To stop 9 year old eating all the time

[Pineapplestropical]

9 year old dd is overweight. She eats far too much and exercises too little. Started putting on weight in year 2 now in year 5 and kids have started to call her fat at school. Bloods been done all normal. No medical issue to explain why she should be eating too much. Constantly grazing and looking for meals. Yesterday example;

9am 2 scrambled eggs and 1 toast
1130 am Small bowl of rice
Orange
4pm Another small bowl of rice
6pm A small bowl of pasta bake
French francie
7pm; 2 thin slices of rolypoly cake.
9pm; a grilled cheese sandwich.

I know i shouldn't have the junk available. I do have 3 other kids all healthy. Find it a bit unfair that none of us can have treats Coz of her but maybe that's a sacrifice we have to make. She hates exercise, will do less than 2 minutes then sit down.

We did a timetable yesterday to say we need to stick to these times for eating (3 times with 2 snacks) she agreed and was happy with healthy ideas. Fast forward to today and she's gone downstairs by herself to make a grilled cheese sandwich again. She's definitely not hungry as had a good dinner of chicken soup and garlic bread. Im Losing it with her and have said you are getting overweight , you need to get healthier, im worried about ur health. Feel bad about this but i just can't stop her eating or get significant exercise out of her. She helps herself to food if i say no and im with the other kids. AIBU for pointing out she is overweight?

And also garlic bread and soup is also a shit dinner

I assume the bowl of rice is a mixed rice style dish rather than just plain boiled rice?

Personally, I would add a banana to breakfast to boost vitamins and fullness.

I would cut one of the cakes. And I would cut the cheese toastie. If she wants a snack, it's crackers with fruit.

Re: is it ok to call her overweight, no I wouldn't. I think it's ok say no to more food on the basis of HEALTH but I wouldn't be talking weight with a child.

When she goes down for a cheese toastie, I would go down and offer something else. Fruit salad? Cucumber and cheese. Boiled egg. There's no point saying no food as she already has it in her head that she needs food. It's better to offer better snacks and gradually reduce calories that way.

Could you make a snack drawer up in the fridge of healthy snacks? Boiled eggs, cucumber and carrot batons, hummus pot, cooked meats, yoghurts etc.

My child was overweight. Not hugely.

She’s not now though. I didn’t interfere in any way.

She must eat more than that to be overweight?

Today my daughter ate:

2 weetabix with milk for breakfast
some apple/ grapes and a choc coin for a snack
cheese and cucumber sandwich for lunch whole grain bread and a Christmas biscuit
spag bol for dinner
fruit and Yoghurt for dinner

Theres nothing to her. I know all kids have a different metabolism but could your daughter be sneaking food when you’re not looking?

Also as others have said there’s no protein in her food and a bowl of rice for lunch Is a bit bland and won’t keep her full for long without protein.

I was an overweight kid - I was called fat all my life.
my mum constantly put me on diets and told me I was too overweight.
Led to an eating disorder in my teens and years of horrendous obsessing and yo you dieting to this day…I’m 37.
Tread really carefully.

My 8 yo dd eats quite a lot more than that and isn’t overweight! She does do a lot of exercise though (gymnastics, bike riding swimming, playing outside) so maybe you need to look at ways of encouraging her to expend more energy on exercise!

I’m actually feeling rather shit reading this.

Chicken soup and garlic bread is a starter not a meal. She’s eating all wrong.

For some reason, I didn’t put the weight on like my sisters did - my mother was obsessed with dieting and there was never much quality food in the house.

As children we lived on egg and chips and beans, sausages, if it could go in the chip pan, we ate it, lots of toast, my sisters liked lard and dripping on toast - (disgusting), my late mothers (dead in her late 50s), idea of dieting was starving all day then at 2230hrs gorge on a kebab, a supersize family bar of whole nut and 2litres of full fat Coca Cola.

My sister at 15 went to weight watchers, lied about her age, they knew, but she was a size 22 and very very unhappy cos she was constantly hungry!

Weight watchers gave us, especially her the key how, what and when, how to eat, she later studied food technology.

Perhaps the nurse in your doctors surgery could help with a menu planned diet sheet for a few weeks, or there are plenty of books for less than £5 these days which give you months worth of menus, what to cook and what and when to buy.

Good luck

@Actupfishy

This is why l never interfered. I have a picture of roly poly me at 9. Another one at 12, where l look like I’ve been stretched. No fat anywhere. Nothing changed in what l was eating.

Dd and DH both followed the same pattern. By the time Ds was 14 he was 6ft 2 with a 26 inch waist. Nightmare in trousers.

It could just be genes. I would leave well alone, just have less crap knocking around.

Carbs are the devil for putting on weight. Healthy fats and protein are much more filling, but I suppose that won't make much difference if she's eating when not hungry.

Personally I don't see the issue with telling her you're concerned because she's overweight - it's you being honest about a health issue. When I was 11, my mum told me the same thing (nicely). I sulked for a couple of hours, but did stop getting chips, cheese and spaghetti hoops every day for lunch at school. I have grown up an average weight, with less hang-ups about my body than most women I come across, so no lasting damage past the initial sulking.

