To stop 9 year old eating all the time

[Pineapplestropical]

9 year old dd is overweight. She eats far too much and exercises too little. Started putting on weight in year 2 now in year 5 and kids have started to call her fat at school. Bloods been done all normal. No medical issue to explain why she should be eating too much. Constantly grazing and looking for meals. Yesterday example;

9am 2 scrambled eggs and 1 toast
1130 am Small bowl of rice
Orange
4pm Another small bowl of rice
6pm A small bowl of pasta bake
French francie
7pm; 2 thin slices of rolypoly cake.
9pm; a grilled cheese sandwich.

I know i shouldn't have the junk available. I do have 3 other kids all healthy. Find it a bit unfair that none of us can have treats Coz of her but maybe that's a sacrifice we have to make. She hates exercise, will do less than 2 minutes then sit down.

We did a timetable yesterday to say we need to stick to these times for eating (3 times with 2 snacks) she agreed and was happy with healthy ideas. Fast forward to today and she's gone downstairs by herself to make a grilled cheese sandwich again. She's definitely not hungry as had a good dinner of chicken soup and garlic bread. Im Losing it with her and have said you are getting overweight , you need to get healthier, im worried about ur health. Feel bad about this but i just can't stop her eating or get significant exercise out of her. She helps herself to food if i say no and im with the other kids. AIBU for pointing out she is overweight?

She's NINE years old!!!
This is on you!!
You cook 3 meals a day, have fruit available for the rest of the time and that's it.
No cakes, crisps, chocolate etc in the week, a small amount for weekends.

My daughter has always loved her food, eats well but prone to snacking. Starting year 7 she was quite chubby but I knew the longer walk to school would really help. The skirts I bought in year 7 were about 6 inches bigger in the waist than the ones I bought in year 11.. No real diet changes she just did a lot of walking and obviously grew taller.

I’d definitely make more substantial main meals, with bigger portions than ‘a small bowl’. Her dinner and tea aren’t satisfying her, so by evening her blood sugar and hunger hormones are going into overdrive and telling her that she needs to overeat to get back to normal.

Along somewhat she has had to eat, could you make a list for us of what you are giving her to do mentally and physically? Even by my slack standards that's a poor provision food wise.

There is too much arsing around with bits and bobs of food. It's meals she needs.

Actual meals.

Made by an adult at the normal times of days for meals and in a proper sized bowl.

Umm, that does not sound like that much to me. Perhaps drop the cake replace with protein and veggies or fruit so she at least gets nutrients and something to keep her full. Does she do any sport? If not, try to get her in some classes if you can or at least to go for walks etc. I made sure that my kids spent 2 hours playing in the parks daily when they were younger and now older they do sport. They eat loads, but are slim. If they were overweight, I would cut food back and replace w healthy options. And make them walk/do sports more. And there are plenty of times I have gone with out treats because I do not want my kids having. I basically stopped eating icecream, because how can I eat it and tell my kids no? We have it like once every few months. They do get some cookies or chocolates a few times a week. But I def cut back my treats because I do not want them eating them. And I am slim as well btw, everyone in my household is.

I'd get her signed up for some physical clubs or activities. Gymnastics, dance, football, horse riding/pony club, tennis, netball, etc.

If she can't curb the snacking then she needs to up the exercise to burn it off. Find something that doesn't feel like a chore. I dropped half a stone within 2 months of taking up horse riding but it doesn't feel like hard work. It's fun.

Can you give better examples of what her day to day diet is, not an out of routine day list. Also full details and what you consider “small” and what included in the meal, a bowl of rice with fish/meat or anything else in it is not the same as a small bowl of rice.

I was overweight as a child, hit when I was 9 I never heard the end of it from my mother and have weight issues now, I comfort eat, eat when bored and eat all the wrong things. The saddest thing is, when I look back on the very few pictures of me back then I wasn’t that bad but I thought I was because my mother told me I was.

I think the biggest issue you have is her fitness, I’d be trying to introduce more exercise that dose not feel like exercise. Family walks, older siblings maybe asking her to go for a walk. Build up her stamina before introducing more exercise. Dose she have a pedometer, could you get her one and try and get her into step challenges.

It may be that your daughter is just going to be big regardless. One of my best friends is big but is far fitter and dose more exercise than a lot of skinny people I know. Same with my DN, she’s always been big, huge appetite, when little could out eat most adults, but is very fit and sporty, she’s shot up in height the last couple of years so her weight dosnt look as obvious as it once did, it also helps with her sports.

Your also blaming your 9yo child for the rest of you not being able to have treats, do you understand how that sounds? You do also realise how much resentment that will cause in your house.

