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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants to change unborn babies name - AIBU

277 replies

CanadianInBritain · 12/12/2022 15:36

38 weeks pregnant so am very possibly being unreasonable here but here goes nothing.

Pregnant with first baby, DH and I have been set on our names for years, a couple of months ago he made a slight musing about not being as confident with our name choice, I brushed it off as he was having other baby related worries at the time and his reasoning was a bit weak (5 people started at his work with the name and he was hearing it a lot, and decided he didn’t like it anymore)

Wasnt mentioned again until this morning, when he has pretty much said he is now 100% not happy with the name picked out and wants to go back to the drawing board.

Issue is, we have been quite open with the name since finding out the sex of our child, I come from a family of crafters who have been keen to know the name for a while so they can get embroidering, so now we have family and friends who have spent time making things for her with a name she might no longer have!!

I have said it’s a bit too late to change course now, if he had an issue he should have more strongly voiced it a few months ago or 5 years ago when we set our hearts on this name.

He has accused me of not taking his opinion into account, and tbh I can’t blame him as that’s exactly what’s happening here (not that I’d admit that outside of MN)

So wise people of MN who is unreasonable here.

YABU - although annoying he does have to be happy with the name too

YANBU - it’s too late to change now, he will need to suck it up

OP posts:
SallyWD · 12/12/2022 15:50

We always kept the name secret until the birth. Sorry but your husband's opinion is more important than the crafters. Just apologise and blame him! I do think you both need to like the name. FIVE new starters at his work all have the same name?! I'd love to know what it is! I can't think of any names that common.

racingcar · 12/12/2022 15:51

Sorry but YABU. You really think a human being should have a specific name for their entire life because someone took time to embroider it?

DH and I had a name picked for a girl when we were TTC, my DM got a dog and wanted to use the name, I asked her not to (she already knew it was the name we'd have given DS if he'd been a girl) so she didn't. Then we got pregnant with DD and the name didn't suit her so we changed it, she threw the biggest tantrum about us not using that name because she'd wanted it for the dog. She got over it, so will your crafty family.

FuckabethFuckor · 12/12/2022 15:51

He's eleventh-houring a little but I'm afraid I think YABU ultimately.

Choosing a baby's name is a bit like consent before sex; you're either both 100% in or it doesn't happen.

Your family's knitting and crochet arrangements are a matter for them.

sorcerersapprentice · 12/12/2022 15:52

People who craft are very good at uncrafting too when they make a mistake, if it's embroidery, or paperwork, or whatever, it's very easy to unpick and redo.
But seriously, that should be the last of your worries!
Both you and your husband now need to decide on a name you both like

GretaGip · 12/12/2022 15:54

Stocking filler suggestion for your fan.

DH wants to change unborn babies name - AIBU
GretaGip · 12/12/2022 15:54

faM

TodayIsFridayHooray · 12/12/2022 15:55

I'd change the name. But all is not lost! Keep the gifts with the original name on and they will make good memories! Baby could even be called original name as a nickname, pet name, 'youre in trouble' name or whatever!

Anothernamechange3 · 12/12/2022 15:55

You do have to tell us the proposed name now, right?

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 12/12/2022 15:55

There are thousands of names to choose from and whatever his reasons it's a name he no longer wants this name for his (and your ) child. Keep it as a middle name and crafters can add the first name to their item . Find a name you both like .

Ackity · 12/12/2022 15:56

My friend named her baby before birth, Facebook albums entitled baby’s name and scan photos etc. then when born, completely changed their minds.

I have never understood naming a baby before birth.

Dixiechickonhols · 12/12/2022 15:57

Of course you can change it. If he doesn’t like it anymore then that’s as good a reason as any. Not realising how common it it. You may change your mind when baby here and it doesn’t feel right.
Back to the lists.
I’d seriously not give craft another thought.

nokidshere · 12/12/2022 15:57

I'm with everyone else. The baby's name isn't their name until,they are actually here. Our baby was called James as soon as we knew it was a boy, but, immediately after the birth he just wasn't and perfectly suits the name we gave him (not James) Never mind the crafters, it's nothing to do with them. You and DH maybe agree on a couple and see what you think after baby is born.

margegunderson · 12/12/2022 15:57

Having the name so set in advance is nuts - you have to see and meet this little person. None of ours were properly named until six weeks after. So with your DH here. Just don't firmly choose another one till you've spent some time with the baby.

donttalkaboutbookclub · 12/12/2022 16:00

Well at least no one's had a tattoo...

user159 · 12/12/2022 16:01

I think YABU I'm afraid. So many people, including me and DH, had a name then changed our minds when they were born. We told family a short list but never any more - then went for something that wasn't even on that list as it just didn't feel right when we saw her.

I'm sure family will understand!

Mamamia32 · 12/12/2022 16:01

I think it's important that you both like the name and it's definitely not too late to change before the birth. Sorry.

loislovesstewie · 12/12/2022 16:05

A) you need to agree on any name
B) I worked with someone who called her daughter Rebekah. It was the year every girl seemed to be called Rebecca/Rebekah. She said that she would have changed it if she had known.
If it's a really common name that has clearly made him think again and he has visions of every other child in the class having that name.
Just to be clear, I like Rebekah.

MissDollyMix · 12/12/2022 16:08

Even if you were both dead set on a name, I think it's prudent to hold off officially announcing a name until you've met the baby to see if it suits them. When I was pregnant with my first my husband was super keen on the name Joshua. As soon as our son was born he just took one look and said "he's not a Joshua" and that was that. The name was never spoken of again.

WhenDovesFly · 12/12/2022 16:09

I think it's sad that so much is shared before a birth nowadays. There used to be a level of excitement to find out what sex a baby was after birth, then the name was another surprise.

Now all the excitement is over beforehand and all you get to tell people is "baby's born".

I too think YABU OP. You both have to be completely happy with the name, and baby might not even suit the name you have picked out.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/12/2022 16:10

You could give her the original name as a middle name? So it’s not weird it being on her blankets and stuff.

fifteenohfour · 12/12/2022 16:12

Frustrating, annoying, inconvenient, all appropriate responses but realistically you both need to be on board with the name, the crafty things are a non issue, they can be altered or redone. Your husband being happy with his first child's name is important. And the fact there are three others at his work with the same name would be a massive game changer for me anyway. Another Oliver or Olivia yawwwwnn...

WimpoleHat · 12/12/2022 16:12

I have said it’s a bit too late to change course now

If the baby was 4 months old, maybe. But she hasn’t even been born yet! Now is exactly the time to be thinking about it and possibly having second thoughts.

Snugglemonkey · 12/12/2022 16:14

I don't think it is unreasonable. Both of our children were named and the names shared while I was pregnant. I would not have been happy changing as to me, that was them named. That is who they were in my head. It is a very difficult situation.

Stravaig · 12/12/2022 16:15

Embroidering can be unstitched! A name on a hand carved cradle could be more problematic.

Honestly though, any craftspeople who have put tens of hours into lovingly creating something will have the wisdom and gumption to double-check the name before personalising anyway.

Be honest, you just want the original name, and are trying to manipulate your husband into going along with you.

SoupDragon · 12/12/2022 16:18

Which would you prefer. Your "crafty family" having to unpick embroidery or your DH hating the name of his child?