To really not get the mentality of some parents…

[LivIoe]

I live near a school and it’s snowed heavily. I noticed that quite a few children were in the snow in slip on ballet pump style shoes or canvas shoes, or generally inappropriate footwear that would leave them with wet feet or slipping over.

I hunted out my children’s old snow boots/ study walking boots. They ranged from about a size 10 to size 3, primary school sizes. Then I put them in pairs on the wall outside, with a post-it saying ‘free’ and noting the size. Just ‘free, size 12) for example.

I came home and some were in the bush, didn’t think much of it- just put them back. I then saw a child run up with a stick and sweep them all off the wall, while his mum watched.

Put them back.

Then I heard shouting, some kids were throwing them at each other! About yr 3, their mums said stop and left them all over the pavement (I saw from upstairs, so didn’t get out to say anything).

before people aak

• all shoes were in good condition, some branded, not tatty
• Ive not had any negative interaction with anyone locally, didn’t recognise them
• yes, some of the kids doing it were in light shoes…
• all were around mid primary age with parents

What am I missing in the thought process here?

If you are in london that was not "heavy" snow!!!

The local academy chain here doesn't allow children to come to school in anything other than 'proper' school shoes, no matter what the weather. When snow is forecast, they actually send texts to parents to reiterate that ankle boots and wellies etc are not allowed when in school uniform and that there will be teachers patrolling the streets near the school to check. I don't understand how they can get away with that but academies seem to be allowed to do what they want. So it might not be the parents' choice

Yes sadly some academies do have ludicrous rules and there doesn't seem to be anything you can do about it, other than shame them in the local press/on social media I guess. Headteachers do often back down then, even if they subsequently send out letters about parents unreasonably raising things in public.

This.

It was for London, given there is usually no snow at all! And it was more than I've got here, which is just an icing-sugar type sprinkle.

Well I promise they have been chucked now and no one will be exposed to the sheer offence of it again 🤷‍♀️
I simply didn’t cotton on that people think offering snow boots is judging them, but I have given up ok? Wear flip flops if it rocks your boat

That's not true.

Yes, people in the middle generally do have no issue with second hand but lots of very wealthy people are just as brand mad as the poor, its usually more subtle, but its the same little insecure markers .

No idea but I’d keep doing it because someone might be really grateful. I got a lovely Laura Ashley coat that someone had left in their front garden. I doubt anyone else would have taken it because it was very creased but after a dry clean it’s my favourite coat!

It’s above ankle height.

This is really really wild…. But sometimes just because you didn’t see it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. But as I said, if you want to wear flip flops or whatever… it’s fine by me

Yep, uniform is a pseudo religion with the local chain. Apparently you'll learn much better by travelling in school shoes and having wet cold feet than being sensible and using boots. Being shown those messages by friends with older kids had a big impact on my decision making for secondary school.

You've done your best, OP, don't feel guilty.

Real shame they were chucked, if you mean landfill site.

I'm forever donating stuff to charity, if its really tatty I go to the recycling centre, which accepts clothes and shoes.

This is so true. When my D.C. were little we were doing ok. We were older parents who lived in a detached house in a nice area and we had enough to pay the mortgage and bills etc whilst I remained a SAHM. We could get by on DH's salary but even so my middle class friends and I were very keen on swapping secondhand kids clothes/toys etc.

At one point I took a weekend job in a call call centre, mostly to pay for luxuries like meals out and holidays and also to get out of the house. Working there I made good friends with younger people who were properly hard up. So next time I had a few (good quality, good condition) baby/toddler clothes to pass on I took them to work before offering them to my local network. Nobody wanted anything.

One man said to me that his wife would be ashamed to dress their children in second hand stuff, that she would see it as them failing as parents. She would be insulted of he took any of the clothes home. This guy was a mate so I know he worked full time weekdays in the civil service, 4 nights a week in a petrol station and then weekends at the call centre and was always first in line for BH overtime. He was literally never at home with his family but his wife thought that was better than dressing the kids in second hand Clothkits/Boden/M&S.

Needless to say that at the next NCT coffee morning, the SAHM mums who drove up in their BMWs fell on the clothes with cries of rapture!

DD's school doesn't allow any kind of boots, or shoes with thick soles. They aren't allowed wellies as there is no place to store them. They have to remove coats at the gate. It gives me the absolute rage, we live somewhere where 9 times out of 10 it is pissing down.
People who can only afford one pair of shoes are forced to buy something impractical. DD's school isn't an academy and has above average fsm pupils, they are just utterly batshit about certain things.

