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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants to change unborn babies name - AIBU

277 replies

CanadianInBritain · 12/12/2022 15:36

38 weeks pregnant so am very possibly being unreasonable here but here goes nothing.

Pregnant with first baby, DH and I have been set on our names for years, a couple of months ago he made a slight musing about not being as confident with our name choice, I brushed it off as he was having other baby related worries at the time and his reasoning was a bit weak (5 people started at his work with the name and he was hearing it a lot, and decided he didn’t like it anymore)

Wasnt mentioned again until this morning, when he has pretty much said he is now 100% not happy with the name picked out and wants to go back to the drawing board.

Issue is, we have been quite open with the name since finding out the sex of our child, I come from a family of crafters who have been keen to know the name for a while so they can get embroidering, so now we have family and friends who have spent time making things for her with a name she might no longer have!!

I have said it’s a bit too late to change course now, if he had an issue he should have more strongly voiced it a few months ago or 5 years ago when we set our hearts on this name.

He has accused me of not taking his opinion into account, and tbh I can’t blame him as that’s exactly what’s happening here (not that I’d admit that outside of MN)

So wise people of MN who is unreasonable here.

YABU - although annoying he does have to be happy with the name too

YANBU - it’s too late to change now, he will need to suck it up

OP posts:
bellac11 · 12/12/2022 17:37

You both need to be happy with the name, his reasoning for changing his mind is irrelevant really, he has gone off it and if you went off it no doubt you wouldnt want him trying to persuade you to use it

It sounds like you're undermining his views in favour of some knitted bibs.

erinaceus · 12/12/2022 17:38

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 16:36

He is working with them for a year max, less than that as most won’t stay in his dept but yes I see your point.

Gah, now to try and get him away from his new favourite name of Teegan Envy

Show quote history

I don't think that the "year max" thing makes much of a difference. If one or two of them has made an impression on them personality-wise (which only takes one or two encounters in some cases) I can see how it throws his whole perception of the name out of alignment.

I like Tegan.

Perhaps if you posted some of your other criteria for names MN might be able to help you brainstorm.

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 17:39

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 12/12/2022 17:34

I can't believe one of the reasons you don't want to change your unborn baby's name, it that someone might have embroidered something 😂

If the name is that common that 5 people in his work have it, that would be enough to put me off too.

But if you really love the name you need to have a serious discussion.

Oh it’s not a might, there are several items with her name on it already and I think at least one other in the works which a co worker has been stitching away for weeks!

But yes I am grasping at straws here!

She even has an engraved wooden plate - yes I know how this sounds Blush

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 17:41

bellac11 · 12/12/2022 17:37

You both need to be happy with the name, his reasoning for changing his mind is irrelevant really, he has gone off it and if you went off it no doubt you wouldnt want him trying to persuade you to use it

It sounds like you're undermining his views in favour of some knitted bibs.

I’m undermining his views in favour of a name I love, the embroidered items are additional ammo which I understand is bat shit from these replies!

clpsmum · 12/12/2022 17:41

BIWI · 12/12/2022 15:38

This is why you should never share a name until the baby is actually born! I think YABU taking into account the needs of other people rather than your husband.

This

ShandaLear · 12/12/2022 17:41

Can you call her something similar? These are also pretty classic and classy names.

Emily
Amelia
Lia
Millie
Elise
Mia
Emma

Or can you agree to call her Emilia but she goes by a nickname?

Em
Emi
Lia
Mila
Lia
Lila
Mia

Agree that Teegan

SeemsSoUnfair · 12/12/2022 17:42

What is more important long term. A name you both want or some embroidery from a premature crafter.

Adelais · 12/12/2022 17:44

I can think of a few people I know who were sharing their unborn child’s name during pregnancy which I find odd and in every case they changed their mind by the time the baby was born! One of them had even had a personalised blanket in the original name so god knows what they did with that.

Its more important you pick a name you both like.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 12/12/2022 17:44

Hugasauras · 12/12/2022 15:44

Annoying but you can't prioritise not being rude to others over your husband's dislike of a name. Maybe it could be a middle name so stuff can still be used. Is it all personalised anyway? I had a lot of handmade things for DD1 but none were personalised!

I get that the late change is annoying but completely understand your DH wanting to change. I think you should base it on your feelings, not the crafters.
Once you have the baby and use its name - it will become uniquely theirs, no matter how many others share the name.

Bronnau · 12/12/2022 17:46

Whilst I do think you'll have to pick another name, this would piss me right off. Esp as you're 38 weeks, and have enough to be stressing about without thinking about all this.

Please don't call her Tegan. It's the Welsh word for toy and always makes me wince, as if people are pretending their child is a doll or something.

I love Emilia. Alexandra has similar vibes imo...

panko · 12/12/2022 17:47

BIWI · 12/12/2022 15:38

This is why you should never share a name until the baby is actually born! I think YABU taking into account the needs of other people rather than your husband.

This

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 12/12/2022 17:49

You realise it's not just your baby and as such not just your decision? If you'd changed your mind, you'd want to change the name. Stop being selfish and realise he gets a say too.

