Am I being over the top - Message from boss on teams

[Laladell]

I'll start with a brief background.
My boss is quite rude, his moods are up and down like nothing I've ever seen before, he's a bit of a bully and tbh we all walk on eggshells round him, he's a bit of a nightmare (We don't have HR we're a relatively small company and he is the managing director).

I've been struggling recently (not with work just with generally how he is and the way he speaks to me) and yesterday things ended in tears with office manager consoling me.

Today I was working on how to fix another colleagues mistake (no biggie) with my office manager, and I needed to speak with her, she was on the phone and I asked if she wanted me to come back when she was done, she said no its fine take a seat and wait will only be a couple of minutes. We resolved said problem and I left, went back into discuss it with her and we were at her monitors (we have two moniters) looking left one and on the right monitor I noticed my manager had written her a message on teams "What was fuck eye doing sat talking to you on the sofa"

This really, really, upset me especially after yesterday, it felt like such a blow. I know it wasn't meant for my eyes and I wasn't intentionally looking, but it was just caught my eye, it's just made me feel so crap, I got upset and left (was due to leave early anyways as my LO had a hosp apt) and didnt come back after. Office manager was understanding and said that also MD was too but I just feel like I've had enough and this was the straw that's broke the camels back.

It's a shame as I love my job (Adminsistrator) and I couldn't ask for better colleagues bar my boss, but I feel drained, and the thought of going back to work tomorrow is giving me anxiety, and making me feel so shit. I really don't wanna be near my boss or there at all but at the same time I don't know if I'm just being dramatic? and need to man up. I was never meant to see that message but it's still made me feel horrible

Catalogue everything, get signed off sick and sue him for constructive dismissal - what a dick of a man!

I’ve heard of fuck eye and fuck head. Pretty common insults up in Yorkshire. No real meaning behind them just insulting phrases.

I would quietly make plans to leave, no job is worth this treatment and I’m sure you’ll be happier elsewhere.

Constructive dismissal. Seek help from acas online. Then consider going sick with stress citing workplace stress

This is AWFUL. He should be taken to an employment tribunal for this. Do you have this evidence. Ie did you screenshot his message to your manager? Dont let him get away with this

Are you Gaslighting OP?

How about a email to her tomorrow a saying "that email I saw the manager send yesterday, where he called me fuck Eye, is that the first time it's happened?something like that so if she replies it will confirm he called it you?

have you looked into Constructive dismissal Constructive dismissal is when an employee is forced to quit their job against their will because of their employer's conduct.

I would quietly leave having made a detailed account of everything that happened. You can decide if you want to do anything with it when you're all sorted in your new job.
He'll reap what he sows

THIS in capital letters. Evidence. Collect. Do not mention her you're collecting evidence of any sorts.

Why must there be something wrong with her eyes?? He is probably just a derogatory, rude, bullying, childish arsehole who has randomly inserted a pathetic word in there to show disdain. I would speak to your manager about it and let her know you saw it on her computer. I would also ask if he regularly uses terms like this to speak about his staff or if it is just you - watch her reaction and you will get an idea. I would then confront him and let him know that you saw the message. If you have evidence that he speaks about others in the same way it would be worth you all confronting him but I doubt you will get that.
I would then go to your doctor and explain what has happened and say that you are too stressed to work there now so you get signed off, and look for another job.

Hi OP

You dont need to justify your feelings or complain. Do what will hurt them the most and leave

Quit the job. Send your cv to agencies ASAP. Get your cv on the job boards. January is the best time to look so start looking

They need you more than you need them

The market is in your favour! They will struggle to hire unless they pay well

When you resign, sign the letter Fuck Eye and fuck them

THIS in capital letters. Evidence. Collect. Do not mention her you're collecting evidence of any sorts
I 2nd this, gather everything you can so you have control over it and can use it if you want.
Dont tip anyone off

Today was horrible he didn't say one word to me and removed alot of my responsibilities and took on alot of the roles I do and did them himself. He hasn't spoken to me in 3 days now.

What a wanker - tell him to fuck off if you can afford to walk - the Sue the bastard - onwards and upwards

Get legal advice. (This is something a no win no fee legal firm would take on). If it’s making you feel like you have to leave this is leading up to possible constructive dismissal. It is gross misconduct to refer to colleagues in this way - and it sounds like others are allowing this to happen eg they knew who ‘fuck eye’ was. In the short term (if you can afford to) get signed off sick for the obvious stress you are experiencing while you decide what steps you want to take next.

He is freezing you out, wanting you to resign because he knows he’s fucked up so he’s resorting to bullying you out, which seems to be his default mode. I would go in and ask him what is going on, lay it out, give him examples of what he’s doing, ask him why he’s doing it and why he refers to you as fuck eye. Ask him if he realises this is bullying behaviour. I would record this on my phone too for reference afterwards. This may clear the air. Or it might wind him up - he could sack you, in which case you could sue him. Practice with your phone first so you don’t miss it. Recording probably won’t be admissible anywhere because you won’t tell him you’re recording but it may prove useful. People like this tend to be very practiced and skilled at shooting off loads of crap and justification and you might not remember it all. Sounds like you have nothing to lose.

And please don’t say “man up” it doesn’t mean anything - imho women are just as, if not more, stronger, saner and more rational than men

Call acas. This is close to constructive dismissal. Assuming you’ve been there two years.

That's utterly disgusting and unacceptable. What is the company sick leave policy? Suggest you look into and take stress leave from Dr, look for another job, I know not easy but if the MD is behaving this way its not your environment, it will always be an issue.
The fact he felt comfortable enough to write that... I'm sorry OP . Getting away from them. Its bullying and nasty. Unfortunately coming right from the top is hard to fight back against.
Take the sick leave however long it's paid and search for a better place.
I've come up against a MD. I didn't consider twice, I left. Others in my position took the sick leave and did the same. Some things are just not fixable.
Best of luck 👍

Make screenshots of any messages, and make a formal complaint with HR. Find another job as you cannot work under those conditions, he is outrageous and unfit to be in a managerial position. Find your job references from other people in your workplace.

yes I agree if you have been there over 2 years speak to ACAS

how long have you been there?

he knows he is in the wrong,
does he know you saw?
he may know you could leave

I would go very quietly, retreat to a safe distance and then detonate the 'bomb'
*[bomb is just a metaphor, no actual bombs]

I don’t know why but this really tickled me.

Honestly I'd just look for another job, it's not worth the stress and won't get better - speaking from experience! I'd never work at a small company again