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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants to change unborn babies name - AIBU

277 replies

CanadianInBritain · 12/12/2022 15:36

38 weeks pregnant so am very possibly being unreasonable here but here goes nothing.

Pregnant with first baby, DH and I have been set on our names for years, a couple of months ago he made a slight musing about not being as confident with our name choice, I brushed it off as he was having other baby related worries at the time and his reasoning was a bit weak (5 people started at his work with the name and he was hearing it a lot, and decided he didn’t like it anymore)

Wasnt mentioned again until this morning, when he has pretty much said he is now 100% not happy with the name picked out and wants to go back to the drawing board.

Issue is, we have been quite open with the name since finding out the sex of our child, I come from a family of crafters who have been keen to know the name for a while so they can get embroidering, so now we have family and friends who have spent time making things for her with a name she might no longer have!!

I have said it’s a bit too late to change course now, if he had an issue he should have more strongly voiced it a few months ago or 5 years ago when we set our hearts on this name.

He has accused me of not taking his opinion into account, and tbh I can’t blame him as that’s exactly what’s happening here (not that I’d admit that outside of MN)

So wise people of MN who is unreasonable here.

YABU - although annoying he does have to be happy with the name too

YANBU - it’s too late to change now, he will need to suck it up

OP posts:
CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 17:00

IglesiasPiggl · 12/12/2022 16:58

OP I think your name change might be confusing some people!

Show quote history

Starting a new account to post one question and telling people the name before being born - 2 things I’ll never do again Grin

girlmom21 · 12/12/2022 17:00

Of course YABU. Embroidery can be unstitched. He doesn't like the name. You don't get to overrule him.

GrinAndVomit · 12/12/2022 17:01

Do you still love the name?

PinkParfait · 12/12/2022 17:01

You've both been set on a name you love for 5 years. He'll be working with these people for less than a year.

I genuinely can't understand how anyone can think you're the unreasonable one here.

Heavyraindropsarefallingonmyhead · 12/12/2022 17:02

As a crafter I think not changing a name one parent doesn't like because someone might have embroidered it is barmy

RedRobyn2021 · 12/12/2022 17:03

Sorry OP but I think you're being unreasonable too

It's not his fault family have jumped the gun and started making bits

Baby isn't even here yet, it definitely isn't too late to change his mind

It so special that parents get to pick their child's name, it would be sad to take that away because of outside forces. You and your family are what matters.

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 12/12/2022 17:06

When Terence Trent Darby sang ‘Embroider your name across my heart, I want you to be my baby’ maybe it was inspired by a similar situation in his life.

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 12/12/2022 17:07

Crafters are resilient anyway. They'll just take a deep breath and mutter 'I'd better start unstitching in that case'.

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 17:08

GrinAndVomit · 12/12/2022 17:01

Do you still love the name?

Of course I do

In fact it’s the only name I can even imagine using, every single suggestion is a no because I’ve been set on the name for 5 years. As was DH until a couple of months ago. I can’t even fathom a different name, because for as long as we have been trying that’s been the name we would use. It’s what I’ve been calling her when chatting to bump, what is on her nursery registration forms etc.

Plus his new suggested names are pretty shit! to the point I’d rather sneak off and register her alone under the cover of darkness than have her called Teegan or the umpteen other tacky names that have flown out of his mouth today.

Am having to resist the urge to say ‘when you get a baby sliced out of you, you can name them’ every 10 mins Brew

and breathe…this has gotten far more under my skin than first thought!

quietnightmare · 12/12/2022 17:09

Compromise and change the name to Amelia instead of the original spelling and easy for the 'crafters' to amend, you get the name you agreed on and it differs slightly to those in your husbands work. Problem solved

Pondere · 12/12/2022 17:10

DH and I had decided a name years before I got pregnant and always agreed that was the name.

When I was pregnant, I didn’t want the name anymore. DH was disappointed but he accepted it needs to be a joint agreement.

YABU.

