To hire a nanny for weekends my husband is working

[woofwoof71]

This Christmas, as I imagine most of the UK right now, we are all ill. We’ve had strep, food poisoning and now flu. Happens every year right?

My husband has recently gone back to work after being injured so for the last 6 months parenting and family life has been great and he’s helped with nursery runs etc and I’ve got used to having him around. However he’s a shift worker and I’m dreading him going back to work. He has every Friday off to look after our little boy and I work from home so we manage it more like 50/50 between us and he often will then go and do a nightshift for 12 hours on a Friday night.

Now 5 weekends in a row he will be working both Sat and Sun 6.30am - 6.30pm (the next 5 he would be off) meaning he leaves before baby is awake and gets back when he’s already asleep or just going in his cot. And I find these weekends totally overwhelming. I work a hard job Mon-Fri and I find the weekends I have to do everything by myself just totally and utterly exhausting to the point I’m constantly run down or getting ill. We have no family within 3 hours of us so don’t get ANY help, if baby is ill and we’re I’ll it’s tough shit.

I earn enough money that I could hire a nanny for the afternoons or mornings to help out and just give me a bit of rest bite. However my family have arrived for Xmas and when explaining they’ve said ‘everyone else in the UK manages, I think you’re being very dramatic and unnecessary’.

AIBU to spend my money how I wish and actually look after my own physical and mental health?!

That's a shame.

I would go for the weekend nanny thing then but I would be inclined personally to one whole day (say 10-4) rather than two half days because then you can do more with it - e.g. meet a friend or go out.

Working full time and then being in sole charge for the whole weekend is a lot and if you can afford to make it easier, do it

I hired a mother's help when my twins were babies - she was worse than having no one - bloody useless - but the idea is a great one in principle!

Sounds like a win/win to me. Go for it!

This wouldn’t be a new set up, we’ve already done it a few times. Loves the nanny and happily plays with her whilst I’m in the house.

We just tidy up when he goes to bed but all laundry is done Mon-Fri and cleaner comes Monday morning. Food is all prepped during the week for slow cooker meals at weekend.

Do whatever it takes to feel ok. I tried to be the perfect mother when I had small kids but looking back I can see that it just made me depressed. I was permanently exhausted and had no down time. Good luck xxx

you can afford it and only people saying no can’t offer help and have no real understanding of how burnt out you are? They won’t even know if you do it op, so crack on. It’s a few hours of care that will make you happier, lots of people get this from family support so no difference

Sounds a great idea, if you have the money do it.

I'd say there are single parents trying to read this thread who cannot focus because their heads are currently spinning 360⁰

I would love to just.....not parent....when I'm tired too, maybe I'm just envious!

Do whatever suits you, OP. You can spend your own money how you want.

Just out of curiousity, what do you plan on doing at the weekend?

But if you work 5 days a week then use a nanny both days of the weekend, when do you actually have a decent chunk of time with your children yourself?

Or do you mean more like a mother's help, second pair of hands with you around as well?

My sister used to hire a nanny for two weeks rather than go away on holiday - so she could spend some time with her husband and the kids in a less stressful environment - she didn't live near family so they never had support closeby - whatever gets you through do it!

Go for it. I had a colleague who had a weekend nanny so her and her husband could sleep in! Great for their marriage!

If you can afford it and it works for everyone involved, why does it mater what other people think?
Presumably if its his nursery worker, she is doing this as an "extra" to boost her main income.(I know nursery work is generally pretty poorly paid) Only because im wondering how it works for the nanny if they're only needed for certain weekends and not others

I know someone who has a weekend nanny Saturday lunchtime to Sunday lunchtime - they go away if they feel like it or just out for dinner and then a lie in. I am a bit jealous!

….and we have no family support so I’m very aware of how often other people have grandparents and other family stepping in to help them. It’s usually fairly often! I’ve dragged mine along to the dentist, smear tests, moving house- everything. So if you can get help, do it.

I think it's your money and if you feel it will impact you positively and be in the best interest of your child then go for it!

I will say, as a single parent with absolutely no support, little money, work and a house to run with literally no one, I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin at the moment and am desperate for some help so I can relate. In nearly 3 years I have not had a single night or day away aside from when I've been working a couple of times a week. I barely get time to brush my hair but I make do because I have to. You're in a very lucky position OP to have a cleaner, a solid partner and to be able to afford childcare and I would definitely do it if I felt I needed it and was able to.

YANBU. I agree resting and maintaining good mental health should be a priority given how busy you are and all the recent illnesses.

In the long-term though, your joint schedule does seem a little...gruelling, alongside caring for a young child. Is there no possible 'give' in either of your jobs that could make things easier?

This is kind of how I feel. People with grandparents near by who get hell already have this informally in place. I think a lot of the pushback from my family is because they feel they could do more but don’t…! It’s like a ‘you’re having to get a nanny because we don’t help out enough’ which is absolutely true.

Had a child and bought a big house for visitors as my mum said she would have him one day a week, all pregnancy super excited to do her one day a week helping and be around the night before to help etc. As soon as baby arrived her partner decided they didn’t want the commitment of a weekly arrangement and it would affect their 8 holidays a year. So now they come once a month and see him for a few hours.

If you have money cam you not outsource the house hold tasks? Ironing, cleaning and gardening. Definitely do the food shop online and get it delivered

I can't see any harm in this, it's not really a nanny set up though, you're basically just getting a babysitter for a few hours. I wonder if the use of the word 'nanny' is why you've had a few strong opinions against it.

From your description your weekends aren't particularly busy enough to require a nanny so if you'd said you wanted one for two full days I can understand why people might've wondered why. But this isn't really anything different than getting a babysitter for an evening meal or cinema trip etc.

how Many days a week does your partner work? Is your child in nursery 5 days a week? I wouldn’t have childcare 7 days a week, no, I don’t think that’s good for a child to be with their nursery worker more than their parents. Also when is his nursery worker getting a break if she’s working full time and babysitting both days of the weekend?

Just do it. Your baby doesn't know they are paid, for all baby knows they could be a relative, there's already an attachment from nursery. I wouldn't stay in though I'd go out for one of the sessions

You do exactly what you want/need to suit you. Ignore those saying you need to get on with it etc. Happy relaxed Mummy equals Happy Baby 👶

Not sure you saw my previous posts. Nursery Mon-Thurs. Fridays all day with myself and husband.

Husband works 6 on 2 off, but that obviously changes each week.

I certainly wouldn’t be sending my child to childcare 7 days a week 😂

Great idea.

Of course you should get help. Great time of year to find an impoverished student eager to work.