To really not get the mentality of some parents…

[LivIoe]

I live near a school and it’s snowed heavily. I noticed that quite a few children were in the snow in slip on ballet pump style shoes or canvas shoes, or generally inappropriate footwear that would leave them with wet feet or slipping over.

I hunted out my children’s old snow boots/ study walking boots. They ranged from about a size 10 to size 3, primary school sizes. Then I put them in pairs on the wall outside, with a post-it saying ‘free’ and noting the size. Just ‘free, size 12) for example.

I came home and some were in the bush, didn’t think much of it- just put them back. I then saw a child run up with a stick and sweep them all off the wall, while his mum watched.

Put them back.

Then I heard shouting, some kids were throwing them at each other! About yr 3, their mums said stop and left them all over the pavement (I saw from upstairs, so didn’t get out to say anything).

before people aak

• all shoes were in good condition, some branded, not tatty
• Ive not had any negative interaction with anyone locally, didn’t recognise them
• yes, some of the kids doing it were in light shoes…
• all were around mid primary age with parents

What am I missing in the thought process here?

AngeloMysterioso · Today 19:04

Well done for being able to afford snow boots in the first place, and for having the largesse to leave the old ones outside for the poor people.

Sorry, but I do think that's rather mean spirited.

It was a really nice gesture and almost always there will be people who spoil it, it’s almost inevitable - but, for someone that kindness could be the very thing that stops them breaking.

Dont stop being a nice person but equally don’t expect people to be as nice and that way you won’t get hurt.

Also, as a previously very poor person a lot of the names brands you see children wear is because it’s from catalogues and people can get the items before they even start to pay for them and catalogues don’t really sell basic brands.

Can’t believe the behaviour of some children and their families these days.

On another note. My DD’s primary school have banned boots!! I even questioned it as a parent and also a teacher. Nope. Shoes only. Having followed the rules and my DD has come home with cold and damp feet from her shoes on the snow, and having noticed many children still wearing boots she asked if she could accidentally put her boots on today!! God yes.

I'd get in touch with a local school as they will be able to get them to whomever needs them. Don't let a few assholes put you off being nice

Two separate issues I think:

1. messing with them was rude, yes, absolutely.
2. the children probably prefer to wear the ‘fashionable’ shoes (ballet pumps etc) rather than ‘uncool’ snow boots. I also think they don’t feel the cold the same.. there is a photo of me and my friend kicking around somewhere, circa 1996, in the snow in school skirts and socks! So it’s not a new thing. I definitely wouldn’t have wanted the secondhand boots as a kid, even though you were doing a nice thing, sorry OP.

To those of you whose children won't dress sensibly in the cold weather to fit in with their mates, the good news is that they will change. My son has finally agreed to wear a hat - he's 23.

I think what you are missing her is that most people are complete tossers. Simple as that.
“No good deed fours unpunished” and all that.

Where do you live? That just wouldn’t happen where I live. They would be grabbed and used though. People round here live a freebie!

While it seems like a nice gesture depending on where you are it is not seen as something you would be putting on your body.

I think the reception would have been different if you was standing outside with the shoes to reinforce the note you left with them and even asking people as they go by if it was needed, however you need to bare in mind that when the kids are already on the trip to school it is not the tip to be picking up random boots/shoes off of a strangers wall to put them on.

Kids are destructive and will throw all sorts of things all over the place so having things knocked off the wall seems like something I would expect from primary school kids (where I live we have about 10 schools all around us and more if you go further out). I think what is to be questioned is why the parents that in fact do know better have not pulled their kids up and corrected their behaviour! As much as I can imagine the kids doing that here, what I cannot imagine is the parents allowing it to happen knowing that it’s commonplace for pupils to be reported to their schools and the parents pulled up for this behaviour if they were with them.

maybe the issue is also that, the fact that there is likely not going to be any repercussions means there is no incentive to stop their kids because they can just cast a blind eye and nothing will come of it. I guess you don’t live with many schools around and likely just a few so you know which school these kids would be going? If so you have the option of speaking to the school about the situation and explain while you didn’t expect kids to have to take the shoes, at the same time the last thing you expected was that pupils from their school would deface property instead of just walking past and mention it bringing down the schools reputation.

Next time, unless you see people looking for suitable shoes, don’t assume they would want strangers shoes that have now been seen by many people in passing so would be spotted in the playground to make a easy target. If you cared that much, you would have put a note to say “beware the ice here is slipping people up” or similar, you could have reached out to people to ask if they would like a change of shoes and better yet just gone to the school and offered them which they could put aside for those in need… just leaving things on a wall (note or not) is what people would do with rubbish, not how you help people.

Sorry, I’ve been trying not to reply again- but I actually LOLed at the idea of standing outside and telling people to put the boots on

90% of people have focused on the boots being out, which I find odd.

Why would I care if they aren’t taken? As I said before, it’s just an offer- not an order. Take it or leave it.

The bit I take issue with is the throwing them around or chucking them on the ground.

Its the bit that’s weird. I mean, I don’t like my neighbours hanging baskets. They are dead and decaying, but I don’t go and throw them at their fence. It’s not really normal to teach children to throw even crisps packets or cans around on the pavement is it? Or is it…?

