Christmas dinner at midday 😱

[PleaseTakeItOff]

This is bonkers, isn’t it?

Having dinner at DM’s tomorrow and dbro, SIL and their 2 dc will also be there (they’re staying at DM’s, we’re local). Popped round today and asked what time they want us there tomorrow so I can finish assembling trifle and set table etc. DM says 2/3, SIL looks aghast and says that it needs to be on the table at 12 as their dc (2yo and 4yo) always have lunch then. DM and I suggest they have a sandwich lunch and we do Christmas dinner at their tea time instead so 4/5ish but SIL thinks that’s ridiculous.

This now means we’ll have to get up even earlier for dc to have time to open and play with their presents for a few hours before walking over to DM’s at 10.30. It means DM is stressed about having to get up even earlier to start dinner rather than being able to enjoy a leisurely breakfast, morning of present opening. Dbro thinks we should do what SIL wants and as it’s her first Christmas she’s spent with our side of the family rather than hers then of course we all want to try and accommodate her. I’ve never really done Christmas with people other than my own family and now I’m wondering if it’s odd not to have Christmas dinner at midday.

Why on earth do you think SIL feels unwelcome and won’t want to come again? We’ve changed all our plans to accommodate her, she’s not having to lift a finger unless she wants to, I’m not sure how much more welcoming we could be.

Tell her the whole family doesn't revolve around her kids and to give them a selection box and lighten up. Dinner is at 4. Don't like it, Google the nearest McDonald's.

We usually eat at 3 and that is often considered early. Couldn't eat at 12, I'd feel like I was eating it for breakfast.

My ex-ILs liked to eat main lunch early (ie at 12) so Xmas lunch was a compromise for them at 1pm. My family were much more 3 -4pm (so my mum could avoid the Queen's speech). So it was very tricky when we hosted Christmas the 1st time.

My recommendation - smile sweetly, agree, but take ages and ages getting the food ready. You probably could, with delay tactics, actually serve at 1. Just offer to your Mum to take over the kitchen, refuse most help, create a mini-crisis or 2. Job done. No-one offended and no-one eating at 12.

Now on the other hand - my brother who done sweet FA this Xmas and every bloody Xmas - wont tell my mum what time he is turning up tomorrow. We will eat without him - but bloody hell - I have made the main veggie dish to fit in with his dietary needs. So I do get bad family dynamics.

I totally get people struggling with kids and their routines, it can be destressing when the kids get over-tired, over-hungry and overstimulated, I'm not saying the kids get to dictate but the parents are probably hoping it will result in a more enjoyable time for everyone - but the number of adults that are saying they couldn't cope with a change in mealtimes is surprising. You can't eat a light snack to hold yourself over? A few nuts, some fruit, the box of Quality Street if you must?

I mean, we just have xmas lunch, so, midday. I never understood why on xmas day food suddenly got served at weird times, but then i'm autistic so, maybe
I'm missing something

I don't feel comfortable helping myself to food all day in someone else's house! (If they even have it out). Or whipping out snacks - which you also need to know to bring. In our similar scenario we'd been up the best part of 12 hours before a meal was served...it's not like waiting an hour for lunch or something.

Communication is key. The Dbro didn't here - and now his mum and sister think his wife is a pain and feel they have to rush.

your DM can decide.
The children can have a plate of snack food at 12, surely? They'll be all the more hungry for dinner then.

Totally insane to consider getting xmas fine ready for midday. The turkey will probably need to go in at 7am!!

That aside, I can’t imagine even fancying a massive roast dinner at midday. I am aiming to have the main event between 1:30-2.

I don’t like really late Xmas lunches as I find I don’t have enough time to digest the food and I like to have picky bits in the evening which I want to be peckish for but 12 is crazy!

Sorry that would be my day ruined

Your suggestion of a sandwich lunch for the kids and then Christmas dinner at their tea time makes perfect sense. What's her objection to that?

Well we have ours between 12 and 1! Always did as kids too. I don’t see the problem! Shove a few things in the oven, turn on the streamer for the veg. I don’t get the drama.

Same here, I’ve never met anyone who eats at 1-3 pm or calls it lunch. But we’ve always done other stuff during the day, and typically are all staying in one house so no need to worry about driving or sobering up afterward.

@YouJustDoYou its because a lot of people struggle to eat large dinners at only midday coupled with the fact a turkey can take anywhere between 3 and 5 hours to cook depending on the size and ideally needs an hour to rest so if you had a large turkey it would need to go in at 6am to be ready for 12, which would likely mean getting up at 5:30am to preheat the oven which a lot of people just aren’t up for on Xmas day - they would like to have a lie in.

We eat Indian snacks along with pigs in blankets, cakes, chocks, kebabs, samosa, fritters, suage rolls, cheesy bites and cakes etc and cups of tea etc around 130 toish until 3-30 and then open presents - then drinks and snaks and main dinner is about 7ish and then more drinks and snacks and bed is often 1/2am

We may watch EE/Coronation street may not as often loads of presents for the 2 grandchildren and last year we left a few unopened as there were so many and opened those boxing day at our children's homes.

12 is to ruddy early - give the kids a meal/snack - we often have breakfast then but tomorrow it will be an early one and possibly not a full fry up

We are Brit Indians

She was probably just put on the spot and panicked and spoke her mind and is now kicking herself. I blame your brother, he would surely have known your family traditions and that lunch would be later and then she could have planned what to do to avoid a toddler meltdown.

It’s a narrative , Christmas lunch is apparently so stressful (despite is basically being Sunday lunch which seems to be able to be cooked frequently without drama).

but objectively you are absolutely right. People seem to thrive on drama over Christmas.

shopping like they’re prepping for nuclear war rather than shops closed for one day

Maybe some Christmas meals are a bit more involved than shoving and steaming...I know ours will be, otherwise it would be like a midweek meal

Do you normally have the main meal of the day at noon? If so fair enough - but I though most people ate their main meal in the evening - about 12 hours after they get up!

1 year old and 5 year old here - We are having sandwich lunch at 12 and then Xmas dinner at 4 to accommodate everyone coming over (usual dinner time brought forward a little) SIL is being bonkers! For any adults we will lay out dips etc from 12. I’d push back on this one, why does her way go??

I don't usually cook for 12 for Sunday lunch.

I've booked lunch at the pub for 12, and then we're delivering food to the homeless and vulnerable straight afterwards

You eat when the hosts eat. Dc can eat earlier.

If your dd was disruptive, how was that PIL’s fault?

Christmas lunch is lunch time around 1pm, me and DH have always done this with our families growing up and now do it with our own kids. I wouldn’t like to eat at an arbitrary time in the afternoon out of sync of when I typically get hungry.

why can’t the kids eat separately? assuming at that age they would a) want to play with their toys and b ) wouldn’t consume a whole christmas dinner with all the different elements anyway? they’re too little to be missing out on a proper christmas dinner, give them food as they would normally, assuming there will be lots of suitable things that they can eat then. how bizarre of your sil. hope she offers to help cook.

I don’t doubt it’s partly dbro’s fault for not explaining to SIL what time we were eating. She’s Swiss, they live in Switzerland and when I’ve been to stay with them previously (admittedly pre kids) they always did a light lunch and big evening meal. It just hadn’t occurred to me that they would want to eat a massive roast bang on midday.