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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being over the top - Message from boss on teams

215 replies

Laladell · 15/12/2022 16:47

I'll start with a brief background.
My boss is quite rude, his moods are up and down like nothing I've ever seen before, he's a bit of a bully and tbh we all walk on eggshells round him, he's a bit of a nightmare (We don't have HR we're a relatively small company and he is the managing director).

I've been struggling recently (not with work just with generally how he is and the way he speaks to me) and yesterday things ended in tears with office manager consoling me.

Today I was working on how to fix another colleagues mistake (no biggie) with my office manager, and I needed to speak with her, she was on the phone and I asked if she wanted me to come back when she was done, she said no its fine take a seat and wait will only be a couple of minutes. We resolved said problem and I left, went back into discuss it with her and we were at her monitors (we have two moniters) looking left one and on the right monitor I noticed my manager had written her a message on teams "What was fuck eye doing sat talking to you on the sofa"

This really, really, upset me especially after yesterday, it felt like such a blow. I know it wasn't meant for my eyes and I wasn't intentionally looking, but it was just caught my eye, it's just made me feel so crap, I got upset and left (was due to leave early anyways as my LO had a hosp apt) and didnt come back after. Office manager was understanding and said that also MD was too but I just feel like I've had enough and this was the straw that's broke the camels back.

It's a shame as I love my job (Adminsistrator) and I couldn't ask for better colleagues bar my boss, but I feel drained, and the thought of going back to work tomorrow is giving me anxiety, and making me feel so shit. I really don't wanna be near my boss or there at all but at the same time I don't know if I'm just being dramatic? and need to man up. I was never meant to see that message but it's still made me feel horrible

OP posts:
Mamette · 15/12/2022 16:54

I noticed my manager had written her a message on teams "What was fuck eye doing sat talking to you on the sofa"

He referred to you as the phrase “fuck eye”? What does that mean?

Leave, if and when you can. In the meantime, tell him you expect to be spoken to, and about, in a professional manner at work.

donttellmehesalive · 15/12/2022 16:56

What does fuck eye mean? How do you know it was you?

onefedupmum · 15/12/2022 16:58

Wtf is fuck eye?

Ohtheweatheroutsideistoocold · 15/12/2022 16:58

I have no idea what the phrase fuck eye means but I wouldn't want to continue to work for a boss who referred to me in a derogatory manner

pandarific · 15/12/2022 16:58

Yeesh, what an arsehole. I am really sorry you saw that, but please try to remember it’s not you who should be embarrassed, it’s him!

Do make plans to leave, but if it were me I’d go in tomorrow and work till the end of the year, then give written notice to him on the last day. Then job search over Christmas. Again, so sorry he’s an arsehole, but there is a real lack of talent available at the moment in most industries and there are a lot worse times to be job hunting. good luck! 💐

liarliarshortsonfire · 15/12/2022 17:00

If you can afford it, tell him to stick his job up his arse.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 15/12/2022 17:00

That’s absolutely horrific. Can you get evidence of that OP? It’s shocking

Laladell · 15/12/2022 17:00

Because i was sat on the sofa talking to her about the issue when he walked past

OP posts:
SafeMove · 15/12/2022 17:01

I actually thought your username was 'fuck eye' and thought you were being a tad dramatic but then I noticed that your username is NOT 'fuck eye'. What a weird and horrible boss you have! Is this a pet name he has for you or something????

Laladell · 15/12/2022 17:02

I have absolutely no idea what a fuck eye is also, as far as I'm aware, my eyes are fine 🙃

OP posts:
ginslinger · 15/12/2022 17:02

I am very confused - did he refer to you as fuckeye?

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 15/12/2022 17:03

Ive heard of fuck eye it’s just a derogatory term. Completely unacceptable in the workplace

ginslinger · 15/12/2022 17:03

If he's used that phrase referring to you then that is surely gross misconduct regardless of whether or not youhave an HR dept. Someone is responsible for recruitment etc so I'd make a formal complaint about that.

TheCatterall · 15/12/2022 17:16

So he has a derogatory nickname for you and she knows it and covers for him.

honestly if I was feeling kamikaze I’d ask him casually what ‘fuckeye’ means and what’s everyone else’s office nickname and can you suggest a few for him - and start looking for another job asap.

KarmaStar · 15/12/2022 17:18

Perhaps it was a typo op?

Rookriver · 15/12/2022 17:24

Call him out on it. He'll either respect you for it and things will improve, or he won't and you can find another job where no one is horrendously derogatory about you.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 15/12/2022 17:40

KarmaStar · 15/12/2022 17:18

Perhaps it was a typo op?

Oh come on! For what?

OP if he's the MD and there's nobody above him, I'd start looking for a new job. If you're a skilled and experienced administrator, there will be many companies out there who will snap you up.

He sounds bloody horrible and like he's possible a coke head (rapid mood swings, aggressive behaviour.)

Terryinblackpool · 15/12/2022 17:42

Disgusting behaviour, do the md etc know the contents of the message?!

CrapBucket · 15/12/2022 17:45

What an arsehole.

Who owns the company? If you want to challenge him, there needs to be someone above him.

Or, find a new job, because he will always be a terrible boss.

You don't deserve to go through this. All of mumsnet is angry for you and right behind you!!!

Verv · 15/12/2022 17:46

Terryinblackpool · 15/12/2022 17:42

Disgusting behaviour, do the md etc know the contents of the message?!

I think it was the MD who wrote the message (?)

bluejelly · 15/12/2022 17:54

What a grade A arse he is. I hope he chokes on his Christmas dinner.

LlynTegid · 15/12/2022 17:56

If you have any reason to believe he is taking cocaine or any illegal drug, just involve the police. No warning either.

Valeriekat · 15/12/2022 17:57

See a doctor and get signed off for stress if possible.
He needs to take responsibility for what he said and how he behaves. This is workplace bullying on his part.

Theunamedcat · 15/12/2022 17:58

Write your resignation sign it from fuck eye

Don't do this if you need a reference

MzHz · 15/12/2022 18:01

What do you want to do?

Because even if there were HR in the business, their job is to protect the business and you’ve got fuck all chance of anyone standing up for you.

can you afford to walk out?

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