To hire a nanny for weekends my husband is working

[woofwoof71]

This Christmas, as I imagine most of the UK right now, we are all ill. We’ve had strep, food poisoning and now flu. Happens every year right?

My husband has recently gone back to work after being injured so for the last 6 months parenting and family life has been great and he’s helped with nursery runs etc and I’ve got used to having him around. However he’s a shift worker and I’m dreading him going back to work. He has every Friday off to look after our little boy and I work from home so we manage it more like 50/50 between us and he often will then go and do a nightshift for 12 hours on a Friday night.

Now 5 weekends in a row he will be working both Sat and Sun 6.30am - 6.30pm (the next 5 he would be off) meaning he leaves before baby is awake and gets back when he’s already asleep or just going in his cot. And I find these weekends totally overwhelming. I work a hard job Mon-Fri and I find the weekends I have to do everything by myself just totally and utterly exhausting to the point I’m constantly run down or getting ill. We have no family within 3 hours of us so don’t get ANY help, if baby is ill and we’re I’ll it’s tough shit.

I earn enough money that I could hire a nanny for the afternoons or mornings to help out and just give me a bit of rest bite. However my family have arrived for Xmas and when explaining they’ve said ‘everyone else in the UK manages, I think you’re being very dramatic and unnecessary’.

AIBU to spend my money how I wish and actually look after my own physical and mental health?!

I was similar, worked FT and then 3 out of 4 weekends my DH worked. It's bloody hard! If you can afford it, do it!

I can see where you’re coming from however I wouldn’t do this purely because I work 5 days a week and it seeing DS for the whole weekend would make me feel guilty.

And not seeing*

OP says morning or afternoon so plenty of time to 'see' child.

Just to add I know you said mornings/ afternoons but that only leaves a short window of awake time for a baby/toddler to be with you.

If you've got the money could you not outsource some of the other tasks that you'd be doing on your weekend instead of outsourcing childcare at the weekend?

Do it. I look back on my childrens early years and i just remember being exhausted and stressed as i tried to 'do it all' far better have a lovely morning together and some help in the afternoon than run yourself ragged unecessarily.

Of course Yanbu. If you can afford it, what’s the problem?

Well what's the point of your husband working the weekend If you are just going to hire a nanny? What's the pay difference cos if by the time you've paid the nanny you are only £50 up seems completely pointless.
But yeah I do agree with your family tbh but I'm a single parent on a low income so couldn't afford a nanny have no choice but to crack on whether I'm ill or not (and I am horrendously ill right now on week 4 no idea how I'm going to manage Christmas) just find a babysitter to use ad hoc.

"rest bite" 😂(the word is respite, OP).

I'd worry that the child wouldn't bond well with this nanny (babysitter surely?) and it'll be hard work for you to get him to settle. What will you do with your mornings/afternoons when baby is in childcare? If it's just chores then don't bother. If it's actual time off then give it a go if you can afford it.

I probably should have clarified, I would have a nanny from 2.30pm - 5.30pm and I would still be in the house I wouldn’t go out and leave them. Or I would have a nanny from 8.30am - 12.30am.

Pay difference is massive. £15 an hour for a nanny so max 4 hours is £60 and his day rate is £250.

Well if you don't wish to provide primary care for your dc and can afford it then there is certainly no need for you to do so. An alternative would be a home help or housekeeper so you could spend quality time with your son whilst someone else cooks, cleans, does laundry.

This made me laugh, thank you, every day is a school day!!

The nanny would be his nursery worker who he has known for over 14 months now and is a second mum to him and they adore each other.

How old is baby? Realistically with you still in the house they might not want to stay with a nanny or babysitter and just cry for you!

i would outsource everything else first, get a cleaner, order meals in or have meals out, have nice days out with DC, or a weekend away in a family hotel. I don’t think you get much rest being in the house while DC is with a stranger.

I don’t do any chores at the weekend. We have a cleaner once a week and husband and I share 50/50 of the other chores and always do them as soon as he goes to bed Mon-Fri so weekends we have ‘off’ from chores.

Could you drop to 4 days a week but keep childcare 5 days a week? It might give you more of a proper rest and I worry your child wouldn't settle with a babysitter with you in the house

Ok just saw your update. The difference is that you are there and you might find that you DC will want to be with you not his nursery worker. I would also spend money on a housekeeper not a nanny.

@AllIwantforChristmas22 The nanny would be his nursery worker who he has known for over 14 months now and is a second mum to him and they adore each other.

We already have a cleaner and have a no chores on weekend rule. We have a dog so going away is difficult unless she comes too and then it’s in no way relaxing 😂

Yes, a housekeeper type arrangement would be better.

My child would just want to be with me while I was there. So I would rather get someone in to clean/tidy/cook/do the laundry while I sat and played with ds.

Sadly not, we couldn’t afford the financial drop, it would be around £1500 a month for me to drop a day a week which is the entire cost of nursery.

You do whatever you need to do for your career and your sanity. It's a few hours here and there. It's got bugger all to do with your family or anyone else for that matter. Your child will be fine x

@woofwoof71 as I said you being in the house changes the situation. I don’t think it will work sorry. What’s the point of doing no chores on the weekend? Surely just means the house is a mess on Monday 🫣

Bloody do it! I’d personally want a home help slash nanny.

Yanbu -when I started nannying this is what I did. Just went at the weekends for four hours or less whilst they got on with things that needed doing. They were in the house so it's not like they weren't seeing their child for the entire weekend! But it meant the time spent together with the kids was really nice rather than them stressing about the jobs that needed doing

Thank you 😘he knows the nanny already and adores her and would be happy playing with her whilst I was in the house and she often babysits if we want to go for a meal (I say often, it’s been 3 times in a year!).

i just feel like it would make a massive difference to my mental health being able to have a shower and a wee in peace.