As others have said that's just carbs which will raise her blood sugar then make her hungry.
She needs protein, good fats like full fat yoghurt, nuts etc and fibre with lots of veggies and mainly getting natural sugar from fruit rather than processed food.
She also needs a substantial lunch and dinner rather than grazing throughout the day, which again raises and drops blood sugar making you hungrier than when you started.

That’s not a lot of food

soup and garlic bread is barely a lunch

meal plan to include balanced and filling meals as a starting point

and don’t have shit available to eat

Yeah I'd strip the diet back a bit, the eggs and toast are fine for breakfast but maybe offer two slices and some fruit or yoghurt, then mid morning a snack such as peanut butter on crackers or veg sticks with hummus dip, then a filling lunch such as chicken pasta, cous cous with some protein and loads of veg, then another snack, carbohydrate paired with a protein then a balanced dinner about 6ish then if she is hungry after that some fruit:yoghurt or veg sticks. You need to try and cut out the junk but make sure she isn't actually hungry.

My DSD has always been a bit overweight and she has a huge appetite. The way we handled it was not to mention anything and to provide 3 nutritious filling meals and a couple of healthy snacks a day plus make her walk everywhere. She went through puberty quite early and now at 11 her weight is levelling out with her height. She is built in a way that means she will never be skinny but she is now healthy. It's a long game with kids, just try your best to instill healthy habits and hopefully it will work out. The worst thing you can do is make a big deal of it

What exercise do you take OP?
Why are you waiting till the holidays to add more exercise to her week? She needs to be MUCH more active. You should all be eating sweaty several times a week plus whatever she does at school.

Also poor OP getting absolutely flamed!! I think a lot of households eat a lot worse than this, especially at the moment. Pasta bake, rice dishes can all have veg etc in them. If there wasn't a problem with one of the DCs weight, the menu would be a complete non-issue.

I think she is too. As did l when l posted a similar thing when my dd was 9.

Im so glad l ignored all the advice.

This is not a healthy balanced diet. Three meals a day at set times - containing protein, carbs and fruit or veg. Snack on fruit or veg. Plenty of water. Perhaps rice cakes and peanut butter or nuts if really hungry. Exercise - of any kind. Every day. Do not buy the cake or other unhealthy snacks.

If she started to gain weight in year 2 , how come? You would have been in charge of her eating in year2/3 etc..
if she was difficult about food, and still is then there's an underlying cause.
She doesn't seem to have much exercise. A long walk over Christmas isn't regular exercise, neither is an occasional bounce on the trampoline in fine weather.

I think there's more that you need to tell us.

I was over weight at this age.
I started my first diet at this age.
Between being absolutely miserable, having no self esteem and going on to develop an eating disorder in my late teens; I am now (almost 20 years later) getting to grips with eating a normal, balanced diet. I still struggle with my weight and I still struggle with my emotions around food. Although it's better than I used to be, I think I'll probably have these issues (one form or another) for my entire life. That makes me incredibly sad, this post makes me incredibly sad.

Please help her.

And don't call her overweight; you're teaching her that being fat is the worst thing you can be.

She needs protein and fat. I say this as a devoted carb fiend. The fat will fill her up and actually helps brain development, it is not the baddie people think. She needs protein for muscle development. Carbs need to be used really... And yes, where is lunch?

The issue is she's living on basically carbs. That's not a healthy balanced diet for anyone at any age.

She needs more fruit and veg and protein and healthy fats.

Oily fish?

She's definitely not hungry as had a good dinner of chicken soup and garlic bread.

That is not a 'good dinner'. I'd still be hungry after that and I'm definitely a 'grazer'.

Have you considered trying to get her referred to a dietician? Joining a swimming club? Sports club? Go jogging with her?

What activités do her siblings do that she could join in with?

I hear you!

Ok so your child has free access to junk food, and is being fed at irregular times and those meals are small, low in protein and veg, a bit repetitive and I’ll bet the rice was white?

Yabu to blame her and certainly for body shaming. First fix what you can fix, which is to completely overhaul the menu you’re offering your child so it is actually healthy nutritious and served at regular times. Then be a role model: take her exercising or if you aren’t physically up to jogging/swimming with her regularly (I’m not!) then sign her up to classes where she can figure it out herself or a tiring activity.

Also bear in mind that she may just have a heavy build, or be ‘bulking up’ in a fat phase in the lead up to a growth spurt.

Yabu for feeding her too much then deciding it is too much and telling her she is overweight and expecting her to change her diet and nearly “losing it” with her. This is all on you, not her.

I don’t think she should know or suspect anything, I think you should be doing the work eg when she goes to get a French fancy and roll poly cake you tell her that you don’t have any in and that it’s nearly dinner time so wait until then. You then deflect /distract and deal with the unease of not giving in to constant snacking.
You should be encouraging activities that are not “exercise” for exercise sake. Eg going to swimming pool with her and playing around/sharks/ tag etc or go for a walk collect some holly branches for a table decoration etc with no talk of her weight! And not giving extra food because she has done some activity.