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Original poster

Am I being over the top - Message from boss on teams

215 replies

Laladell · 15/12/2022 16:47

I'll start with a brief background.
My boss is quite rude, his moods are up and down like nothing I've ever seen before, he's a bit of a bully and tbh we all walk on eggshells round him, he's a bit of a nightmare (We don't have HR we're a relatively small company and he is the managing director).

I've been struggling recently (not with work just with generally how he is and the way he speaks to me) and yesterday things ended in tears with office manager consoling me.

Today I was working on how to fix another colleagues mistake (no biggie) with my office manager, and I needed to speak with her, she was on the phone and I asked if she wanted me to come back when she was done, she said no its fine take a seat and wait will only be a couple of minutes. We resolved said problem and I left, went back into discuss it with her and we were at her monitors (we have two moniters) looking left one and on the right monitor I noticed my manager had written her a message on teams "What was fuck eye doing sat talking to you on the sofa"

This really, really, upset me especially after yesterday, it felt like such a blow. I know it wasn't meant for my eyes and I wasn't intentionally looking, but it was just caught my eye, it's just made me feel so crap, I got upset and left (was due to leave early anyways as my LO had a hosp apt) and didnt come back after. Office manager was understanding and said that also MD was too but I just feel like I've had enough and this was the straw that's broke the camels back.

It's a shame as I love my job (Adminsistrator) and I couldn't ask for better colleagues bar my boss, but I feel drained, and the thought of going back to work tomorrow is giving me anxiety, and making me feel so shit. I really don't wanna be near my boss or there at all but at the same time I don't know if I'm just being dramatic? and need to man up. I was never meant to see that message but it's still made me feel horrible

OP posts:
iknowwheretheothersockgoes · 15/12/2022 22:30

I'm sure when it's sexual it's referred to as 'eye fucking' rather than fuck eye. As in "that man across the bar is eye fucking me"

Blowthemandown · 15/12/2022 23:01

Laladell · 15/12/2022 21:24

Hi @Heatherland77 my friends father suggested ACAS, the only thing is it wasn't my computer it was a colleagues so I don't have the proof of it, I have a few messages discussing him and how i feel between me and a couple of colleagues but it nothing really actually discussing what happened. I just don't know if I've got enough grounds 😩 I may call them tomorrow

@Laladell how does colleague know 'F E' is you (apart from the sofa reference)? Would ask that colleague if it's happened before - awful man.

Badgirlriri · 16/12/2022 09:26

LlynTegid · 15/12/2022 17:56

If you have any reason to believe he is taking cocaine or any illegal drug, just involve the police. No warning either.

Err what 😂 just because he’s moody doesn’t mean he’s a drug user.

the police will NOT be interested in someone using cocaine for personal use either 😂

SheWoreYellow · 16/12/2022 09:29

legalseagull · 15/12/2022 18:07

Could it be an auto correct?

Teams doesn’t autocorrect.

SheWoreYellow · 16/12/2022 09:31

I’d have a think about who would provide a reference before you do anything you can’t come back from.

dottypencilcase · 16/12/2022 09:33

Wtf: according to urban dictionary 'fuck eye'
Means "The look you give someone when you want to have sex with them. Usually done from across the bar."

liarliarshortsonfire · 16/12/2022 09:36

I think I'd ask a colleague what 'fuck eye' means as you've read it on a forum, within earshot of your manager. There's not much you can do as it was in a colleagues laptop and he could deny it's about you.

Heatherland77 · 16/12/2022 12:36

That's not a problem. An employer cannot give a negative reference on a previous employee. It is against Employment Law.

HallieM93 · 16/12/2022 17:50

I would just confront him and ask him directly what his problem is and that you love your job and just want him to be easy to work with, he’ll probably apologise and start being nice when he realises you have a back bone and won’t tread on egg shells with him!