Boobingtons · 12/12/2022 17:49

I don’t think your husband should give his child a name he doesn’t like just on the off-chance it inconveniences a knitter.

Ponderingwindow · 12/12/2022 17:53

The name isn’t set until you see the baby and know the name fits. As soon as our daughter was born we knew our first choice name was completely wrong. DH and I both also knew her name from our short-list. It was really obvious.

im a crafter, but I would never embroider the name in advance.

my parents had made it pretty clear they had a boys name and a girls name all picked out. When a girl was born right before Christmas, everyone apparently went immediately to the store and ordered engraved ornaments. This was many, many years ago before ultrasound sex predictions and instant, on-demand products. When my parents announced her actual name a few hours later (difficult csection recovery) the damage was done. My sister has a collection of ornaments with the wrong name. We find it really funny.

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 17:55

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 12/12/2022 17:49

You realise it's not just your baby and as such not just your decision? If you'd changed your mind, you'd want to change the name. Stop being selfish and realise he gets a say too.

Omg what!? It’s not just my baby, fuck why didn’t NCT cover that bombshell

Doris86 · 12/12/2022 17:57

I know people that have had their heart set on a name for years. Then the baby is born, and they decide the name doesn’t suit him/her, and go for something completely different.

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 17:59

Bronnau · 12/12/2022 17:46

Whilst I do think you'll have to pick another name, this would piss me right off. Esp as you're 38 weeks, and have enough to be stressing about without thinking about all this.

Please don't call her Tegan. It's the Welsh word for toy and always makes me wince, as if people are pretending their child is a doll or something.

I love Emilia. Alexandra has similar vibes imo...

Oh don’t worry, I’ve made it clear DH would need to kill me before our baby is called Tegan (or Teegan as he wants an addition e for some reason too), he isn’t even Welsh, simply overheard it last week at a Christmas market and liked it apparently…

He will be home soon so will have to pretend I’ve had an epiphany and want to consider names, instead of letting on I’ve had my arse handed to be on MN Grin

WhateverHappenedToMe · 12/12/2022 17:59

At every scan, a friend of mine was told she "was having a girl or a boy with his legs well crossed" . Guess what? The butterflies and flowers sampler I had finished apart from the date really didn't suit her son!

You shouldn't have shared the name before the birth was registered.

HeadNorth · 12/12/2022 18:00

OP, I think you made a tactical mistake mentioning the crafting. Most posters seem fixated on it and determined it should not be used in considering the final name choice.

I think if you had just said you are 38 weeks pregnant and still love your joint name choice you may have had a more sympathetic hearing.

For it is worth, I am team Emilia. You both loved the name for years, your DH sounds like he is flaking a bit. Tell him he can choose the middle name.

Fizbosshoes · 12/12/2022 18:01

Cherrysoup · 12/12/2022 15:45

Yabu to mention crafters and to have told everyone the name. You can’t use that as leverage.

YANBU given you decided on the name years ago. So what if people at work have the name? Your dd isn’t them.

We had decided on names for both our DC before they were born.....and then decided the name didn't suit them when they were born. Changed our original choices for both, although DDs "original" name is her middle name

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 18:01

HeadNorth · 12/12/2022 18:00

OP, I think you made a tactical mistake mentioning the crafting. Most posters seem fixated on it and determined it should not be used in considering the final name choice.

I think if you had just said you are 38 weeks pregnant and still love your joint name choice you may have had a more sympathetic hearing.

For it is worth, I am team Emilia. You both loved the name for years, your DH sounds like he is flaking a bit. Tell him he can choose the middle name.

He is definitely flaking based on the sheer number and variety of names suggested over the course of today

might have to ride this out and hope he sorts his life out and remembers how lovely Emilia is in the next week!

WellIsntThatAshame · 12/12/2022 18:05

Not too late to change the name, the baby isn't born yet. Think you may need to compromise.
I was set on a name for years, till I heard it being screamed 5273 times in the supermarket one day! Put me right off it.

Moveoverdarlin · 12/12/2022 18:08

How can it be too late? The baby isn’t even born yet and might not be for another few weeks. I would put your husbands feelings above Auntie Doris who has embroidered a blanket. 5 people starting my work with the same name would also put me off.

1001Daffodils · 12/12/2022 18:08

My parents were 100% set on my name if I turned out to be a girl...my mother took one look at me when I was born and sobbed because I didn't look like "Angelica" not the name then took a week to figure out what to call me.

Nothing is set in stone until the baby arrives, anyone making bespoke gifts before the baby is born is very naive in not realising this.

If your husband doesn't want to use the name you're being really unfair not to budge because of other people.

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 18:09

Moveoverdarlin · 12/12/2022 18:08

How can it be too late? The baby isn’t even born yet and might not be for another few weeks. I would put your husbands feelings above Auntie Doris who has embroidered a blanket. 5 people starting my work with the same name would also put me off.

Well she is being sliced out this time next week so imo it’s too late but know I’m being unreasonable on that side!

I would also put DHs feeling above aunty Doris, but not me!