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Original poster

Am I being over the top - Message from boss on teams

215 replies

Laladell · 15/12/2022 16:47

I'll start with a brief background.
My boss is quite rude, his moods are up and down like nothing I've ever seen before, he's a bit of a bully and tbh we all walk on eggshells round him, he's a bit of a nightmare (We don't have HR we're a relatively small company and he is the managing director).

I've been struggling recently (not with work just with generally how he is and the way he speaks to me) and yesterday things ended in tears with office manager consoling me.

Today I was working on how to fix another colleagues mistake (no biggie) with my office manager, and I needed to speak with her, she was on the phone and I asked if she wanted me to come back when she was done, she said no its fine take a seat and wait will only be a couple of minutes. We resolved said problem and I left, went back into discuss it with her and we were at her monitors (we have two moniters) looking left one and on the right monitor I noticed my manager had written her a message on teams "What was fuck eye doing sat talking to you on the sofa"

This really, really, upset me especially after yesterday, it felt like such a blow. I know it wasn't meant for my eyes and I wasn't intentionally looking, but it was just caught my eye, it's just made me feel so crap, I got upset and left (was due to leave early anyways as my LO had a hosp apt) and didnt come back after. Office manager was understanding and said that also MD was too but I just feel like I've had enough and this was the straw that's broke the camels back.

It's a shame as I love my job (Adminsistrator) and I couldn't ask for better colleagues bar my boss, but I feel drained, and the thought of going back to work tomorrow is giving me anxiety, and making me feel so shit. I really don't wanna be near my boss or there at all but at the same time I don't know if I'm just being dramatic? and need to man up. I was never meant to see that message but it's still made me feel horrible

OP posts:
breatheinskipthegym · 18/12/2022 17:41

Ah OP I’m sorry, this is a shitty way for someone to behave towards you. He’s a horrible man. You will look back sometime soon and realise how glad you are to be outside of the horrible environment he’s cultivated.

If you’ve more than 2 years service, please talk to ACAS about this and consider a claim for unfair dismissal (not following due process) and all of the bullying stuff on top of that.

Original poster
Laladell · 18/12/2022 17:42

@niugboo I've never had a meeting with him, ever, no warnings, no dicisplinaries. nothing.

OP posts:
OlympicProcrastinator · 18/12/2022 17:46

Oh I’d get signed off with stress, make a diary of everything ever said and done and go for constructive dismissal with the ‘fuck eye’ e mail being hard evidence of bullying. While I was off I’d look for another job.

niugboo · 18/12/2022 18:01

@Laladell sounds like they’re going down the get rid while they can route. There’s not much you can do.

niugboo · 18/12/2022 18:03

@OlympicProcrastinator really hard with less than 2 years.

VariantHela · 18/12/2022 18:09

OP - were you in a probation period?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 18/12/2022 18:14

🌺

Sandra1984 · 18/12/2022 18:20

first thing I would do is make a consultation with a work lawyer ASAP.

Original poster
Laladell · 18/12/2022 18:31

@VariantHela I passed my probation with no issues

OP posts:
Usuallyquiet · 18/12/2022 18:44

@Laladell I feel for you. Please focus on yourself and practicalities.

If you have household insurance, you may have legal advice included. ACAS and CAB may also be useful to talk to. Unfortunately in the UK we have limited employment protection before 2 years service.

Apply for Universal Credit as soon as possible. Consider requesting an advance if necessary.
Contact local temping/recruitment agencies.
Job search and/or look into any training/education opportunities that may be of interest.

Then to your trusted network of people for vital support.

Take care of yourself.

Original poster
Laladell · 18/12/2022 18:55

I think because I've been at the company less than 2 years I don't stand anywhere legally, it says on the bottom of the letter I can appeal his decision, and tbh I kind of feel like doing it and asking for proof of what I've apparently done as these are pretty serious allegations he's throwing out there and never once have I ever had any form of meeting in regards to my standard of work or any issues, but then I feel whats the point? As I probably can't take it further and he's the highest person there. Just a really shit situation.

