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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants to change unborn babies name - AIBU

277 replies

CanadianInBritain · 12/12/2022 15:36

38 weeks pregnant so am very possibly being unreasonable here but here goes nothing.

Pregnant with first baby, DH and I have been set on our names for years, a couple of months ago he made a slight musing about not being as confident with our name choice, I brushed it off as he was having other baby related worries at the time and his reasoning was a bit weak (5 people started at his work with the name and he was hearing it a lot, and decided he didn’t like it anymore)

Wasnt mentioned again until this morning, when he has pretty much said he is now 100% not happy with the name picked out and wants to go back to the drawing board.

Issue is, we have been quite open with the name since finding out the sex of our child, I come from a family of crafters who have been keen to know the name for a while so they can get embroidering, so now we have family and friends who have spent time making things for her with a name she might no longer have!!

I have said it’s a bit too late to change course now, if he had an issue he should have more strongly voiced it a few months ago or 5 years ago when we set our hearts on this name.

He has accused me of not taking his opinion into account, and tbh I can’t blame him as that’s exactly what’s happening here (not that I’d admit that outside of MN)

So wise people of MN who is unreasonable here.

YABU - although annoying he does have to be happy with the name too

YANBU - it’s too late to change now, he will need to suck it up

OP posts:
MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 12/12/2022 16:45

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 16:36

He is working with them for a year max, less than that as most won’t stay in his dept but yes I see your point.

Gah, now to try and get him away from his new favourite name of Teegan Envy

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He can say no to Emilia but you can veto Teegan too.

PinkParfait · 12/12/2022 16:46

Soontobe60 · 12/12/2022 16:40

Utter rubbish! Names should be agreed between parents. Most parents I know didn’t decide on names til baby was born

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The name has been agreed between the parents though! For several years, in fact. And now 2 weeks before the birth he wants to change it because a few people at work have the same name? His reasoning just sounds rather daft IMO.

BlackSwan · 12/12/2022 16:47

Stop the presses knitting machines!

garlictwist · 12/12/2022 16:48

Of course he's not "too late" - the baby isn't even here yet! He's entitled to change his mind. How would you feel if you had to name your kid something you no longer liked because some auntie had already started her tapestry?

InFiveMins · 12/12/2022 16:48

Give over OP 😂IF your post is genuine then of course YABU and cannot force him to still like the name just because of a few embroidered blankets!

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 12/12/2022 16:48

Another one who thinks you're a plonker for sharing the name prior to the birth.

The baby isn't born yet, you haven't given it to them yet. Time to go back to the drawing board.

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 16:49

Stravaig · 12/12/2022 16:42

If you read your own thread, multiple people have shared that their provisional choices were all wrong when they actually met their child.

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When they saw their child, people have said their child didn’t look like their chosen name

That’s a bit different to assessing their individual personality as a one day old infant.

I wonder what individuality you ascertained from your newborn?

Jaybird43 · 12/12/2022 16:51

The baby could be a boy… my friend was told at the scan she was expecting a girl and, lo and behold, she had a boy!

33goingon64 · 12/12/2022 16:51

Wait to meet the baby before you name him/her. And FGS don't share name ideas or choices with anyone else. Your crafting family can just wait. The baby won't care if they received the cushion or whatever on the day they were born or a month later. You're being too rigid.

Dixiechickonhols · 12/12/2022 16:51

If it’s Emilia he’s probably realising what a potential pain it it pronunciations wise with colleagues pronouncing differently.
Baby may also be a boy.

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 16:52

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 12/12/2022 16:45

He can say no to Emilia but you can veto Teegan too.

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I think I’ll be in for a long week (she is being sliced out next week so not got that long) of name related veto negotiations Xmas Sad

IglesiasPiggl · 12/12/2022 16:52

This is why you never share your name ideas before the baby is born. When DS1 was born we also had girls' names ready. By the time DD was born two years later we had gone off all of them, some because of their increase in popularity. You can't hold your DH to ransom because a few people have done a bit of embroidery or whatever it is.

rosemarysalter · 12/12/2022 16:53

I would feel uneasy about the name if i had that number of colleagues with it

Is it a very common name?

I think you should change it

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 16:53

Jaybird43 · 12/12/2022 16:51

The baby could be a boy… my friend was told at the scan she was expecting a girl and, lo and behold, she had a boy!

Unlikely due to the NIPT and 12 scans all confirming girl.

Unless there is some rare inverted penis and DNA issue that is.

Calphurnia88 · 12/12/2022 16:54

I've never understood the comments of 'oh what if they don't look like a 'insert name here''. How can you look like a particular name? What does that even mean? 🤔You are the name you're given.

That's what I always thought, but having spent several weeks trying to call my own angry red potato a name that I had been set on for years, only to change it a few days before we registered him because it didn't feel right, I now understand.

Stravaig · 12/12/2022 16:54

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 16:49

When they saw their child, people have said their child didn’t look like their chosen name

That’s a bit different to assessing their individual personality as a one day old infant.

I wonder what individuality you ascertained from your newborn?

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You don't assess what their individuality is, you treat them with respect and curiosity as a unique individual being from the very beginning. Not a blank slate to force 'Emilia' or anything else onto no matter what. As I'm sure you're about to spend 18 eventful years learning all too well 🤣

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 12/12/2022 16:55

Stravaig · 12/12/2022 16:54

You don't assess what their individuality is, you treat them with respect and curiosity as a unique individual being from the very beginning. Not a blank slate to force 'Emilia' or anything else onto no matter what. As I'm sure you're about to spend 18 eventful years learning all too well 🤣

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r u high?

lunar1 · 12/12/2022 16:56

Crafters don't get to vote on your babies name.

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 16:56

Calphurnia88 · 12/12/2022 16:54

I've never understood the comments of 'oh what if they don't look like a 'insert name here''. How can you look like a particular name? What does that even mean? 🤔You are the name you're given.

That's what I always thought, but having spent several weeks trying to call my own angry red potato a name that I had been set on for years, only to change it a few days before we registered him because it didn't feel right, I now understand.

Did you go for Albert Bartlett?

….I’ll show myself out for that terrible potato pun

piedbeauty · 12/12/2022 16:56

Of course it's not too late to change the name! The baby isn't even here yet!

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 16:56

lunar1 · 12/12/2022 16:56

Crafters don't get to vote on your babies name.

But surely I do right?

luckylavender · 12/12/2022 16:58

This is between you & DH. No one else has an opinion which is valid.

IglesiasPiggl · 12/12/2022 16:58

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 16:56

But surely I do right?

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OP I think your name change might be confusing some people!

CanadianBrit1 · 12/12/2022 16:59

rosemarysalter · 12/12/2022 16:53

I would feel uneasy about the name if i had that number of colleagues with it

Is it a very common name?

I think you should change it

It’s Emilia

They had an intake of 120+ grads so % wise it’s not that high, but by a strike of bad luck all of them were put in his dept as their first rotation. They’ll be gone in 3 months onto another dept but the damage has been done!!

PercyPigInAWig · 12/12/2022 16:59

Usernamen · 12/12/2022 15:48

if FIVE colleagues have this name, then that’s one hell of a common name! In my department of over 100 people, there are never more than two people with the same name.

Yes, sounds like such a common name the crafter will be able to sell or gift their wares.
YABVU. We didn't confirm names until we met DC, names you love can go right out the window.