Rosie22xx · 16/12/2022 17:52

Don't forget he was also comfortable enough to say that to your colleague. Who also shouldve corrected him. So something is definitely not right and he may speak about you behind your back to your colleague quite a bit to have a nickname and saying it openly to another person who works with you.

purplebunny2012 · 16/12/2022 18:01

It worries me that your office manager was sent a message that in no way implies she doesn't know who he's referring to. So it's obviously not the first time

QueenoftheFarts · 16/12/2022 18:03

If it was me i would front it out and ask him what Fuck Eye means and why he thinks it is appropriate.

What a tosser. Keep your chin up. It says everything about what a nobler he is, and nothing about you.

Mandyjack · 16/12/2022 18:06

Mamette · 15/12/2022 16:54

I noticed my manager had written her a message on teams "What was fuck eye doing sat talking to you on the sofa"

He referred to you as the phrase “fuck eye”? What does that mean?

Leave, if and when you can. In the meantime, tell him you expect to be spoken to, and about, in a professional manner at work.

But he never said it to her directly and is there proof the message was about her?

Scarydinosaurs · 16/12/2022 18:08

Isn’t ‘fuck eye’ slang for someone who makes a lot of mistakes?

I think you need to get something in writing from your colleague about what you read.

If he’s the MD who is above him?

Are you better off leaving?

Im sorry this has happened. I would feel shit too.

ExpatAl · 16/12/2022 18:08

I’.m very sorry OP, that’s a horrible thing to read.
He sounds utterly obnoxious.
Keep a diary and write down EVERYTHING you can remember him saying and doing. I’m afraid your colleagues are unlikely to support you. He rules by bullying.

I suggest you leave before he escalates. I’ve worked in construction and never seen this kind of behaviour. It is not ok. You will not win a fight. Just find another job.

Sandra1984 · 16/12/2022 18:11

I would send an email to him and ask “what on earth does fuck eye mean?”.

just like that.

DuskHail · 16/12/2022 18:11

Hahaha 🤣 this would be the best

Twilight7777 · 16/12/2022 18:12

I’d ask him, ‘Who is fuck eye that you were referring to ?’ and watch him squirm. Record that conversation without him knowing

DuskHail · 16/12/2022 18:13

Hahah 🤣 that would be the best

Windbeneathmybingowings · 16/12/2022 18:15

I would email him and the colleague who received the message cc-ing ACAS asking him to please print the message where you referred to his employee as fuck eye, I’d like to keep it for the file. Thanks.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 16/12/2022 18:28

purplebunny2012 · 16/12/2022 18:01

It worries me that your office manager was sent a message that in no way implies she doesn't know who he's referring to. So it's obviously not the first time

This. Your Office Manager is complicit in this. She might have been sympathetic towards you but that was just to cover her own back. She either thinks it is okay to refer to other members of staff in that way, or she's too weak to tell him isn't and too stupid to not let him tar her with the same brush.

Burgoo · 16/12/2022 18:33

He sounds like a right barrel of laughs. Just tell him off.

ilikethatname · 16/12/2022 18:36

The sting will fade… sorry though it’s horrible.

DucklingDaisy · 16/12/2022 18:37

Do the subject access request specifying it includes the term "fuck eye" which you know is something he's referred to you as. At best you can go to tribunal at win, at worst it fucking terrifies him.

Astori · 16/12/2022 18:38

The think is you walk away without fight ,youhe will just happily continue to. Do to somebody else,no harm for him.team up with your colleagues, talk to him directly,talk advice betray they might advice some legal advice- definitely try to do something ....

I had very horrible manager of our department
as well also letting me with feeling of not being appreciated and yes,she was rude too just different way ,but she didn't have good relationship with the main manager so now I am
regretting I didn't let other people know why I left and definitely confront her more or tried to solve it with one above her.even now when I'm thinking about it still write formal complain,maybe it's because I'm now more older and more confident or have more skills and courage,but I know like this bully very easily get
away with it.

And yes,onside without telling to boss,u can try to apply for new even better opportunities,it's good to have the time for it though .