Lastly, I think you need to look at some of your house rules. None of my DDs would ever help themselves to food without asking and if we say no, it’s no. We buy the food for the house, once my DDs start buying their own food they can help themselves, but until then they ask if it’s ok first and respect our decision when we say no.

This is an example of a very poor meal plan. Too much sugar, too much carb, not enough protein, no veg whatsoever. You don't provide her with the nutritious meal and then call her fat. Just because your other kids are lucky to be less impacted by your meal planning it doesn't make it poor girls' fault. Definitely your responsibility

Meant to add, that is what you do as a parent, sacrifice. So none of us (dh included) are overweight and yet we always eat brown bread, veggies, do not have treats etc. I used to have them daily, but stopped when having kids. Even though I am slim, always have been. I stopped treats because I am a mom, I am thinking of my kids and I did not want them having it at a young age or getting overweight.

This. And shouldn’t she be in bed at 9? How is she grilling a cheese sandwich!

Make better, more balanced options available through the day so she’s not eating bowls of bloody rice.

If she’s overweight and has been since year 2 then that’s on you!

Could you plan the meals to be nutritionally balanced with choices that are more likely to fill her up? I'm sorry, but this seems a terrible day of food for a child.

Several small bowls is just encouraging her to graze. Give her three square meals a day, no small bowls of whatever at random times, and offer fruit for snacks.

When everyone says she needs more “fats” in her diet what do you mean ? What kind of food
?

You could ask your GP to refer you to a dietician. Or even asking for dietary advice might help as you need to get a balance of protein and carbs. Carbs would be better as vegetables, raw and cooked. Fibre is filling but is better eaten as fruit and vegetables.
The day’s example you’ve given is high in carbohydrate but lacking in protein and a lot of vitamins.

Constantly grazing and looking for meals.

So would I be if I was nine and my mammy didn't make me proper meals.

And thought I 'definitely wasn't hungry' because I'd had some soup and garlic bread.

My DD was overweight for a period of time. She was really skinny, then quite overweight, and has now slimmed down again. Like your DD she would constantly ask for snacks, so instead of depriving her food wise I upped her exercise & included more protein in her diet. She is a similar age to your DD and is starting puberty which can make them gain weight. If she likes swimming is this something you could do more regularly? Even take a friend for her so it's more enjoyable for her? You need to find something physical she enjoys, that's the solution really. When she is out doing things she enjoys she won't be thinking about snacks and treats etc. You must never let her know her weight is an issue though, it is a fixable problem & to be frank, not one that she has created herself, so it's wrong to put it on her.

It looks to me like you’re under feeding her at meal times. Try upping the portions. You could see a. Dietician to help you as am not sure you know enough to improve things.

Usually when kids are overweight, the goal is for them not to gain weight until their weight normalises. Take it slowly and work with her to find an exercise she enjoys. Limit the junk food - some people find it hard to resist. And make sure you’re feeding her properly at meals.

You need to take a look at your anger and why this is so triggering for you. From what you say she isn’t very overweight right now, so I don’t think you are worried about her health really, I think you are embarrassed or it is triggering your own negative feelings about weight.

It’s not that unusual for pre adolescent and adolescent girls to go through a chubby patch. I understand that you might be genuinely concerned about her picking up bad habits, but the best way to change that is to be positive and loving. If you get angry with her you will both feel worse, and she’ll be more likely to develop a problematic relationship with food.

You're not feeding the poor girl properly. The day starts well with scrambled eggs, but after that she has no balanced meals, little protein, no vegetables and a single piece of fruit.

She needs three proper meals a day, including sources of protein (meat, fish, eggs, lentils, beans, cheese etc), carbohydrates, a little fat and at least five portions of vegetables and fruit a day. Plus one or two healthy snacks if she is genuinely hungry in between (fruit, nuts, veg sticks and hummus etc).

@Pineapplestropical , there's some sound advice on this thread and there is some unnecessary comments that serve no purpose other than to make you feel bad-ignore! I mean, if you were leaving her to her own devices somewhat , then she will overeat by the sounds of it. She may be confusing thirst with hunger, so try to have her drink water or chilled full fat milk (to fill her up) in between meals and offer her more and more veggies. This may have the reverse effect.Take all the good info from here for good use .

Where are the fruit and veg??? The protein??

This down to you. You're in charge of her eating!

I don't understand the people saying soup and bread is not a healthy meal.

I wouldn’t turn her eating habits into a big issue as it could cause eating problems later on.

@LuckySantangelo35

Like full fat Greek yoghurt, cheese, nuts etc as high fat and high protein sate your hunger and keep you fuller for longer.

Processed or high sugar fats don't have the same effect.

The diet advice from mid century which advocated cutting down on fats as they believed it was healthier has been pretty catastrophic in terms of the obesity epidemic we see before us now.