To really not get the mentality of some parents…

[LivIoe]

I live near a school and it’s snowed heavily. I noticed that quite a few children were in the snow in slip on ballet pump style shoes or canvas shoes, or generally inappropriate footwear that would leave them with wet feet or slipping over.

I hunted out my children’s old snow boots/ study walking boots. They ranged from about a size 10 to size 3, primary school sizes. Then I put them in pairs on the wall outside, with a post-it saying ‘free’ and noting the size. Just ‘free, size 12) for example.

I came home and some were in the bush, didn’t think much of it- just put them back. I then saw a child run up with a stick and sweep them all off the wall, while his mum watched.

Put them back.

Then I heard shouting, some kids were throwing them at each other! About yr 3, their mums said stop and left them all over the pavement (I saw from upstairs, so didn’t get out to say anything).

before people aak

• all shoes were in good condition, some branded, not tatty
• Ive not had any negative interaction with anyone locally, didn’t recognise them
• yes, some of the kids doing it were in light shoes…
• all were around mid primary age with parents

What am I missing in the thought process here?

** person on till because they have a little shop attached

Well, to be honest, I think unless the shoes happened to be shoes my children would love, we wouldn't take them either. It just feels a bit odd. And I think you're making a big mistake assuming that the children are in "inappropriate" footwear because they can't afford it or are caught out. Lots of times it can be hard to get children to wear the more appropriate shoes. or they're only allowed certain types of shoes at school and parents aren't going to buy the "right kind" in 50 different weather types.

The smashing it all off the wall was unnecessary though and rude.

I think the throwing them around is because free is seen as synonymous to rubbish.

it is wrong but that is why.

It isn’t an odd thing to do, it was nice. But people do sometimes react strangely to being offered something for free, even if it isn’t offered to them personally.

This is nothing to do with the boots though. It was a good idea and people may or not have chosen to take them depending on a range of factors.

But to let children behave like that is unacceptable but sadly becoming more common. Of course children alone and unsupervised will turn them into toys to play with. But we as adults need to teach them why they shouldn't do that and what behaviour is ok and what isn't.

I think you are absolutely lovely for doing this, and the scamps and their parents who let them mess about are awful.
If they don't go by the end of today perhaps see if the school would like them directly, or a local refuge perhaps

I totally get most people not wanting them, no skin off my nose if they are left there and I bag them up again. It’s just an offer, not an order to dress your child how I dictate. I expected they maybe one or two pairs to go at most. I’m well aware after enjoying many years of hand me downs that they are hard to give away due to offence (suits me though, many years of free quality clothes so I don’t really care).

The but I find odd, the bit I can’t grasp is throwing them around or sweeping them off the wall. Just because they don’t want them no one should? Is it a control thing? I don’t like this so no one shall like it? An urge to make a point they don’t want it there at all? Is it a badge of pride to throw them? Performance art? What’s the the thinking?

The poor behaviour in throwing them around is inexcusable, yes.

Re the children not wearing 'appropriate' footwear/clothes, it's often the child not the parents. For example and just as a statement of fact and not a boast, both our ds's have what amounts to a couple of hundred pounds worth of proper winter gear that they will happily wear when out with us at weekends but would rather freeze to death than wear for school. Proper boots, thermals, walking socks, insulated waterproof coats, snow gloves, hats, etc. Son no2 deigned to wear his boots and coat this week but only because he has a mile walk in four inches of compacted icy snow. Son no1 refused everything and went in his usual thin cotton shirt and suit, with his thin coat left in his bag. What can you do?

Bloody hell I'd have grabbed them! My child is almost exclusively dressed in hand-me-downs mainly because I love being part of the cycling kids stuff and then passing them on with better replacements if necessary. There is something so satisfying about it.

Do you have a local freecycle or eco community Facebook group? Our local eco community group is really active & I've both given & received quite a few bits on there. There's been offers of similar boots in the last few days & they've been snapped up.

Well no wonder there is so many badly behaved children around if parents just stand and watch them being naughty.
that was a nice thing to do though.

