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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being over the top - Message from boss on teams

215 replies

Laladell · 15/12/2022 16:47

I'll start with a brief background.
My boss is quite rude, his moods are up and down like nothing I've ever seen before, he's a bit of a bully and tbh we all walk on eggshells round him, he's a bit of a nightmare (We don't have HR we're a relatively small company and he is the managing director).

I've been struggling recently (not with work just with generally how he is and the way he speaks to me) and yesterday things ended in tears with office manager consoling me.

Today I was working on how to fix another colleagues mistake (no biggie) with my office manager, and I needed to speak with her, she was on the phone and I asked if she wanted me to come back when she was done, she said no its fine take a seat and wait will only be a couple of minutes. We resolved said problem and I left, went back into discuss it with her and we were at her monitors (we have two moniters) looking left one and on the right monitor I noticed my manager had written her a message on teams "What was fuck eye doing sat talking to you on the sofa"

This really, really, upset me especially after yesterday, it felt like such a blow. I know it wasn't meant for my eyes and I wasn't intentionally looking, but it was just caught my eye, it's just made me feel so crap, I got upset and left (was due to leave early anyways as my LO had a hosp apt) and didnt come back after. Office manager was understanding and said that also MD was too but I just feel like I've had enough and this was the straw that's broke the camels back.

It's a shame as I love my job (Adminsistrator) and I couldn't ask for better colleagues bar my boss, but I feel drained, and the thought of going back to work tomorrow is giving me anxiety, and making me feel so shit. I really don't wanna be near my boss or there at all but at the same time I don't know if I'm just being dramatic? and need to man up. I was never meant to see that message but it's still made me feel horrible

OP posts:
DunkingMyDonuts · 16/12/2022 21:13

It would be more awkward maybe if he started to be nice - the way he is acting is great for your constructive dismissal case. Make sure every date and time is written down.

By saying that, I am not dismissing how awful this must be for you @Laladell . But if he is going to act like a nasty bully, all this adds to your case.

SaponificationQueen · 16/12/2022 21:16

Fuck eye = fuck I

JoyBeorge · 16/12/2022 21:16

It isn't even a word though and makes no sense. Are you sure this wasn't a typo? Could he have written a name or other word that just looked like fuck eye? Faye, Etc?

JoyBeorge · 16/12/2022 21:18

SaponificationQueen · 16/12/2022 21:16

Fuck eye = fuck I

Still makes no sense though. Not even something you would nickname someone 🤔

Backtoblack1 · 16/12/2022 21:27

What a horrible arsehole! Go on the sick until you decide what to do x

Mumtobabyhavoc · 16/12/2022 21:45

Does he know you saw?

With her fuck eye? 🤔🤭

Seriously, plan your exit. You don't deserve that level of disrespect and stress.

Bugbabe1970 · 16/12/2022 21:52

You need to stop crying and confront him on his disgusting behaviour
Get HR involved if you have to!

KTMeetsTheRsUptown · 16/12/2022 22:57

If you're thinking about resignation contact Citizens Advice forst re if you have a case for claiming constructive dismissal. No-one has the right to be so horrible to you at work. How are you expected to continue working there under those circumstances. I hope everything works out for you... and he chokes on his Christmas lunch (as previous post)

Autumn61 · 16/12/2022 23:32

SeveruslyFrazzled · 15/12/2022 18:16

If you have the courage then you should definitely do this.

Alternatively , as he passes you in the office ( with others present ) ask politely, “Could you tell me what fuck eye means? We’ve all googled it and are stumped, but I know you’ve used the words referring to me so if you don’t mind …… ?

DuchessDandelion · 16/12/2022 23:35

JoyBeorge · 16/12/2022 21:18

Still makes no sense though. Not even something you would nickname someone 🤔

I still think it was a typo and meant to type "she"

juless77 · 17/12/2022 04:39

The urban dictionary meaning of fuck eye …if this helps ….The look you give someone when you want to have sex with them. Usually done from across the bar.

HangingOver · 17/12/2022 04:46

Oooof this happened to me once. I was moving house on a day off and arsehole boss was texting me really unimportant non urgent questions. Because I took a whole 11 minutes to reply to one of them he wrote to the CFO "I don't understand why Hanging doesn't drop everything to reply to me. Does she not understand I'm her boss and pay her salary??"

Except he sent it to the group chat by accident, which I was in.

pompomdaisy · 17/12/2022 05:02

You need to get out of there. He's an abusive twat.

roseheartfly · 17/12/2022 05:16

If he's the most senior or not I'd be writing a log of all issues and then I'd resign and sue the bastard.

Whatifthegrassisblue · 17/12/2022 05:27

I had a similar manager a few years ago, now looking back I "laugh" with old friends who I used to work with there about how abusive he was and the toxic environment, we all someone just accepted it. I would start looking fo another job, he obviously doesn't think much of you and I doubt it'll get better

mrsbitaly · 17/12/2022 05:54

I really feel for you as your stuck in hard place being comfortable with your colleagues and enjoying your job apart from this idiot. I don't blame you for being upset it makes you think what else he writes referring to you and your colleagues.

Has anyone ever pulled him regarding his behaviour? Maybe if you are all miserable you could all have a meeting together it will work better in numbers as he couldn't get rid of you all and explain about poor morale?

VariantHela · 17/12/2022 07:04

Op look for another job and leave ASAP. He will not change. For some reason he has it out for you, and taking away your responsibilities is another way to demean you

amispeakingintongues · 17/12/2022 11:14

Heatherland77 · 15/12/2022 21:11

This is gross misconduct and you can take him to the cleaners via ACAS. You will have a representative for HR and personnel matters, probably an external company, who will take this very seriously. Also such messages on Teams are permanent and cannot be deleted in the back-end (Microsoft saves everything!) so you have evidence on him.
Take advice from ACAS over Christmas and form a plan. Recompense for what's termed as 'Damage to feelings' is unlimited. If you can corner him on grounds of discrimination, you could end up having a lovely final pay package courtesy of his personal bank account. I would absolutely go for it. A million women are rooting for you.

Do this do this do this!

Laladell · 18/12/2022 17:18

My boss sacked me via a letter

OP posts:
ginslinger · 18/12/2022 17:33

Laladell · 18/12/2022 17:18

My boss sacked me via a letter

what was the reason for your dismissal? You need to fight this

Laladell · 18/12/2022 17:34

I came back from my friend's as she was burgled so stayed with her overnight and I've came home to a letter dated Friday (when I was in)

And I've been sacked due to: Repeated or serious failure to obey instructions, or anywhere serious act of insubordination

And: Causing financial loss or damage through serious negligance

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 18/12/2022 17:36

How long have you actually worked there?

DuchessDandelion · 18/12/2022 17:38

I'm not expert, but he must be in breach of employment law...there ought to be a whole disciplinary process first. @Laladell which part of the country are you in because I can recommend a good employment lawyer if you're my part.

Laladell · 18/12/2022 17:39

I've worked there 6 months

OP posts:
niugboo · 18/12/2022 17:40

I am really sorry this has happened but there’s clearly more to what’s going than you’ve said here.

Those are serious allegations that will have proof. Even if you had been there less than two years this kind of dismissal is quite serious, have you had any meetings or anything?