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AIBU?

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Original poster

To really not get the mentality of some parents…

204 replies

LivIoe · 15/12/2022 08:37

I live near a school and it’s snowed heavily. I noticed that quite a few children were in the snow in slip on ballet pump style shoes or canvas shoes, or generally inappropriate footwear that would leave them with wet feet or slipping over.

I hunted out my children’s old snow boots/ study walking boots. They ranged from about a size 10 to size 3, primary school sizes. Then I put them in pairs on the wall outside, with a post-it saying ‘free’ and noting the size. Just ‘free, size 12) for example.

I came home and some were in the bush, didn’t think much of it- just put them back. I then saw a child run up with a stick and sweep them all off the wall, while his mum watched.

Put them back.

Then I heard shouting, some kids were throwing them at each other! About yr 3, their mums said stop and left them all over the pavement (I saw from upstairs, so didn’t get out to say anything).

before people aak

  • all shoes were in good condition, some branded, not tatty
  • Ive not had any negative interaction with anyone locally, didn’t recognise them
  • yes, some of the kids doing it were in light shoes…
  • all were around mid primary age with parents

What am I missing in the thought process here?

OP posts:
iceyniceyspicey · 15/12/2022 08:39

What a nice thing to do. I'd get them to the charity shop ior on Facebook marketplace if you can OP. Same happens to free toys left outside and my dad told me not to put my surplus apples out for neighbours because if he'd seen that as q child he'd have nabbed the box for chucking at cars!

Climbingsteepsteps · 15/12/2022 08:41

What you’re missing is how strong the sense of pride is for some people.

People without money do not like admitting that fact, as a rule. Hence the liking for branded sportswear for babies / very young children amongst certain socioeconomic groups.

Go further up the economic ladder and they’ll gladly buy and accept second hand, because they have nothing to prove.

Mercurian · 15/12/2022 08:45

You were exceptionally nice to do this. I'm sorry your local community is full of unappreciative arseholes.
BTW I have sensible footwear for this weather by my DD refuses to wear it! She'd rather be cold and fit in with the rest of the kids. Frustrating.

Mercurian · 15/12/2022 08:47

True about them being too embarrassed to take them so as not to seem poor or struggling if anyone recognised them. But they needn't be so lax about telling their children not to mess with the freebies or to put them back at least. They sound feral and I've seen this from 'naice' midddle class kids with well educated parents in their 40s before anyone says....!

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 15/12/2022 08:47

I mean, it was a kind gesture but who wants to go and pick up boots off a wall?!
Take them to a school, maybe they could keep them in case a child needs them.

But also, my 3yr old is a nightmare wearing clothes. I'm having huge battles with him everyday to get him into layers. Maybe the kids are just stubborn and don't want to wear different footwear yet? I imagine once they are cold enough they will change their minds.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 15/12/2022 08:48

Mercurian · 15/12/2022 08:45

You were exceptionally nice to do this. I'm sorry your local community is full of unappreciative arseholes.
BTW I have sensible footwear for this weather by my DD refuses to wear it! She'd rather be cold and fit in with the rest of the kids. Frustrating.

Exactly. You can lead a horse to water..

MiddleParking · 15/12/2022 08:51

People don’t respect things that are put out in public for free. You’d be better selling them for a pound or something.

OnlyFannys · 15/12/2022 08:51

No good deed goes unpunished. It's nice of you to try OP

LulooLemon · 15/12/2022 08:53

That was really kind of you OP. I Hope someone appreciates them eventually!

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 15/12/2022 08:59

Climbingsteepsteps · 15/12/2022 08:41

What you’re missing is how strong the sense of pride is for some people.

People without money do not like admitting that fact, as a rule. Hence the liking for branded sportswear for babies / very young children amongst certain socioeconomic groups.

Go further up the economic ladder and they’ll gladly buy and accept second hand, because they have nothing to prove.

This in spates

username8888 · 15/12/2022 09:00

Some kids are little shits and parents allowing this are in the same category. Put them on your local free cycle

Keroppi · 15/12/2022 09:04

Mayeb they didn't see the small post-it/it'd flew off after the first set of gremlins chucked them off the wall! Put them on your local neighborhood community fb group/give them to school as spares/give them to a church or charity. I've never had success sticking stuff outside.. unless it's scrap metal!

onefedupmum · 15/12/2022 09:06

Obviously your a nice person surrounded by lazy half arsed parents.
I'd take them to the school, they will know whose struggling and needs the extra help. My local school gives out clothes etc to struggling families but discreetly.

abigailsnan · 15/12/2022 09:07

How thoughtful of you I would put them on the free-cycle page in your local community how awful of parents watching their "little darlings" knock them off your wall.

Overthebow · 15/12/2022 09:12

Climbingsteepsteps · 15/12/2022 08:41

What you’re missing is how strong the sense of pride is for some people.

People without money do not like admitting that fact, as a rule. Hence the liking for branded sportswear for babies / very young children amongst certain socioeconomic groups.

