy to eat earlier for the kids, happy to wash up after you’ve slaved away preparing it”.

Christ, the turkey is going to have to go in at bleary-eyed o'clock.

I'm already stressing that we're doing starters at 1 and turkey at 3pm.

Then I remember that we are hosting my parents who are laid back.

When my kids were toddlers and we had Christmas, or any other similar occasion at other people’s houses then we pretty much just fed the kids at their normal (ish) mealtimes and fitted in with whatever timings worked for the host for the big meal. My parents prefer a 2/3pm meal so kids had a light lunch at 12ish. In-laws are 12 on the dot people (crazy in my opinion) but then my kids need “tea” at 4/5pm anyway even after Christmas lunch.

In my opinion toddlers don’t give a stuff about Christmas dinner and will eat hardly any of it anyway so the meal timings shouldn’t revolve round them!

Also - go everyone saying they can’t stomach a big meal at lunchtime, it’s a glorified roast dinner. If you can eat one of those on a Sunday lunchtime, what’s the difference?

As a PP has said, your DB needs to step up here. I'd phone him, say it's not fair expecting your DM to squash her schedule, and tell him he needs to step up and get up early to start.
He'll say he doesn't know what to do, that he can't do it, and that it won't be good if he does it. This is learned helplessness - he can follow instructions.
Your poor DM. We eat at midday in our house but I'd expect to fit in with whatever time if someone else was hosting. Who the fuck does your SIL think she is?

SIL sounds like a nightmare. The rigidity of a set lunch time that cannot be broken, even on Christmas, is ridiculous. The kids won’t starve. She just has to be able to adapt. I’d suggest that your DM has it ready when it suits her!

Always been 2/3ish with us. Might be 4ish this year as my mum has copd and struggles to get going in the day.

Well, it’s done now. Say 12 but serve at 1pm as it’s “late”.