To really not get the mentality of some parents…

[LivIoe]

I live near a school and it’s snowed heavily. I noticed that quite a few children were in the snow in slip on ballet pump style shoes or canvas shoes, or generally inappropriate footwear that would leave them with wet feet or slipping over.

I hunted out my children’s old snow boots/ study walking boots. They ranged from about a size 10 to size 3, primary school sizes. Then I put them in pairs on the wall outside, with a post-it saying ‘free’ and noting the size. Just ‘free, size 12) for example.

I came home and some were in the bush, didn’t think much of it- just put them back. I then saw a child run up with a stick and sweep them all off the wall, while his mum watched.

Put them back.

Then I heard shouting, some kids were throwing them at each other! About yr 3, their mums said stop and left them all over the pavement (I saw from upstairs, so didn’t get out to say anything).

before people aak

• all shoes were in good condition, some branded, not tatty
• Ive not had any negative interaction with anyone locally, didn’t recognise them
• yes, some of the kids doing it were in light shoes…
• all were around mid primary age with parents

What am I missing in the thought process here?

If you read the thread, I said I offered them because I thought maybe people were caught out by the snow coming after a warmish patch- not that they were in poverty. It was unexpected and it’s quite likely loads of people hadn’t expected walking in snow in the south in December so hadn’t purchased anything suitable.
In the uk you can get away many winters without snow boots.

Yep- all of this. I would not pick up a random pair of used boots off the street to give to my children. Sorry but I just wouldnt.

As a kid, my mum used to make me wear sensible shoes and as soon as she was out of sight from the school gate, i'd change into the shoes I wanted to wear which werent very practical I admit but I was a stubborn kid who thought I knew better.

It was a nice gesture but I think you are being a tad unreasonable for labelling parents as uncaring simply because they dont want to pick up what to them, might look like an old discarded pair of shoes to give to their kids. I agree they shouldnt have been throwing them about though.

Yo let your child do this as you watch on, speaks volumes about what sort of people these parents are. Sad.

That’s a kind action. Some people don’t care and ruin things for others. The parents of these knocking the shoes off your wall should have got their kids to pick the shoes up and then apologised to you. They should have rung the bell/knocked at your door and had their kids apologise for their unacceptable behaviour. Many parents now don’t care themselves so are raising kids who are violent.
It’s usual to see items on the street to give away. People put all sorts out on the pavement with a free sticker on it. There’s no shame for people to take things that are offered for free. Watch out for those who take stuff to resell it. They would take all the shoes in one go.

Drop them into your local church or school and they will ensure they get to the right people.

I haven’t.

I asked why you’d let your child throw them around or sweep them off the wall in front of you?

Why would you? Is it so so beneath you it should be removed from your neighbourhood? It’s funny? Things like this should be kept to points you approve of?

So people would rather their children wear inadequate clothes for the weather rather than have something free?

Blimey some people shouldn’t be parents if they can’t put their children’s needs first.

Sadly, I think there are some parents who simply don't care about their children; they're selfish and put themselves first, second and last.

I'm prepared to be 'educated', if I've missed something major, but I always think the same when you see the appeals to give for children who don't own even a single book. I remember my DM telling me that, when she was young, books were very expensive and treasured, shared around and read time and time again; but now, 70+ years on, you can get them in charity shops for 10p, schools and libraries often have clearouts and give away lots of good children's books for free or very cheaply indeed, and parents are always keen to get rid of and hand on old books that their children have outgrown - even brand new ones can often be had for £1 or so from Poundland or The Works - so I'm always sceptical of the idea that loads of children don't own a single book simply because their parents can't afford them, even.

Of course, it's not the children's fault - and it's essential to give them the support they need, if their parents just CBA; but the leaflets and TV adverts always paint loving parents who passionately wish that they could buy books for their children, when in reality, if they really did care, they could very easily provide some books for their kids.

Rubbish behaviour from the kids/ parent letting them do this.

However I'm not surprised they weren't taken. You said it's not a particularly deprived area and people aren't experiencing money worries.

I think people just don't see this issue around snow and appropriate footwear - if they did and they have money, they would just buy the right shoes for their kids.

Snow is not a very common occurence in the UK and I think people just have a blind spot for it.

It was thoughtful of you but I think even with the shoes right there for the taking, people just aren't going to connect the dots that they need to get their kids different shoes. They'll just battle through it for a few days until the snow melts. Most people who have money probably wouldn't take shoes off a wall.

It’s really really common round here.

Ive for all my childrens’ skates and skateboards this way, even some furniture

What you’re missing is how strong the sense of pride is for some people.

I understand the point you are making but it leads me to conclude that there is a level of poor where pride remains a luxury you can afford. That was not my experience as a child, I lived in hand me downs and second hand clothes which were gratefully accepted from wherever they came.

However OP didn't put them out because she pities people short of money but to help anyone who had been caught out by the weather. I think it's a lovely thing to do. I also think that people can avoid making it about money and very reasonably make use of second hand items for environmental reasons.

It's a shame that the people who didn't want them couldn't stop their children behaving as they did.