On the edge of some naice middle class London streets where children with little stripy ties Chuck boots around

Haha I didn’t mean you should stand out there and give orders like some control freak, I just meant that it could have been seen differently if there was someone standing with them and it for sure would have deterred kids from disrespecting your stuff, or at least make the parents act accordingly instead of how they did, but for sure wasn’t saying that is what you should have done instead.

To be honest I’m in London and we don’t have people put things out saying help yourself, but I have seen in other parts of the country people do that with produce especially home grown ones, here that would seem very out of place and asking for trouble. I’m not sure where in London you are but unless it’s the outskirts you might not see that where you are either.

Back in the days when I was a kid, if you wanted something taken or stolen then you would leave it outside your front door or gate and step inside for less than 5 minutes and sure enough it was gone when you returned! As time went on people started changing and they were thinking any trash they wanted to get rid of could be dealt with the same way (I guess the council was getting worse with rubbish collection and people were getting lazier). Now you will find all items of clothing thrown on the street, on someone’s front wall, household items just collecting as no longer did those same thieves have interest anymore. Or waiting for the white van with bell to come round collecting crap (I don’t know if that sounds familiar to you but is was normal when i was growing up 🤣).

Car boot sales are not really a thing here either, you would have to travel out for that, people would rather buy things here than take free offers and even when you see someone is in need, if you offer them what is needed, chances are you will get the complete opposite to what you expect.

you can start up a little group that offers things in certain times (for example like now it’s snow which doesn’t happen here often), or you can call around schools, community centres, churches and similar because I can assure you it the cost of living crisis there are many needy people that actually need your generosity but trying to find them may not be as easy as expecting people to collect from your garden wall.

I'd guess OP nows whether she lives in an area where it's generally normal to leave/pick up free stuff from front gardens. I've lived in 4 different towns and several boroughs of London and you can tell pretty soon which neighbourhoods do this as a matter of course and which ones would find it weird. People do it all over London.

FWIW I live in an area very similar to OP's descriptions of her neighbourhood and I would absolutely take random free snow boots off someone's front wall! I wish someone near me was giving some away right now as DS has just decided his are "pinchy" (they're half a size bigger than his trainers so I don't get the logic but whatever) and I don't want to buy another pair for the remaining 3 days of snow!

@goodnightsugarpop you are correct… I know it’s normal here. I learnt the habit here, having come from a rural village where it certainly didn’t happen!

We have car boot sales, and not far they do those jumble trail things too. I’m not on my own in this. I’ve picked up stuff myself. I’ve even knocked to say thank you and double check on occasion for really good stuff (have you read the laundry basket thread?!).

Politely, I’m not starting any groups because I don’t have the time, the inclination or an endless supply of stuff. I just happened to have snow boots from last year. Mostly I need stuff myself more often than I have stuff

I live in a deprived area, all Victorian terraces but it's very lentil-weavy and your boots would have all gone within the hour. The affluent area 5 mins in one direction and the estate up the road which is 'notorious', shall we say would almost certainly turn their noses up.

Lentil weavy victorian terraces are not deprived. The area you describe as notorious probably is.

@LivIoe I was on my way to the Park with dog and saw some gorgeous leather shoes and other stuff in what looked like my size on a wall.
I was just checking the size, and a woman came rushing out saying ''they are MINE!'...she was just putting stuff on a wall prior to loading her car!

A friend {Antiques dealer} was delivering stuff to me in his van and left a valuable antique rocking horse unattended on the pavement to move my stuff out...I said ''Don't do that! it'll be gone!''
I flew out of the house and thankfully it was still there.
That horse is now in Australia.

OP it was a kind thing to offer, and the DCs and parents were arseholes. If you don't want them, move along. In my village they would have been gratefully snapped up, although there would usually be an accompanying FB post on our village page to reach a wider audience.

I have also been amazed to see 90% of parents and DCs slipping and sliding their way along the pavements in really unsuitable footwear this week. I can understand being caught out with DCs as feet grow quickly, but I would have expected more of the adults to be shod for the conditions. Having spoken (moaned!) to quite a few about the state of the paths, it is clear quite a lot don't realise how much grippier snow boots or even walking boots are.

The problem was it was boots, not alcohol.

I've given away alcohol and that, most def, dues not hang about or get throw around.

Joking aside.... Give them to a charity shop.

There is a phenomenon if inappropriate clothing for the weather/season among a lot of ppl in the UK.

Maybe it's the temperate climate. They just can't adjust to eg cold weather.
Maybe it's because they usually don't suffer any real ill effects from being stupidly/crappliy attired ... Whereas someone in eg Poland in the winter adding around in unsuitable clothing for any real.anountnifbtime might get frostbite or hypothermia.

*arsing around

There is no excuse in the world for children being allowed to act in this way.

What a lovely thing for you to do. If I needed a pair for my kids I would have happily accepted and knocked on the door to say thank you.
Do not let this incident put you off being who you are.

just leaving things on a wall (note or not) is what people would do with rubbish, not how you help people.

As quite a number of people have said, it's not seen as a way dealing with rubbish and people do appreciate it.