To hire a nanny for weekends my husband is working

[woofwoof71]

This Christmas, as I imagine most of the UK right now, we are all ill. We’ve had strep, food poisoning and now flu. Happens every year right?

My husband has recently gone back to work after being injured so for the last 6 months parenting and family life has been great and he’s helped with nursery runs etc and I’ve got used to having him around. However he’s a shift worker and I’m dreading him going back to work. He has every Friday off to look after our little boy and I work from home so we manage it more like 50/50 between us and he often will then go and do a nightshift for 12 hours on a Friday night.

Now 5 weekends in a row he will be working both Sat and Sun 6.30am - 6.30pm (the next 5 he would be off) meaning he leaves before baby is awake and gets back when he’s already asleep or just going in his cot. And I find these weekends totally overwhelming. I work a hard job Mon-Fri and I find the weekends I have to do everything by myself just totally and utterly exhausting to the point I’m constantly run down or getting ill. We have no family within 3 hours of us so don’t get ANY help, if baby is ill and we’re I’ll it’s tough shit.

I earn enough money that I could hire a nanny for the afternoons or mornings to help out and just give me a bit of rest bite. However my family have arrived for Xmas and when explaining they’ve said ‘everyone else in the UK manages, I think you’re being very dramatic and unnecessary’.

AIBU to spend my money how I wish and actually look after my own physical and mental health?!

How many children do you have? It reads like it’s just one?

if so can you maybe give more detail as to why looking after him alone is so overwhelming for you ? I see you have cleaner etc, so it’s not other chores. I think understanding the root issue is key here.

Also what will you be doing when the nanny is in the house caring for your child?

If you can afford it do it. You earn enough money if you need a break at the weekend have one. It’s a lot to work full time and then do parenting solo all weekend. Yes people manage without. However you may find you have more quality time with your little one if you have a break built in.

I find my very well behaved two year old exhausting and overwhelming as well.

In my case I suspect some of it is age (I am 42) and also that I don’t have any help. He’s lovely, but I do dream of just being able to have a lie down, watch some television, read, sometimes on the weekend.

Do what works f9r you
Nanny sounds like someone baby knows well

I would do it for a couple of hours on a Saturday morning so I could go to the gym or something. I don't see anything wrong with it. However in the longer term I would sit down with your husband and have a think about your family priorities. It sounds like you both work long hours in well paid jobs and could afford to cut your hours for an improved quality of life. It's a shame to be not enjoying your family weekends just to earn money that you don't actually need. Can husband cut his hours so he's around more?

Also I can see that a full weekend alone with a 4 year old can be tedious - can you try to develop more of a social life with other mums and break it up that way? It's so nice to see your child playing with their friends while you have snatches of adult conversation.

@woofwoof71

The nanny would be his nursery worker who he has known for over 14 months now and is a second mum to him and they adore each other.

I did exactly what you're suggesting 15 years ago and it helped me no end. The weekends when DH was away and I had 3 hours to do my own thing... heaven.

We also used my DC's key carer, and do you know, she has remained a major part of my children's lives to this day. They love her. 😍

Ignore your family - most parents are not left to parent single handed for numerous weekends whilst their partner is working 12 hour shifts.

Your money, spend it how you like. If a nanny helps you parent your dc and keep up with a demanding job, then it’s a great idea.

Having a shower, reading a book, relaxing after a busy week. Does it matter? OPfeels like she needs a break for the sake of her mental health. It makes sense to spend money on a nanny now rather than burn out, be exhausted and have to take time off work in the long term.

You can afford it and it's what you want to do so go for it, you don't need permission or approval from anyone.

Do whatever you need to do to keep well.

@woofwoof71 go for it. I read all your posts and it sounds a perfect solution (you both share chores, you are organised with meals etc) and as for family - given they were going to help and now don’t I can’t see how they can criticise.

It’s none of anyone else’s business…..have faith that you know what’s best for you and do it!

If you need more of a reason, your child is going to be much happier if you’re less stressed and you’re well. It’ll bring you peace even when the nanny isn’t there because you’ll know she’s on her way and you’ll feel supported.

Sounds like a brilliant idea! You should spend your money however you see fit and this sounds like a really nice way to go for a shower in peace and quiet and help you keep on top of “stuff.” I’m jealous!

You're absolutely not being unreasonable but as advised - looking for a childminder who does babysitting may well be cheaper, or considering outsourcing some of your things like a cleaner who will change bedding, a laundry service, eating out more in the week etc could be better so you could spend more time enjoying your baby.

You have one child. As a mum of 5, I'm laughing incredibly hard at you....

God yes, do it. We’re lucky enough to have helpful family close by, but if we didn’t I’d do the same. Even a couple of hours “off” makes such a difference to my mental (and probably physical!) health. Modern parenthood relies (I think unnaturally) on one person doing way too much. Look after yourself OP! And don’t feel guilty about it.

Why are you asking?

If you can afford it and want to then why do you need to check?

God, some judgey people on here. Nowhere did OP say she didn't wish to be primary carer to her child, lol. Being the perfect parent 24/7 might float some people's boat but it's not for all of us and that's certainly nothing to feel guilt over. On top of which, that sounds like an objectively draining situation that you're describing. One that I suspect most of the perfect parents on this thread haven't found themselves in. Spend your money as you wish OP. Happy and well parents = happy and well child.

By any means do whatever makes long long days easier. As you say you have already tried it and it works, go for it.

God how the other half live.

I parent my son all alone. I have no family. I work when he sleeps. I have no cleaner etc so I do it all. Is it exhausting?

OP I hope you realise how fortunate you are! Ive been ill for over a month because I get no rest, no sleep etc. I only say that from a point of view of wishing I could afford to hire a cleaner. If you want to hire a nanny then do it, but in all honesty I’d personally rather hang out with my child. The time passes so quickly, I’d do anything to go back to my son being 6 months and do it all again despite being so exhausted my bones ache. Don’t wish it all away as when it’s gone it’s never coming back. A few hours is one thing, but do make the most of your precious time.

OP explained why. Even if she explicitedly didnt, its not ok to have patronising comments like this.

I also giggled, reminded me of that thread with Chester Draws for sale, and bone apple tea.

Off to jump down the rabbit hole to find it again now for a pre-festivity giggle with myself.

well whoop-di-doo for you. What a judgemental post.

I loved my babies, but the bone-aching absolute exhaustion isn't a period of time I would wish to live through again, and I had a husband who was there all the weekends. Now that mine are older, of course I would go back for a day to enjoy them - but I would rather freeze the age they are in now. I enjoy them so much more and I feel so much brighter.

Go for it OP. You clearly feel overwhelmed and burnt out.
It will hopefully make you feel like a weight off your shoulders and let you breathe a little easier as it sounds as though your anxious at the moment
Ask for a 2 months trial period to see how you feel.
Happier you feel the happier your children will feel too ❤️