To stop 9 year old eating all the time

[Pineapplestropical]

9 year old dd is overweight. She eats far too much and exercises too little. Started putting on weight in year 2 now in year 5 and kids have started to call her fat at school. Bloods been done all normal. No medical issue to explain why she should be eating too much. Constantly grazing and looking for meals. Yesterday example;

9am 2 scrambled eggs and 1 toast
1130 am Small bowl of rice
Orange
4pm Another small bowl of rice
6pm A small bowl of pasta bake
French francie
7pm; 2 thin slices of rolypoly cake.
9pm; a grilled cheese sandwich.

I know i shouldn't have the junk available. I do have 3 other kids all healthy. Find it a bit unfair that none of us can have treats Coz of her but maybe that's a sacrifice we have to make. She hates exercise, will do less than 2 minutes then sit down.

We did a timetable yesterday to say we need to stick to these times for eating (3 times with 2 snacks) she agreed and was happy with healthy ideas. Fast forward to today and she's gone downstairs by herself to make a grilled cheese sandwich again. She's definitely not hungry as had a good dinner of chicken soup and garlic bread. Im Losing it with her and have said you are getting overweight , you need to get healthier, im worried about ur health. Feel bad about this but i just can't stop her eating or get significant exercise out of her. She helps herself to food if i say no and im with the other kids. AIBU for pointing out she is overweight?

Certain foods can make you ravenous which leads to overeating, not sure why that needs spelling out its common knowledge. Bread is the worst of them but rice and pasta is pretty bad for me, potatoes arent too bad

Where's her meals?

She's not having proper structured meals, and eating at really weird times. No wonder she's looking to graze all evening.

Please don’t ever tell your child they are overweight.

This could lead to a life long eating disorder.

I really feel for you op as you have been flamed on here and it can’t be nice. Some kids are hard work when it comes to food despite what parents do. My dd has mild arfrid. She is a healthy weight but is a nightmare to feed and has been underweight at times. It takes real effort and creativity by me and dh to get her to eat a balanced diet. She has interception difficulties too so has no off switch. If left to her own devices she would just eat junk till she was sick. We do have to regulate her but we do it in a way that does not make it obvious or an issue.
Despite this and I mean this from a supportive place she has a better diet than your dd, that is down to us putting work in. You will find creative ways to include protine and veg in to her diet without making it an issue online. I’d also ask for help from your gp at this stage. Don’t feel bad about this, you are clearly a good parent or you wouldn’t care.

Like I mentioned, despite my dds difficulties she is very thin which makes me wonder if your dd is sneaking food or if she is unconsciously grazing without you realising. Grabbing a handful of sweets as she passes the kitchen for example. I’d keep a close eye to see if this is the case.

One of the things I’m eternally grateful to my mum for is her teaching us how to cook and eat healthily without causing issues. She never had much junk in, it wasn’t restricted it was just never on our radar. We had it at parties or occasions or if we went to the shop now and then but it was never thought about in between. We grew up snacking on carrot sticks for example and never knew or questioned any difference. Meals were well balanced and at set times. My mum worked long hours so if we wanted a healthy meal cooked for us we ate with her at the table. I have been slim all my life only gaining weight with pregnancy. My mum has been slim all her life. These are things I try I still in my dc. It’s not hard and you can start today.

exercise is important but you can’t outrun a bad diet.

Carbs alone don’t make you fat but carbs (white especially) spike insulin production which makes you feel hungrier faster, than eating protein/good fats. No one said ‘no carbs’, they said too many and too few proteins/veg.

Haven't seen any carb police, just people pointing out it will spike BG levels and the crashes do make you feel hungry which in adults is hard to then exercise willpower and not eat... in a child who has the freedom to make cheese toasties etc, they will over eat.

I even said, carbs and sugars should form part of a kids diet... just, not like this.

Have you got to the bottom of why she wants more food? All too easy to give advice eat less/differently and run round more.

what is often missing is the psychological angle. Is she eating to try and fill a void caused by self esteem issues, does she think she’s hungry because her stomach is churning with anxiety. Is she bored? Does she not feel she’s getting enough attention and realise that food gets your attention, even asking seconds gets some interaction. Is it her way of rebelling? Is she trying to dull pain from bullying? Is she well connected to her body? You mention she doesn’t like exercise, is this because she doesn’t feel comfortable in her own body and exercise causes her what she perceived as unbearable feelings in her body? You need to address the bullying at school this will certainly not help.

overeating/weight gain etc is very complicated the mind/body connection and often disconnection is often overlooked. It’s why diets aren’t sustainable, exercise plans short lived - they don’t address the underlying cause. Look at being overweight/obese as an illness you need to get to the root cause not just look at the symptoms because once you stop treating the symptoms they will just come back if the underlying cause still there. Does she spend a lot of time by herself, prefer escapist activities like reading, imaginative play? What is her relationship with her friends? If the rest of the family are fit and active, how well does she fit into the family? Is she a happy child?

Maybe sit down with her without any of the other kids around once a week at a set time and start to explore some of these things. Simply cutting out food and enforcing exercise might simply add to the issue. It might be removing a coping mechanism. In the meantime find some healthy snacks the family can enjoy, eg small packs of raisins, chopped carrots in a box in the fridge.

Are you trying to ensure your kid ends up with an eating disorder?

How about getting or watching some dance DVDs and doing them with her - should be more fun than actual exercise, walking etc.