Am I being over the top - Message from boss on teams

[Laladell]

I'll start with a brief background.
My boss is quite rude, his moods are up and down like nothing I've ever seen before, he's a bit of a bully and tbh we all walk on eggshells round him, he's a bit of a nightmare (We don't have HR we're a relatively small company and he is the managing director).

I've been struggling recently (not with work just with generally how he is and the way he speaks to me) and yesterday things ended in tears with office manager consoling me.

Today I was working on how to fix another colleagues mistake (no biggie) with my office manager, and I needed to speak with her, she was on the phone and I asked if she wanted me to come back when she was done, she said no its fine take a seat and wait will only be a couple of minutes. We resolved said problem and I left, went back into discuss it with her and we were at her monitors (we have two moniters) looking left one and on the right monitor I noticed my manager had written her a message on teams "What was fuck eye doing sat talking to you on the sofa"

This really, really, upset me especially after yesterday, it felt like such a blow. I know it wasn't meant for my eyes and I wasn't intentionally looking, but it was just caught my eye, it's just made me feel so crap, I got upset and left (was due to leave early anyways as my LO had a hosp apt) and didnt come back after. Office manager was understanding and said that also MD was too but I just feel like I've had enough and this was the straw that's broke the camels back.

It's a shame as I love my job (Adminsistrator) and I couldn't ask for better colleagues bar my boss, but I feel drained, and the thought of going back to work tomorrow is giving me anxiety, and making me feel so shit. I really don't wanna be near my boss or there at all but at the same time I don't know if I'm just being dramatic? and need to man up. I was never meant to see that message but it's still made me feel horrible

No way, I'd start looking for another job, you deserve to work with nice people and with someone like that at the top the work culture is never going to be right. Although I like the idea of suggesting a few nicknames for him 😂

Google doesn’t reveal what ‘fuck eye’ means but it can’t possibly be anything but derogatory.

I’d be leaving and telling them why.

Are you in Yorkshire OP? I’ve definitely heard fuck eye round these parts.

Could it be an auto correct?

Leave. It won’t get better. He’s a twat.

i’m guessing it means similar to bongeye and you have a slight lazy eye? Otherwise it makes no sense at all but he sounds bloody awful

you sound stressed. Get signed off if you can and start looking for a different job

What a vile man. He doesn't deserve you OP, get looking for another job and, if you really feel shit, go off sick.

That's appalling behaviour, he doesn't deserve to keep staff.

I’d ask him for a meeting and sit there and say I wanted to ask if I’ve done something to offend you as I saw you refer to me as fuck eye. Watch him squirm, then look for another job

If you have the courage then you should definitely do this.

Wow when I first saw this I thought "Fuck eye" was your MN user name and you were just upset he was questioning your work. No wonder you are upset he clearly has a nasty nickname for you.

Don't be so naive!

I would go off sick with stress for as long as possible and look for another job. I would tell them that the stress was caused by what you'd seen and his behaviour in general.

@NameChange1718 there's nothing even wrong with my eyes so I have no idea where this has come from 😩

@CrapBucket thank you 🥺

Bullies need to be dealt with. Ask him for a meeting and ask a colleague to go with you. Before the meeting, write down what you want to say and read it over several times so you feel comfortable with it. Include instances when he has been rude or difficult. In the meeting, keep calm. Give him a copy. Ask him to read it as you read it aloud. Then ask him for his comments. Most bullies hate being dealt with in a calm, rational way. If you love your job and he apologises,then he obviously wants you to stay - so ask for a pay rise. If he starts blustering, then thank him for his time and leave. Be the grown up. And I hope all goes well for you.

There must be something to do with your eyes for a nickname of fuck eye to be created for you, that not only he but other team members would identify you as.

But that’s besides the point, how long have you worked there? If long enough I’d be leaving and then going after them for constructive dismissal

@TheCatterall What makes you think the office manager knows the nickname/is covering? I've not seen anything in OP's post to suggest that. I'd definitely confront him OP.

Submit a SAR for all data that relates to you. Specify that this should include all electronic correspondence where the boss refers to you by the nickname he uses for you, which is ‘fuck eye’. Send it to the data protection officer for the company (must have one by law, even if that’s not their full time job, someone must have that responsibility).

Take it to an employment tribunal, either with the evidence, or their refusal to provide it. (Assuming 2years+ in the job)

What a bullying wankstain. If you can keep your cool I would request a formal meeting with him and one other and ask him why he refers to you in this way...I'd want to see if he squirms. Is there anyone there in perhaps a Director/key role you could ask to accompany you? Someone that would support you?

I meant as in the office manager must see messages like that from him all the time. She’s the go between trying to keep everyone happy. Trying to soothe staff that he’s upset or pissed off but also to try and stop his attitude causing more damage to the folks she works with.

she’s running interference between the dickhead MD and staff and trying to keep everyone happy. That’s what I meant. She’s not in a position to challenge him either. So she has to cover for him and try to play down what he does and says.

I think the obvious answer here is that the issue lies only with him then.
I only thought of bongeye as I was called that at school.

I think I would have to challenge this, and if you're contemplating leaving a job you love, I'm not sure you've got much to lose by doing so. If you can't face an in-person meeting (and I wouldn't blame you tbh), I'd put all my grievances in firm but polite email and state that the realisation he is referring to you by an abusive nickname in office gossip with colleagues is where you are drawing a line as regards his unacceptable behaviour, and that there will be consequences if he doesn't stop right now and behave more courteously and professionally in future. HR etc isn't my area at all and I'm not up-to-date with constructive dismissal and all that, but I'm sure you can find out what your rights are or get some employment law advice about where you'd stand with a claim of bullying or harrassment etc. Failing that, go off sick with stress and start job hunting asap. I'd sack off tomorrow for starters.

I hadn't heard of it, but that's totally unacceptable.

OP, YANBU. This is workplace bullying, utterly unprofessional and appalling.

This is a good idea