My theory is there’s a lot of ‘it’s too difficult’ round here. Children with long matted hair and stains on very expensive clothing. No coats as they said ‘no’ once.
They drop them at school crying with wet feet in the rain but ‘oh they wouldn’t listen. You as a teacher then waste ages getting shoes off and socks on radiators and deal with it. ‘But ds didn’t want to wear wellies’.
Or they drop them off in the winter at the gates in big cars, without coats. Child spends the whole of lunch hour sad, but mummy says he’s fine and doesn’t like coats (he’s fine in the car or a short brisk walk, but not an hour at lunch).
I actually don’t see many less affluent children in the same way. Only families with unusual and significant issues.

That was a lovely thing to do, OP.

You’ve both hit the nail on the head. Lazy parenting with an excuse for everything. It’s very sad for the children involved.

My theory is there’s a lot of ‘it’s too difficult’ round here. Children with long matted hair and stains on very expensive clothing. No coats as they said ‘no’ once.
They drop them at school crying with wet feet in the rain but ‘oh they wouldn’t listen. You as a teacher then waste ages getting shoes off and socks on radiators and deal with it. ‘But ds didn’t want to wear wellies’.

I think you've probably got it bang-on there.

One of the worst examples I always remember is when we went to a party and there were parents who gave their DS (aged about 9 or 10) multiple bottles of WKD. Their excuse was that 'it calms him down' (I think he may have had some SEN). I know that parenting brings many challenges - especially with SEN in the mix - but really, 'calming your 10yo down' by getting him pissed rather than bother actually trying to parent him in any way appropriately?

Some people have zero respect for anyone or anything else.

It's not hard to say to your DC "we don't do that, it's not nice, let's put them back."

I’m interested. Those of you who say it’s about being poor and pride.

How many of you are personally experiencing this. Your children have needs. Bit pride is stopping you from buying hand me downs or cheaper items.

Not your parents/ someone you know or a second hand experience/ observation- but you. You are in poverty and would not access affordable things. It’s not what I see among my friends. People go out of their way to see their children have that I know.

I just wonder, as having been without- yes I covered it up through pride, but it was about making the most of what you had. I remembered for example social services bought my mum a decent double buggy when my sisters were born disabled. It got around a few neighbours, but wasn’t rejected due to this.

My son 16 has never worn snowboots, wellies or anything like that. He simply won't keep them on. School have also tried. He is simply not having it. We are not a family with "significant issues". We are a family with a disabled child with severe sensory difficulties.

Things like this are better given to a charity or put on freegle.

Op you are being very judgmental.
Hand the boots into the school let then give them to kids who need them with a bit of discretion.

You did a very kind thoughtful thing. How bloody rude of children outside and the adults who clearly have issues with boundaries. I’ve taken things from outside peoples houses - if it’s pride getting in the way just go back later when no one is around- op - don’t justify your actions to anyone on this thread.

If anyones wondering this area is typical London. One school surrounded by leafy roads and very very hard to get into, other schools in 5 min walk are the other extreme of poverty and surrounded by totally different housing. It’s an area of huge extremes, which is common in London. You can’t say what the area is, it’s part gentrified and part families struggling. The uniform and dress of those I saw is a reasonable indication of their needs though.

Unless you also allow him to sweep shoes off walls why is that relevant.
I said one of my 5 is autistic.
Maybe not conventionally dressed, but I have found ways to not give them wet feet. I’ve even lined shoes with sandwich bags in between socks in desperation. Not really relevant though as it’s massively unlikely that all the children in shoes are SEN like ours isn’t it?

The local academy chain here doesn't allow children to come to school in anything other than 'proper' school shoes, no matter what the weather. When snow is forecast, they actually send texts to parents to reiterate that ankle boots and wellies etc are not allowed when in school uniform and that there will be teachers patrolling the streets near the school to check. I don't understand how they can get away with that but academies seem to be allowed to do what they want. So it might not be the parents' choice.

OP, you're right to pass on the boots and it's a shame people feel the need to ruin what might be wanted by someone else. I'd suggest giving them to a local uniform bank or find out which charity shops in your area sell kids shoes - here it's Scope, ours is great for kids stuff at very low prices.

Wow… that is awful! I’m glad our local schools are like that!

Ill be honest, I have 5 kids and one is disabled and two are sick and I feel rough. I’ve tried what I could but I don’t have the energy to go delivering them around or even lugging the bag. It was just a try that didn’t work, within the means I had.

People won't just pick up random boots off a wall.

Can you offer them free via a local buy sell or whatsapp group.

You sound a bit judgy btw. Lots of kids will refuse to wear those sorts of boots even when very cold.

I suspect it's nothing to do with money and the kids just don't want to wear boots. The other morning I went out for a walk when it was close to zero or minus something and kids were walking along to the local secondary school in their jumpers. One girl was standing at the end of the road waiting for friends, holding her jacket - a parent had obviously made her take it, but couldn't enforce her wearing it.

As for the knocking them off the wall and not picking them up, some parents think everyone else is their servant.