25anxi · 12/12/2022 17:10

YABU change it, please. i was him in this scenario and the name we had picked out honestly made my heart sink everytime i thought of it. just change it, if he’s mentioned it it means it’s eating away at him.

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 17:11

PinkParfait · 12/12/2022 17:01

You've both been set on a name you love for 5 years. He'll be working with these people for less than a year.

I genuinely can't understand how anyone can think you're the unreasonable one here.

Fully willing to accept the vote but thank you!

This is my perspective too - even if it’s an unreasonable one

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 12/12/2022 17:11

She can be nameless for a couple of weeks whilst you settle on a new name. Don't feel you have to settle on something quickly once she's arrived.

SixCharactersinSearchofanAuthor · 12/12/2022 17:12

donttalkaboutbookclub · 12/12/2022 16:00

Well at least no one's had a tattoo...

Grin
PollyPeePants · 12/12/2022 17:12

YABU
Hit the baby name books and get your thinking caps on! You both need to agree.
Forget about the crafters, irrelevant.

Hankunamatata · 12/12/2022 17:15

We changed names when one of our dc was born. I took one look at them, cried and said I didn't like the name and could we use the name dh had liked but had gone off. Poor dh went with it as birth wasn't great. Luckily the name suits him perfectly

ThinkingOfAWittyUsername · 12/12/2022 17:15

I keep thinking of this scene from Friends...

DH wants to change unborn babies name - AIBU
Cornelious · 12/12/2022 17:16

People are allowed to change their minds. Your dh sounds like he has good reasons not to like the name anymore. The fact there's 5 people in his office with this name means it's pretty common, which I wouldn't personally want.

Justthisonce12 · 12/12/2022 17:16

I’m an absolute loss to understand why men think they have any input into this anyway 🙄
When they can grow a baby, they can have an opinion

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 17:17

25anxi · 12/12/2022 17:10

YABU change it, please. i was him in this scenario and the name we had picked out honestly made my heart sink everytime i thought of it. just change it, if he’s mentioned it it means it’s eating away at him.

It is definitely eating away at him, which I know only adds to my unreasonability score

Seems to be tied into wider not feeling confident about what being a father will be like, feeling guilty about not bonding or feeling much towards baby yet (despite reassurance that it’s quite normal for partners as they’re not the ones feeling the changes etc.) and then the view of not being listened to about the name made him feel more sperm donor than father.

so I get it, but i still don’t want to change the name - gah being unreasonable sucks

JRHartley72 · 12/12/2022 17:17

You can't keep a name just because someone's made a macrame nameplate! The baby is your husband's too, you have to take his wishes into account.

RumiGibran · 12/12/2022 17:20

When would have been a good time for him to say he wasn't comfortable with the name? You say he mentioned it months ago - but you were both also pre-occupied with pregnancy issues. Seems like he respected that as other issues were more important at that time. The problem with keeping a name is that there is rarely a tangible reason to dislike or like a name. You either like it or you don't so can be a very tricky process. Best of luck for your delivery and new family! (YABU)

TheBirdintheCave · 12/12/2022 17:21

Calphurnia88 · 12/12/2022 16:54

I've never understood the comments of 'oh what if they don't look like a 'insert name here''. How can you look like a particular name? What does that even mean? 🤔You are the name you're given.

That's what I always thought, but having spent several weeks trying to call my own angry red potato a name that I had been set on for years, only to change it a few days before we registered him because it didn't feel right, I now understand.

Isn't that more to do with how you feel about the name itself though? Like, once the child arrives you realise you don't actually like it enough to use it on a human? That I could understand.

WonderingWanda · 12/12/2022 17:22

Text the crafters 'So sorry, we are having a bit of a wobble over baby names here so hang fire on any makes'. Tell dh you are open to discussion and see what comes out of it. Digging your heals in and insisting it's too late is only going to cause a rift and he will dig in also. Is this your first child? I'd be mindful of other sudden changes in your dh's attitude. It may be he has genuinely changed his mind for some reason or that he has just decided to put you in your place.