To feel angry and disappointed in my teen in equal measure

[harrassedmumto3]

Today was the last day for a Christmas present appeal (for homeless children) at her school. I bought the present and left it in her room for her to take this morning. Same with the small gift for her class Secret Santa.
She forgot both because she was 'in a rush'.
It really is indicative of how she thinks of herself and is generally selfish and inconsiderate of others.
Is it just me?
I can imagine a defensive reaction later, and no responsibility taken.
Sorry folks, I've written this in the moment where I found the gifts in her room, and am still feeling fucking annoyed.
AIBU?

Seems like a bit of an overreaction to me. I'm guessing this is more about the bigger picture than just these gifts though?

Seems like a bit of an overreaction to me. I'm guessing this is more about the bigger picture than just these gifts though?

She's a teenager. They're like this. It passes.

Make yourself a cup of tea, breathe deep and move on.

Generally selfish and inconsiderate of others? She's a teenager, so that sounds about right.

Teenage brains are different from adult brains. Find me a teenager who is selfless and considerate - probably 1 in 1000. Your expectations are very high.

It's frustrating but she's not doing it on purpose (even the self-involvement). Especially if you bought these things on her behalf - did she even care about them? You are expecting her to do something that YOU want her to do, but does she actually see any value in it herself?

You can talk to her about it and tell her that you were upset that she forgot, but really I think you just have to accept that she is the age she is and will probably change when she's older.

You sound a bit over-invested. Did you buy this stuff as well? Just leave her be. She can buy it and then is more likely to take it in. Or she doesn't. Either way, it's not a big deal.

I get it, this would annoy me too. But some teenagers can be quite scatty at the best of times.

Erm, she’s a teenager, they’re like that.

It really is indicative of how she thinks of herself and is generally selfish and inconsiderate of others.

Is it just me?
I can imagine a defensive reaction later, and no responsibility taken.

It’s annoying, but that’s all. I don’t think you should extrapolate to ‘everything that is always wrong about YOU’ because that will definitely not make anything better. If you can imagine ‘a defensive reaction and no responsibility taken’ then you are approaching the (as yet to happen) conversation the wrong way. How can you reframe it so you get a better result?

Even as an adult who would have bought these gifts myself to take into work, I'd still likely end up running late and forgetting them on the day.

I think I'd say forgetful and unorganised rather than selfish. If there's more to it and she's like this often, maybe a reminder or tick list for mornings? It's the only thing that gets me organised

Btw, the ‘last day for an appeal’ at school is almost never the last day, precisely because of this issue. If she takes it on Monday it’ll be OK.

If it is the case that she does not care, as some posters seem to be asking, then that is another thing altogether, as far as I am concerned. That would disappoint me very much, if that was the case.

The only thing that would work is, once in a while, to treat her as she treats others.
So don't even mention these two things to her, but don't bother / forget to do something for her.
That will be part of her normal human development, in that she understands that just as she thinks of herself only / first, other people won't think of her only / first.

I agree it seems an overreaction.
I don't think my mum even knew about the secret Santa me and my friends organised when we were 14/15 and I never got any money. I totally forgot about the secret Santa until my best kate reminded me on the day and we rushed through both her bedroom and my bedroom looking for stuff to use as a gift. It was awful and I should have said I had forgotten and to re-arrange the date but I didn't and gave the girl some shitty dusty items :o
Teenagers just don't think!

I also sympathise as someone going through menopause and with long covid. My memory basically doesn't exist any more. Forgetfulness is something that happens to us at different stages in life, not just the teen years.

Let it go, you can donate both elsewhere.

We tell them academics are everything and then get upset when they forget the peripheral stuff. It’s not selfishness imho, I think teens are generally still learning to multi-task and organise themselves. These are skills that take years to develop.

Honestly if you're like me and the kind of person who just forgets stuff constantly because that's just how your brain works, it absolutely sucks when people act as if you've done it on purpose. She just forgot. She's not doing it on purpose. Be kind.

I was like this as a teenager, worse. I deeply regret it now and I’m horrified at how much I didn’t appreciate. She’ll grow out of it!

Thanks everyone. I do understand your points, really I do, but I find it hard to accept this incredibly low bar that she sets for herself in her treatment of others.
Funnily enough, she didn't forget her packed lunch from the fridge, cos you know, eating actually benefits her!

'Be kind' is the worst thing to say to me at this moment. I am kind. And don't forget stuff like this.

Homeless children? In the UK?

You’re being a bit harsh here. People forget stuff.

Sorry, presumably you mean children in hostels etc. I automatically assumed homeless as on the streets.

There are thousands of homeless children in the UK.

I get why you're annoyed, and I would be too.

And I have a teenager before assumes I don't.