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Original poster

Am I being over the top - Message from boss on teams

215 replies

Laladell · 15/12/2022 16:47

I'll start with a brief background.
My boss is quite rude, his moods are up and down like nothing I've ever seen before, he's a bit of a bully and tbh we all walk on eggshells round him, he's a bit of a nightmare (We don't have HR we're a relatively small company and he is the managing director).

I've been struggling recently (not with work just with generally how he is and the way he speaks to me) and yesterday things ended in tears with office manager consoling me.

Today I was working on how to fix another colleagues mistake (no biggie) with my office manager, and I needed to speak with her, she was on the phone and I asked if she wanted me to come back when she was done, she said no its fine take a seat and wait will only be a couple of minutes. We resolved said problem and I left, went back into discuss it with her and we were at her monitors (we have two moniters) looking left one and on the right monitor I noticed my manager had written her a message on teams "What was fuck eye doing sat talking to you on the sofa"

This really, really, upset me especially after yesterday, it felt like such a blow. I know it wasn't meant for my eyes and I wasn't intentionally looking, but it was just caught my eye, it's just made me feel so crap, I got upset and left (was due to leave early anyways as my LO had a hosp apt) and didnt come back after. Office manager was understanding and said that also MD was too but I just feel like I've had enough and this was the straw that's broke the camels back.

It's a shame as I love my job (Adminsistrator) and I couldn't ask for better colleagues bar my boss, but I feel drained, and the thought of going back to work tomorrow is giving me anxiety, and making me feel so shit. I really don't wanna be near my boss or there at all but at the same time I don't know if I'm just being dramatic? and need to man up. I was never meant to see that message but it's still made me feel horrible

OP posts:
iknowwheretheothersockgoes · 15/12/2022 18:59

'Fuck eye' Jesus.

EmmaDilemma5 · 15/12/2022 19:03

Do you get paid sick pay?

If so, I'd get signed off for as long as possible with stress.

He's clearly a fucking twat.

If you do find another job, serve your notice, then become very unreliable. Don't bother with a handover and be as bliase as possible.

LakieLady · 15/12/2022 19:19

breatheinskipthegym · 15/12/2022 18:36

Submit a SAR for all data that relates to you. Specify that this should include all electronic correspondence where the boss refers to you by the nickname he uses for you, which is ‘fuck eye’. Send it to the data protection officer for the company (must have one by law, even if that’s not their full time job, someone must have that responsibility).

Take it to an employment tribunal, either with the evidence, or their refusal to provide it. (Assuming 2years+ in the job)

I think just submitting the SAR would have him shitting his pants.

It's worth doing for that alone.

Fleurdaisy · 15/12/2022 19:26

Google offered this www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fuck%20eyes. He sounds vile. Worth speaking to ACAS?

category12 · 15/12/2022 19:26

Apply for other jobs, "quiet quit" in your job (ie do minimum and keep to your hours) and when you get something else, enjoy resigning.

FlimFlam2 · 15/12/2022 19:30

breatheinskipthegym · 15/12/2022 18:36

Submit a SAR for all data that relates to you. Specify that this should include all electronic correspondence where the boss refers to you by the nickname he uses for you, which is ‘fuck eye’. Send it to the data protection officer for the company (must have one by law, even if that’s not their full time job, someone must have that responsibility).

Take it to an employment tribunal, either with the evidence, or their refusal to provide it. (Assuming 2years+ in the job)

Amazing. I can't stop laughing!!

GarlicCrackers · 15/12/2022 19:30

How long have you been working there? Submit a SAR and as previous poster it should include term fuck eye. Microsoft provides a tool that allows you to search for any term across share point/teams/emails. I would know, I'm a DPO and I use it.

If you've been working there for over 2 years and you get that evidence then you can go for constructive dismissal

LovelyRachel · 15/12/2022 19:36

Hi OP.

First of all - Fuck Eye in my local area is slang for idiot. I'm in the SW! It's so horrid.

And it sounds like something my last MD would do. Do you work in construction by any chance?

Anyway, hope you feel OK. I know it's hard but this job will eat away at your self esteem and I think you need to look for other options x

Regularsizedrudy · 15/12/2022 19:39

I would go to HR. They will be able to get IT to check the chat. They should not be sending messages like that, that you weren’t meant to see it makes no difference. What a nasty piece of work!

GSMH · 15/12/2022 20:02

What an absolute prick! Good luck in your job search OP, take him all the way with it and teach the arse a lesson.

Sorry I have no advice to give but let us know what you decide to do as I'm very intrigued as to how he plans to manoeuvre his way out of this should you decide to pursue retribution.

Dello · 15/12/2022 20:04

Office manager was understanding and said that also MD was too

What did office manager say about MD?

