To hire a nanny for weekends my husband is working

[woofwoof71]

This Christmas, as I imagine most of the UK right now, we are all ill. We’ve had strep, food poisoning and now flu. Happens every year right?

My husband has recently gone back to work after being injured so for the last 6 months parenting and family life has been great and he’s helped with nursery runs etc and I’ve got used to having him around. However he’s a shift worker and I’m dreading him going back to work. He has every Friday off to look after our little boy and I work from home so we manage it more like 50/50 between us and he often will then go and do a nightshift for 12 hours on a Friday night.

Now 5 weekends in a row he will be working both Sat and Sun 6.30am - 6.30pm (the next 5 he would be off) meaning he leaves before baby is awake and gets back when he’s already asleep or just going in his cot. And I find these weekends totally overwhelming. I work a hard job Mon-Fri and I find the weekends I have to do everything by myself just totally and utterly exhausting to the point I’m constantly run down or getting ill. We have no family within 3 hours of us so don’t get ANY help, if baby is ill and we’re I’ll it’s tough shit.

I earn enough money that I could hire a nanny for the afternoons or mornings to help out and just give me a bit of rest bite. However my family have arrived for Xmas and when explaining they’ve said ‘everyone else in the UK manages, I think you’re being very dramatic and unnecessary’.

AIBU to spend my money how I wish and actually look after my own physical and mental health?!

Oh my word I used the word ‘feel’ so much on my last ☺️

How was telling her that I was jealous and to go for it if she wanted to judgemental?

get your head out of your arse. And by saying you’d freeze then at the age they are absolutely backs up what I’m saying.

My friend has a gym membership where there is a free creche. On the weekends she goes for a swim/sauna etc.

Could be another alternative. I realised my post above where I said "so you could spend more time enjoying your baby" was a bit crappy. I bloody loved having a break from my kids, it was well needed. But if some more of the life admin or more flexible ways of having a break was available, other than a regular nanny you might need less respite and could be cheaper than tying you to a routine.

Some posters responses here are bizarre. Absolutely you should do this, bless you. Looking after yourself is so important. The arrangement with the nursery worker sounds fantastic.

You will be paying someone to help you in the way a grandparent or partner would. It is absolutely fine! Your time with your child will be better for you having this tiny bit of space.

@katepilar I think the tone of the original post is very clear that the OP knows her idea is reasonable and well thought out despite what her family says. Yes, she's looking for validation. I don't see what's so wrong about my comment. I'm essentially saying yes, it's obvious that your plan is fine, go ahead. Which is what she wants to hear.

"God how the other half live."

Is statement from the nasty side of jealousy. If you thought that was kind then you need to "take your head out of your arse"

hope you realise how fortunate you are!

I get no rest, no sleep

wishing I could afford to hire a cleaner

I’d personally rather hang out with my child

The whole post was judgemental - if you can't read that tone then you need to spend time considering your own feelings of envy and resentfulness. @MrsClausss

Oh go away, you don’t know my tone. It’s Christmas Eve, go do something more important with your time than trying to attach things to me and my post that aren’t there. How pathetic. And if you’re going to be rude to me then absolutely take your head out of your area. How arrogant you are.

So much judgement on this thread and more than a dash of envy here and there. You don’t have to slog through an entire weekend with a young child on your own OP, get some help in and have a break. There is no virtue in being a martyr, whatever other women people may tell you.

Some of the comments here are pass agg crackers. We have young kids and a full time nanny. Half of the time she's here my husband or I are technically around, but are tidying, cooking, sorting, building or a million and one other things that are just more easily done without a baby on your hip.

The arrangement you've put in place sounds ideal. Crack on and merry Christmas.

Absolutely do it! It's ideal she's the nursery worker.

@MrsClausss

You're right, I don't know your tone. But I can read it. Again, if you believe you think differently than how it comes across I genuinely recommend thinking it over. It sounds very resentful.
Merry Christmas, I am off for a Baileys.