Go further up the economic ladder and they’ll gladly buy and accept second hand, because they have nothing to prove.

Does that mean weren’t being unreasonable watching their kids throw the shoes around and know them off the wall?

OP you did a nice thing and people ruined it with their bad behaviour.

Climbingsteepsteps · 15/12/2022 09:14

No

but some people will see free as worthless. And some will see it as both worthless and insulting.

ZandathePanda · 15/12/2022 09:25

I was really grateful for having first refusal in big bags of second hand children’s clothes from a wealthier neighbour. It helped her out as I took the rest to the charity shop and I occasionally took photos and sent them to her. Especially the party dresses as they were expensive and only worn a couple of times. I then handed the best ones on to a friend who always sounded pleased but in reality hated it and I only found out years later from another friend who said they would never put their children in clothes someone else had worn. It was a hassle for her to take the clothes to as charity shop so I think a few times she just dumped them in the bin. Wish I had known.

Original poster
LivIoe · 15/12/2022 09:26

This isn’t an area seeped in poverty all around, chances are in this catchment they are not experiencing major money worries. It’s a very small catchment for the uniforms I saw. Not to say there aren’t other poorer kids passing, but if you have this uniform on there’s a high chance you live in a house and are middle class.

It wasn’t a so much ‘help the poor kids’ thing, but an appreciation of how the snow was unexpected and people may be caught out without the right shoes in the right size. There are other schools that pass by with a more mixed intake, but this is the tiny one they fight to get into (even rent houses).

Personally I happily pick up barely worn boots off a wall to avoid my child even walking one day in snow in ballet pumps. When I used to teach so many children came in with thin coats and wet socks in snow, struggled to learn, a significant number to the best of my knowledge didn’t have financial difficulties as the reason. They’d have Clark’s ballet pumps, a branded shell jacket and generally lots of signs of money to buy things.

OP posts:
Fairyliz · 15/12/2022 09:29

Climbingsteepsteps · 15/12/2022 08:41

What you’re missing is how strong the sense of pride is for some people.

People without money do not like admitting that fact, as a rule. Hence the liking for branded sportswear for babies / very young children amongst certain socioeconomic groups.

Go further up the economic ladder and they’ll gladly buy and accept second hand, because they have nothing to prove.

So people would rather their children wear inadequate clothes for the weather rather than have something free?
Blimey some people shouldn’t be parents if they can’t put their children’s needs first.

Climbingsteepsteps · 15/12/2022 09:32

personally I

I was really grateful for

but not everyone is going to react like this.

That is not to say it is right.

We used to have quite the battle to get families of children entitled to FSM to claim for FSM.

a school local to me very kindly opened their doors on Tuesday evening (when it was very cold) offering a warm space and a hot meal. I am sure families needed it, but they did not take it up.

there are so many examples of this sort of thing, it is fairly well known. If something is free, it is worthless. And, sometimes, insulting.

Climbingsteepsteps · 15/12/2022 09:33

@Fairyliz

i do think some posters on here have a very Victorian view of poverty, yes. Ragged clothes and cold,overcrowded rooms.

of course that will be the case for some, but with primark and supermarket clothes poverty doesn’t normally look like that. Some children living in poverty will actually seem to have a lot, bizarrely. It is more nuanced than lacking adequate clothes or food.

Motherskiss · 15/12/2022 09:35

I observed similar in my area primary girls in skirts and socks and I was shocked. Other kids in autumn jackets no gloves/scarves, it’s the parents jobs to ensure they are dressed appropriately.

As for the kids messing with the items, there is likely no boundaries in their homes. Not sure that is too uncommon in this day.

Nice thing to do OP, personally I would not have taken them as I have mild OCD (could be one of the reasons a few may have not taken them).

SinnerBoy · 15/12/2022 09:39

This is nothing to do with being poor and too proud to accept charity. If they had pride, they'd have controlled their kids and put the shoes back.

They're simply unpleasant people, who don't care about other people.

It's almost all terraces in my area and there are often things on walls, or tables. People stop and take things, without vandalising the display.

When I was young, I was pleased to get nice, passed on clothes. I don't think I had jeans which I hadn't bought from a charity shop until I was over 25.

ScornedChicken · 15/12/2022 09:39

onefedupmum · 15/12/2022 09:06

Obviously your a nice person surrounded by lazy half arsed parents.
I'd take them to the school, they will know whose struggling and needs the extra help. My local school gives out clothes etc to struggling families but discreetly.

Very thoughtful thing to do OP. I like this idea^. Sometimes I go by the local community centres and chat with the person on the till and ask what they are short of and the kids shoes always go quickly they say (too many toys donated though). They also give bundles out to families in need.

Stayathomenamechange · 15/12/2022 09:39

Fair enough not to want to take someone's old boots, out of pride. I can relate to that. But where's the "pride" in allowing your children to sweep them all off the wall or throw them around?