I understand that a sense of pride would prevent them from taking the boots / shoes, but why pick them up and throw them around? And why do the parents let this happen? Manners have nothing to do with money.

Honestly it was not so much snow on pavements that kids would have soaking feet in side normal leather school shoes. Leather school shoes are quite robust, even the ones with ballet style uppers usually have thick rubber soles.

You sound like you are quite OTT about the weather and imposing that on others. Kids are tough. In an in demand school those kids will only be walking 5-10 mins to school, snow boots really are not essential.

The kids shouldn't have been knocking them off the wall but its a confusing place to put them, where i live that would irritate people as it makes the neighbourhood look scruffy, and the only things that people would put on a wall like that would be lost items.

Poor people have little joy in their lives, they struggle to pay rent/mortgage, both parents must work like dogs, they live in poor areas with stress of rubbish, break ins, gangs, etc.
So why wouldn't they want to participate in the "joys of consumerism" ?

I wish there were more people like you around OP

Surely you could have bunged them back in the cupboard awaiting the next charity bag that comes in the door?

Or drop them into a recycling bin outside the supermarket?

Binning them is just daft.

Maybe I could have left them scattered over the road and pavement? That ok?

I’ m off to work if anyone does the WHERE’S OP????

Tbh, they’re in a clean bag on top of the bin, I’ll move them if I can but right now I cannot be bothered with people. Every charity shop has a ‘we are not accepting donations sign’, the clothes bins were removed due to vandalism and I don’t have a working car to go miles to the recycling centre. Im not on your world, which is the simple answer to why it might be a little different in my world to do the same things you find easy.

This thread has made me give up quite a bit on trying as well.

pleas can people note I am at work now… hence the replies

I’m interested. Those of you who say it’s about being poor and pride.

How many of you are personally experiencing this. Your children have needs. Bit pride is stopping you from buying hand me downs or cheaper items.

I don't get that, either. If you can afford to buy the brand new designer/branded stuff, in order to show that you aren't poor and have 'pride', then you can't actually be that poor in the first place, can you?!

Genuinely poor people will accept being given things or cheap second-hand stuff, however much it may hit their pride, as the alternative is not having essential things at all.

It doesn't help when the tabloids run 'gotcha'-style 'features' about somebody who bought an item of clothing at some stage actually wearing it - just because it isn't the first time they've been spotted wearing it in public. I think there should be 'shame' (for want of a nicer word) in not wearing clothes many times and then passing/selling them on - or receiving/buying them - when they've been outgrown or become unloved. It's utter madness to consider clothes as disposable items.

Keep putting things out for others. It’s so kind.

I understand that a sense of pride would prevent them from taking the boots / shoes, but why pick them up and throw them around? And why do the parents let this happen? Manners have nothing to do with money.

Yes, exactly. As I always think when people come on to MN threads just to berate people for caring about the subject, if something is not for you, just scroll/walk on by and ignore it.

I despise vandals even more than thieves, tbh (excepting genuine poor people who steal basic essentials that they simply cannot afford to buy) - I can fully see the motivation of thieves, but where is the joy in just wantonly ruining things for everybody else?

How can you let your child out of the house with matted hair? I am autistic, but my mother brushed my hair throughly every day. Saying no was not an option. Parents can’t be friends with young children. They need to be authoritarian alphas. Though I usually look like I was dragged through a hedge, I start the day neat and tidy. Early habits are like compound interest.

I went to a strict private girls’ school in a winters climate. We could wear boots to school, but had to change shoes before homeroom. It’s terrible children are penalized for wearing appropriate outdoor clothes.

You did a nice thing. Some people are just arseholes, that applies to kids too.

I think you did a really nice thing and I despair at some of the responses on this thread.

In the past I've often sat and waited in my car for DC in my very nice middle class area and watched some truly awful behaviour from local, middle-class, "outstanding" infant / junior school children - vandalism of people's gardens, cars, fences etc just general lack of respect, utter thoughtlessness for other people or property. More often than not the well-to-do mums are off to the side, chatting, seeing what their children are doing but for some reason very rarely stepping and in telling them to stop.

Occasionally I have stepped in when for example it looks as though someone's car is about to be damaged or something is thrown at my windscreen.

Always utterly baffled me. Has nothing to do with money or class imo. Just a sad reflection of today's society and people's general sense of total entitlement perhaps?