I was going to say I'm not sure how easy it would be to find a weekend only nanny, but it sounds like you've got someone in mind and that's the biggest issue I was foreseeing. I think not all nurseries allow staff to work privately for clients but if yours does it sounds like an easy option, and like you'd have the option for it to be a bit more adhoc eg. To have a Sunday off so you can go for a day out but do the Saturday that week and both weekend days the next sort of thing.

My DD is 2 now as when she was 1 also wouldn't have been happy with someone else if I was at home, but if your son is fine with it I don't know what's holding you back.

Our family time is very limited. My DH and I only have a Sunday off together so the weeks can feel pretty long. I work full time (five days in four) in a very demanding job and I don't think people who have full weekends with heir partners every week understand the struggle of not having that.

I do find it a bit sad that you can’t cope with your own child for 2 days, especially when there is no cleaning etc to go with it.

I would be sad to think my child sees another person as their second mum.

What will you be doing whilst the nanny is there?

Will it not be odd to be sat watching tv or whatever whilst your child is in the next room without you?

If you need to do this then definitely do.

It’s more important to have a mum that is happy even if it means not spending much time with her, than one that is incredibly stressed out and unhappy.

Are you planning to have another child?
I think having a sibling for your child would be a nice idea for them.

As you can easily afford this and you want to do it just go ahead.
Whatever works for you!
It's not a usual thing here for various reasons but you have the right to live your life as you think best.

Yes I'd throw the cash at cleaning / laundry / ironing / meal boxes in the week so weekends are literally just you and the kids??

Are you thinking 1 morning (or afternoon) a weekend? That seems reasonable assuming toddler still naps.

I think your family are right though

I hired a Saturday nanny when my twins were a few months old and my husband was working. I wasn't even back at work I just couldn't/didn't want to cope on my own. I got lots of responses when I put an ad up, was very surprised! The one we chose unfortunately wasn't very reliable but was a huge help when she was there. It made the days bearable in a way they wouldn't have been otherwise (have another older child too).

I think if you had just said that your usual babysitter was going to pop over for a few hours on some weekends to give you a hand, you might have had a better response from others! The whole ‘nanny’ thing evokes images of privilege in some I think.

Do what you have to do to stay sane and enjoy your Xmas.

A babysitter comes to the house in the evening, just before or while the children are sleeping, and is a responsible adult in the house while the parents go out.

OP is looking for a nanny.

Do it. Sounds like a good set up and one you can use on the weekends you're alone. No one would bat an eye if your mum popped round for a few hours of a weekend to give you a break. Some people thrive on being busy and run like the duracell bunny and some need a break to be a responsive, calm happy mum the rest of the time. You can afford it - enjoy it!!

‘I’d do anything to go back to my son being 6 months and do it all again‘

Do you not like being around your son now he is the age he is? That’s a shame. I see this attitude with lots of mums. It’s important to let kids grow and flourish and becoming gradually independent of us.

And being able to work just whilst he sleeps does not sound like a full time or even part time job. So I am not sure you can have the medal you crave.

Such judgy attitudes to the OP here for daring to be able to afford a break. I would have loved to pay for extra help but we couldn’t afford it. It’s great that OP can.

A babysitter comes to the house in the evening, just before or while the children are sleeping, and is a responsible adult in the house while the parents go out.

Eh? A babysitter I don't think is exclusively limited to the evening? I'm pretty sure I got a babysitter at lunch time/afternoon for my toddlers when my dad was in hospital and ICU and the visiting hours were not always conducive to DH being home from work. I didn't have a nanny

Can we all pack it in with the sanctimonious bullshit guilting of a mum wanting help with childcare at the weekend because she should "treasure every moment" and be "making memories". Half of you makong those comments are likely on mumsnet and checked out right now.

Childcare is hard and often boring and it's even harder to magic up the energy to find sticks in the wood to make organic paintings when you are running on empty.

Cleaning the toilets and doing a food shop herself is far easier and if childcare is the help she wants to pay for then she should be supported and not being shamed for it.

If it will lead to her being recharged and her and her child having a nice and happy morning or afternoon then that's better than a mum scraping by.