OP posts:
capostrophe · 18/12/2022 19:01

Wondering if there’s not a slightly complex situation here because this reminds me a lot of something that happened to my friend about 25 years ago with a male boss; There was a woman in the same office who was a notoriously nasty bitch (my friend was soon to discover) but very beautiful. It was a new role for my friend and one of her jobs was to write copy for packaging which she had to submit to this bitch woman for approval. In her first couple of weeks there this bitch sent her copy back with a red circle and exclamation mark around the word “receipt”. My friend didn’t understand why so queried it with her. She said it was spelled wrong. My friend said it wasn’t. Bitch grabbed dictionary and furiously flicked through pages.. to find that yes indeed there IS a “p” in it. She said nothing but slammed the dictionary closed and turned her back. Anyway friend’s life there was hell after that. Male boss (just had baby with gf) was in love with bitch who totally had his ear, and constructive dismissal ensued.. just like has happened with you. Poor friend had done / never did anything wrong, worked hard including free overtime to sort out his chaotic / non existent filing etc but boss would literally scream at her for anything at all - once he asked her to get him marmalade on toast from canteen which she did then he screamed that he’d said marmite.. screamed that phone numbers she gave him for overseas partners were not working when they were the correct numbers, leave her alone in the office and take the others out for lunch… lots of stuff like that. It was horrible, it was a very exciting junior role for her in an industry she loved but they absolutely ruined it for her and she was dismissed because of the lies he’d told to HR. She’s still upset with herself about it to this day because at the time she felt too intimidated to do anything.

So don’t just leave it, stand up for yourself. There’s a huge chance you will regret not speaking up for very long time if you don’t.

Willmafrockfit · 18/12/2022 19:21

that is awful
i am so sorry
he knew he had done wrong so tried to correct himself with this
by letter is unbelievable
you can detach and fight it, i hope

pinkpotatoez · 18/12/2022 19:31

Why are there so many disgusting managers, what do they get out of bullying as a fully grown adult it's insane. It's almost like part of the criteria to become a manager is to be a bit of a dick...

liarliarshortsonfire · 18/12/2022 19:38

Wis awful op, so sorry you're having to deal with this.

I'd speak to cafcas and see if there's anything you can do. Just to be a pain in the arse more than anything else

liarliarshortsonfire · 18/12/2022 19:39

Acas not cafcas

VariantHela · 18/12/2022 20:21

Laladell · 18/12/2022 18:31

@VariantHela I passed my probation with no issues

I ask because typically employers will use this to sack people without the need for a disciplinary hearing. As you passed your probation with no problems AFAIK they must follow a discliniary procedure, unless the incident is so serious you must leave immediately. As you received a letter in the post I dont think this applies. Please speak to ACAS and appeal.

Would also like to know what would happen if you hadn't of received the letter and wandered into the office unawares 🤔

VariantHela · 18/12/2022 20:23

Disciplinary*

AlisonDonut · 18/12/2022 20:51

VariantHela · 18/12/2022 20:21

I ask because typically employers will use this to sack people without the need for a disciplinary hearing. As you passed your probation with no problems AFAIK they must follow a discliniary procedure, unless the incident is so serious you must leave immediately. As you received a letter in the post I dont think this applies. Please speak to ACAS and appeal.

Would also like to know what would happen if you hadn't of received the letter and wandered into the office unawares 🤔

Show quote history

No, they don't have to follow any procedure.

Within 2 years they can pretty much sack whoever they want. If the person has evidence of it being discriminatory (with protected characteristics) then they might be able to take them to a tribunal but the resulting award will be pretty minimal.

Stewball01 · 19/12/2022 00:36

That. Leave soonest.

SomeBeings · 19/12/2022 00:45

This is really odd sounding.

Regularsizedrudy · 19/12/2022 10:19

Is there no hr you can speak to?

Shol · 19/12/2022 10:30

Honestly yes I do think you need to man up. Bosses can be assholes, it is very very common. My generation just shrugged it off and ignored it while thinking “there goes bossman being a childish tit again.”

But the current twenty-somethings seem to “sign off with stress” or cry everytime there’s a problem at work.

Work mostly sucks! Accept that and adjust to it! Colleagues are not your friends, they’re usually backstabbing manipulative liars, and they’re there to make money out of you. This is not school, there is no teacher to nurture and help you (or mark your work).

Just get on with the job.

Ohtheweatheroutsideistoocold · 19/12/2022 10:36

And the prize for not reading the full thread today goes to.....🙄

jellyjellopeea · 19/12/2022 10:53

Shol · 19/12/2022 10:30

Honestly yes I do think you need to man up. Bosses can be assholes, it is very very common. My generation just shrugged it off and ignored it while thinking “there goes bossman being a childish tit again.”

But the current twenty-somethings seem to “sign off with stress” or cry everytime there’s a problem at work.

Work mostly sucks! Accept that and adjust to it! Colleagues are not your friends, they’re usually backstabbing manipulative liars, and they’re there to make money out of you. This is not school, there is no teacher to nurture and help you (or mark your work).

Just get on with the job.

You might as well just call anyone who tries to tackle workplace bullying a snowflake Hmm. Why the fuck should people put up with being treated like shit in the workplace?

OP as others have said, call ACAS or CAB go for advice. Do not let this go. You deserve better, he deserves to be brought down a peg or two, the dickhead.