To really not get the mentality of some parents…

[LivIoe]

I live near a school and it’s snowed heavily. I noticed that quite a few children were in the snow in slip on ballet pump style shoes or canvas shoes, or generally inappropriate footwear that would leave them with wet feet or slipping over.

I hunted out my children’s old snow boots/ study walking boots. They ranged from about a size 10 to size 3, primary school sizes. Then I put them in pairs on the wall outside, with a post-it saying ‘free’ and noting the size. Just ‘free, size 12) for example.

I came home and some were in the bush, didn’t think much of it- just put them back. I then saw a child run up with a stick and sweep them all off the wall, while his mum watched.

Put them back.

Then I heard shouting, some kids were throwing them at each other! About yr 3, their mums said stop and left them all over the pavement (I saw from upstairs, so didn’t get out to say anything).

before people aak

• all shoes were in good condition, some branded, not tatty
• Ive not had any negative interaction with anyone locally, didn’t recognise them
• yes, some of the kids doing it were in light shoes…
• all were around mid primary age with parents

What am I missing in the thought process here?

I'm a parent and grandparent and wellingtons and walking boots/stout shoes have always been a necessity. I don't know what you are talking about.

I was also a teacher and school made provision for storing boots and changing into indoor shoes or plimsolls.

I think they treated the shoes like that because they felt they were being insulted. "Here you are, poor people, revel in my bounty" is how it could be perceived, and that gets people's backs up, and that makes them tear down and trash whatever is on offer. Kind of like how you'd feel if someone rummaged in their bin and took out a still-slightly-warm slice of pizza and offered it to you saying "ooh you look hungry".

Again, not saying it's right, just that people who feel they're thought of as charity cases tend to react pretty badly. Basically, it's their problem, not yours, OP. You didn't do anything wrong, it was taken the wrong way.

Well these rude ignorant parents that stood and watched their rude children with no manners play about with these boots and throw them around, if these parents knew they didn’t want them, why on Earth would they not just leave them for someone who did need? How embarrassing for them. Prob far to far up their own backsides

BertieBotts · Today 11:56
I don’t understand one word of your paragraph.

My DD would have that off in seconds lol Its the exact same action as pulling off a hat it just goes down a bit more.

She has litrally pulled a coat off over her head like a jumper before when trying to pull the hood off like a hat.

There is this aswell... some schools make you send in wellies seperately and they change into them there (it annoys people though as you need 2 pairs, one for school and one for home instead of just one pair).

They didn't need two sets of wellies - just changed out of the ones they wore to school. I meant storing them during during the day.

Why on earth would people feel like charity cases because of some free shoes sat on a wall? Op wasn't running after people demanding they take the things 🤣

Some parents allow their children to do whatever they feel like doing that's just the way it is

Why would you be a ‘scrubber’ for walking past a charity shop?

People are odd. Second hand things are sometimes taken as rubbish / worthless.

I think a lot of people on this thread are simply projecting some very weird things on ‘poor people’. Like they are some underclass, semi feral and likely to throw things that cause them offence due to their ‘pride’. People who would not provide for their children and aren’t very bright, they confuse free things on a wall with personal insults. It’s a really really weird viewpoint.

No one is actually saying they, as an adult, do this. Just other people they’ve seen or heard from.

Apart from the one who claims safeguarding. If that isn’t trolling they honestly need therapy, for their children’s sake. That level of paranoia and fear could wreck a childhood.

No, it isn't, trust me. If you pull it from the top it won't come off, especially if the suit is done up all the way. You have to reach down under the chin and pull it out and over the face from the bottom part at the front. Babies and toddlers can't do it if they are wearing something over it because they can't access the part you need to pull.

I'm not judging, just saying for a tip if you do want to make a baby keep a hat on. As I say, I live in a country where it is simply non-negotiable and babies cannot be allowed to take their hats off, so this is a tried and tested method. In the UK it doesn't usually matter so much but if you let a baby take its hat off outside in winter here that would be neglectful, so it's just not an option.

This just a tale from school. When I was at school no one used the green ‘bogie’ cups. I doubt the same people would shout ‘you have the lurgy’ now they are adults if I used a green mug

Maybe some are @LivIoe … I did think you were trying to understand and was throwing a suggestion in. I do agree that it’s frustrating when people make broad judgements but it’s hard to talk about groups of people without making generalisations.

It is more nuanced than something on a wall being a personal insult. It’s more a mentality that cast offs are worthless and akin to rubbish, rather than something that could actually help someone. If you’ve been brought up with the idea that second hand is equivalent to dirty and poor then it sort of explains (though does not excuse) the throwing around.

It was a kind thing to do and it is a shame it was spoiled. I just gave my input as I honestly did grow up surrounded with these sorts of attitudes and I do still see some of it at work.

ClawedButler · Today 16:16

I think they treated the shoes like that because they felt they were being insulted.

I think it's because they're shit people, who don't care. In my area, there a often displays like that and I've only ever seen people going through and taking a few things. All sorts of people, some better dressed, some not.

I live in a ‘middle class’ area and people round here put all sorts of stuff on their walls to be taken. Those boots would have even snapped up in no time.

Christ I never knew that. Thanks expert.

We're a mix of everything from middle class down to halfway houses for ex convicts and drug addicts.

Well done for being able to afford snow boots in the first place, and for having the largesse to leave the old ones outside for the poor people.

I wonder if the school has a clothes collection so you could donate the shoes to the school directly perhaps? A few schools near me have a stash of essentials they can give out to kids they notice might be in need so it might be another way to help out but more discreetly as I think some people feel embarrassed

i agree take them into class and get the teachers to give them out. Less obvious.

I observed similar in my area primary girls in skirts and socks and I was shocked

@Motherskiss might have been my DD 😂. She refuses to wear tights although I don’t blame her so we have over the knee socks (that she’ll roll down at school 🤦🏻‍♀️), yes even in the snow.

I’m not a troll, I just don’t think you’re the paragon of virtue and generosity that you clearly think you are.