SAR is an idea but realistically I couldn’t go back in if I had sent this!

grayhairdontcare · 15/12/2022 20:09

Fuck eye means several things
1 a person who is so stupid they couldn't tell if two things are the same colour.
2 someone you are fucking with your eyes
3 someone who is so ugly and smelly you would have to close your eyes to fuck them.

He is a prick!
Leave

madamovaries · 15/12/2022 20:21

Definitely do a subject access request (including for the nickname "fuck eye") and don't let them wriggle out of it. I did one once and they misspelled my name on it, which I'm sure was deliberate.

I have no clue what it means; I thought giving someone the fuck eye was a more blunt way of saying "come to bed" type eyes... But it's incredibly unprofessional (and nasty) whatever he meant by it.

Definitely also look for another job. I tend to believe you should leave a job on good terms in case you ever need a reference. However, there are exceptions and if your mental health would benefit long-term from telling him what you think of him (ie you feel you need to stand up for yourself) then I would.

Whichever you decide, leave with your head held high when you go. You deserve better than this.

LlynTegid · 15/12/2022 20:23

Whilst the ideal should be that you fight your own battles, would he need a change of underwear if he had a 'reception committee' of a few loud and aggressive people turned up at his office one day?

Flumpmageddon · 15/12/2022 20:31

"What was fuck eye doing sat talking to you on the sofa"
If you only seen this comment out the corner of your eye, could it perhaps be 'what the fuck was she doing sat talking to you on the sofa'
Fuck eye seems a strange insult for someone with no visible issue with their eyes, perhaps he is equally abusive to her.
Either way, he sounds horrific and I would be down the docs looking for a sick note asap closely followed by a job hunt

Longbarn5 · 15/12/2022 21:01

I think you need to make sure you document this and speak to a union representative and or HR department. This is absolutely not to be tolerated!

stayathomer · 15/12/2022 21:05

I hate the idea of you leaving op and have no advice but no, you shouldn’t have to man up x :(

Heatherland77 · 15/12/2022 21:11

This is gross misconduct and you can take him to the cleaners via ACAS. You will have a representative for HR and personnel matters, probably an external company, who will take this very seriously. Also such messages on Teams are permanent and cannot be deleted in the back-end (Microsoft saves everything!) so you have evidence on him.
Take advice from ACAS over Christmas and form a plan. Recompense for what's termed as 'Damage to feelings' is unlimited. If you can corner him on grounds of discrimination, you could end up having a lovely final pay package courtesy of his personal bank account. I would absolutely go for it. A million women are rooting for you.

DuchessDandelion · 15/12/2022 21:19

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 15/12/2022 17:40

Oh come on! For what?

OP if he's the MD and there's nobody above him, I'd start looking for a new job. If you're a skilled and experienced administrator, there will be many companies out there who will snap you up.

He sounds bloody horrible and like he's possible a coke head (rapid mood swings, aggressive behaviour.)

Show quote history

For "she". I think it could be a typo for "she". If he was using his phone, S and H are below E and Y.

Either way, you need this hassle in your life op and its not worth it. Find a new job.

Original poster
Laladell · 15/12/2022 21:24

Hi @Heatherland77 my friends father suggested ACAS, the only thing is it wasn't my computer it was a colleagues so I don't have the proof of it, I have a few messages discussing him and how i feel between me and a couple of colleagues but it nothing really actually discussing what happened. I just don't know if I've got enough grounds 😩 I may call them tomorrow

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 15/12/2022 21:26

I would start looking for a new job. He has no respect for you (any of you by the sounds of it) and that’s not going to get better.

I don’t think you’re being overly dramatic, he’s a complete dick. But equally I don’t think you have to let it affect you the way it has. The ability to not give a fuck what people you don’t like think of you is a skill worth cultivating.

Heatherland77 · 15/12/2022 21:35

It doesn't matter if it was another colleague's computer. It's all legitimate evidence. Imagine if this was a racial discrimination case and the person being bullied was aware that 'gossip' had occurred on other colleague's PCs? All evidence would be requested and it's all in the back-end even if people attempt to delete it. This is why it's never a good idea to do anything other than actual work on a workplace PC. Now this boss of yours might plead challenging life situations, stress, alcohol dependency, medical grounds etc but it won't matter. To write on a Teams message what he did is utterly unprofessional, shows a total lack of due care in his leadership, is abusive, derogatory, humiliating, depersonalising and discriminatory in the eyes of The Law. You have a case. He's probably praying you don't know your rights. You have every reason to have this formally investigated.

Andi2020 · 15/12/2022 21:35

Ask your manager about it tell her you saw it and your very upset

TrixJax · 15/12/2022 21:43

Look for another job OP. Unless you're very rural there's loads of jobs out there at the moment.
Life is too short to work with someone who's a bully and treats you like that

DuchessDandelion · 15/12/2022 21:44

If you take them to a tribunal your solicitor can insist they hand over ALL comms related to you, which would include that comment

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