I think this I must admit is part of my misunderstandings.

My children, yes one is asd and I have 5 so I’m reasonably experienced, don’t get the option to walk in snow in summer shoes. I’ll weather that tantrum and I’m not going to inflict a cold wet moany child on a teacher and pass them the issue. I’ve put an older child in a buggy to avoid it, I’ve made visual timetables the night before with pictures of the shoes on for tomorrow, I’ve removed other shoes to the loft etc. My children get choices that are safe and don’t impact others, like food choices, but not anything. They can try snow in bare feet as a sensory experience, that’s fine, I’ll have nearby the means to warm them up and manage it- but not to walk around in all the time.

What a lovely gesture op. Maybe gift them to the school directly and they could use them at playtime or perhaps know the parents would appreciate the boots.

The children's behaviour is appalling - I always told my dc to pick things up or behave appropriately. It's just lazy parenting. I would be tempted to go out and say something!

Some were Sorel boots I believe were unworn (didn’t fit mine when given). It seemed reasonable

We have the same set up at DS's school.

They have a "Swap Shop" and you can send not just shoes, coats etc, but all types of clothing including warm pyjama's blankets, hot water bottles, even household items etc, etc, etc.

Anyone who needs anything just gets in touch with school on the QT and and they are given whatever they require no questions asked.

It's really helping according to the Head and now all my donations go there rather than the big charity chains.

This.

Sickofcoughing · Today 09:55

My child is almost exclusively dressed in hand-me-downs mainly because I love being part of the cycling kids stuff and then passing them on with better replacements if necessary.

Our girl has had quite a lot of hand me downs, shoes included. She's also passed them on to friend's kids, who were younger. She had a really good pair of black school shoes given to her, which I gave to our friend's girl, as they were still in very good condition.

I agree with this. I grew up poor, my parents never took handouts as they felt to ashamed. Many of my family feel the need to refuse free things and will put themselves into debt to ensure their 3 month old baby has a fucking designer tracksuit so they look like they have money.

I remember getting grief from my family for doing a car boot sale, I got rid of loads of stuff piling up in my garage and made £60. My parents and brother were apparently embarrassed for me and if I needed £60 so much then they could have given it me. They couldn’t understand it wasn’t about the money, I actually have far more money than them, because I don’t feel ashamed of accepting things for free or buying non branded and second hand things, unlike them.

Can you not just hand them into the school offic/reception area? That way parents can help themselves.

’I mean, it was a kind gesture but who wants to go and pick up boots off a wall?!
Take them to a school, maybe they could keep them in case a child needs them.’

This ^

@LivIoe
My children, yes one is asd and I have 5 so I’m reasonably experienced, don’t get the option to walk in snow in summer shoes. I’ll weather that tantrum

Right! Slightly surprised at PP framing it as a choice, the child has to wear what’s appropriate and that’s the end of it.

If you're on Facebook look for your local freegle group......I can guarantee someone will bite your hand off for them.......I give away all my dds old clothes on there now or pass it on to a church clothing bank. Mainly because I'm appalled at how greedy some charity shops are getting 😬

Who wants to pick boots of a wall - Exactly!
Hand them into school or somewhere, round here the council collects winter jackets for kids.

Pick your battles with your LO and don't stress. They will put clothes on when they are cold.
My nearly 6yo is exactly like this, hates being wrapped up. Absolutely hates it. But doesn't really feel the cold either.
Cannot stand school trousers, so off to school in -8 in shorts. But I'll count my successes he has a jumper, jacket and gloves. An improvement on last week's fleece!

I'd hate to think people were judging me, thinking he's in shorts because of poverty .

I’ve said up thread why I don’t believe from their dress, uniforms or the catchment this is likely. Looked like the gentrified middle class mummy set involved, not the stereotypes of feckless poor people people have suffering from ill judged choices.

I grew up poor, but from abroad. I don’t remember ever being offered a freebie so I can’t comment on the pride. I’d have taken them I reckon

Exactly this!