To feel angry and disappointed in my teen in equal measure

[harrassedmumto3]

Today was the last day for a Christmas present appeal (for homeless children) at her school. I bought the present and left it in her room for her to take this morning. Same with the small gift for her class Secret Santa.
She forgot both because she was 'in a rush'.
It really is indicative of how she thinks of herself and is generally selfish and inconsiderate of others.
Is it just me?
I can imagine a defensive reaction later, and no responsibility taken.
Sorry folks, I've written this in the moment where I found the gifts in her room, and am still feeling fucking annoyed.
AIBU?

Ok wow this is way too old for you to be getting involved in any of this. It's not good for her. Look up learned helplessness and extrinsic/intrinsic motivation.

God..are parents not allowed to vent any more. Its not like we are saying this stuff to them.

If you read the OP you will see that actually OP is fully intent on saying this stuff to her DD. She has anticipated her DD reaction.

I thought this was going to be something really terrible. We can all be forgetful at times.

Not a big deal. If that's all you have to be upset about then count yourself lucky.

If you're that worried, drop it into school yourself?

Yes it is also true that it is highly unlikely to be one person, but even if it was, the person who forgot would be the person who didn't get one, not someone else.

YABU to feel angry and disappointed.

Irritated, yes.

I would say pick your battles, but maybe that's just me.

This!

I read the title and thought they'd done something terrible. Probably involving a phone and sending really bad content; or got detention at school for bad behaviour.

Nope

I think you're majorly over-reacting.

If I want something to leave the house I put it by the front door.

Op mentions the gift was brought for a specific person so there’s a chain. Op’s daughter will get the present bought for them but the person she was supposed or buy for will miss out.

Pop the secret Santa in her school bag to bring Monday and find somewhere to donate the present over the weekend.
Maybe even encourage her to find somewhere local to donate it.
I forgot things all the time and it's never on purpose, not does it relate to how much I care about the thing.
I'm often not organised enough to buy a toy (or a tin of food or whatever it is) in time for the school appeal and yet still manage to do this. This year I found somewhere with an Amazon wish list so I could buy and donate the gift as soon as I thought about it which made it so much easier for me to remember.

Jesus, she's 16, she forgot. I thought you were going to say she's been shooting up smack.

Hmm but remembering her lunch is something she has to do every school day? So that is a routine thing she does, same as getting dressed?

teenage brains are coping with a lot… and all with hormones on top.

do you have a “launch pad” area by your front door? We have a bench - and items that need to go out the door with us the next day, go on there.

I struggle with this myself age 43 Link on “object permanence” so I have had to develop strategies to try and make sure I leave the house with all the items I need (packing bags the night before also helps me and my daughter).

I would have put them in her school bag, or even in fridge on top of her lunch box (if able) so there's no forgetting.

Yes, would've been lovely if she remembered but really in the grand scheme of things I would just roll my eyes. Hopefully she will realise when she doesn't receive a present for secret santa as she didn't take one in , or she ll learn from feeling embarrassed that she forgot and ditto learn from not getting a warm fuzzy feeling of donating when all her friends are handing over their donations.

Yes YABU. Chill out!!!!

She forgot something. She’s human. Chill.

I gave up getting annoyed with mine once I understood that their brains are not fully formed until early 20’s. They are still developing and at teen age only wired for basic self survival and needs. Empathy doesn’t kick in properly till later. Once I gave up my life was so much more peaceful. I still counsel them of course but don’t expect them to absorb everything or expect them to have the same level of understanding that I do.

Find it hard to remember things outside my usual routine.
I have to put stuff right in my way by the door and I need to remember to take secret Santa in and I repeat to myself about taking other extras this week.
My dd is the same ( one), it never occurred to me it could be because she's shellfishes?

I mean, it's not really possible for anyone's children to go through their whole lives without upsetting their parents at least a few times. I'm sure everyone's mums have felt angry and disappointed on at least a rare occasion - if this is one of those rare occasions with your DD then that's just how it is. No matter how hard you try in life you'll always upset people at some point

I have two teens. My DD would be devastated if she forgot it and probably come home for it. My DS would be like your daughter and quite blasé about it. I get annoyed at him too. It’s the fact that you’ve gone to the effort to organise it and they can’t be bothered to remember it.