To cancel plans because of the football?

[XmasConfusion]

Dinner with two school mums next Saturday. Been planned for ages. Don't know them very well..

Me and my family are England fans and been watching and following pretty seriously.

AIBU to not go on Saturday as its England v France?

I think very much YANBU. It's a big event (yes I'm uncomfortable with the whole idea of it being where it is, but the players have to play there if that's where it's being held) and a lot of the country is invested in the importance of it. I'm a football fan, but not really that interested as much as I would have been when I was younger, but totally get that this is huge for a lot of people. If it was me who had a dinner invite on Saturday night, I would be totally honest and say that I didn't want to miss the game, I'm really sorry, and could we please reschedule. And as the dinner host, I would want my guests to do exactly this, not sit there everyone gritting their teeth knowing they wanted to be somewhere else. I'm sure these new friends will appreciate the honesty, I would.

If someone doesn't want to meet me or has a better offer, I'd rather they were honest and cancel.

Why would you want to waste your free time with someone who didn't want to be there?

It’s fine. There’s no way I’d be going out next Saturday! If you’re an England fan you have to watch the match.

I think if anything I’d ask to rearrange rather than cancel. So could you make it a lunch or on the Friday, for example. That way they don’t feel so rejected for the football.

Ive said on another thread, I do like football fine. Better than any other sport. But equally I don’t see why it’s put on such a pedestal in a way that nothing else is, and it’s seen as fine to just cancel plans, ignore children and assuming your partner/ spouse will do it all etc

Also not sure why big fans don’t work out when the matches will be in advance - including the various possibilities for group stages, and not plan anything in advance? Was fairly predictable or at least possible England would get as far as quarters this time, even if they go no further, even just going by their performance in the Euros.

I'd cancel or try and rearrange. Folks on here who say YABU are not football fans so don't get it. It has to be watched live and just knowing the score afterwards is not the same. You want to watch for the anxiety, nerves, jubilation, a knock out match is a one off.

Yes you could record it and watch later but this depends are where your going, if a city centre and your still out after final whistle. You'll know the score before you get home! If England win they'll be fans celebrating.

If your friends are not football fans, they won't get it and be upset but be honest and tell them why.

Cmon England

On the other hand, with school mums in December they may well be wanting to cancel too, what with all the illness going around, loads of blooming commitments etc.

YABVU and it would be extremely rude to cancel because you want to watch a group of grown men kick around a football. It’s pathetic.

If you did this to me I would certainly never make plans with you again and would question your judgement and priorities.

Which is a valid view, and OP asked for views.

It's only dinner. It can be rearranged for any other time or the others can go without OP.

Shane your friends passions have so little value to you

*shame

I'm glad my friends aren't so belittling about my hobbies, passions and interests.

I'm not interested in football either but I would totally understand if someone wanted to watch the game and I certainly wouldn't take it as some kind of insult

How old is he? If he’s quite young, are you really having a party at 7pm?

if he’s much older, chances are he’s going to want to watch the football anyway!

if it’s a sleepover party, couldn’t you suggest they watch the game together if that’s what his friends want to do?

@XmasConfusion just a thought, if your friends still want to go ahead, would they be happy for you to join them for drinks after the game instead of the meal? Or compromise and watch the first half, then go and meet them for the meal?

Or ask them if they’d like to do early doors dinner, then watch the game together?

I would be annoyed but then I hate football!

If it were the semi-finals or final I'd get it, but England reaching the quarters is basically a non-event. So much so that in the noughties we were derided for being 'a nation of quarter-finalists'.

Tricky! Totally get why you want to watch the match and (even as a football hater) why it wouldn’t be the same to watch it later.

That said it sounds like this night out means a lot/is a rare treat for (at least one) of the other attendees.

I would message saying that you really want to watch the football. Do they fancy incorporating it into the night (eg going to somewhere that will be showing it) or meeting for lunch etc instead - you never know they might be having similar thoughts themselves! But I’d also say that you completely understand if they want to go out without you.

You could maybe suggest a rearrangement/list of alternate dates but stress that you are not expecting them to cancel the whole thing on your behalf (It’s a Saturday in December, chances are that getting this organised was a massive pain already and I would think it a little self involved if you decided the football was priority but you also wanted me to shuffle round the rest of my diary for your convenience). They may be perfectly happy to go out as a two and I don’t think you can be upset if they end up going ahead without you.

If they’re new friends there’s also the chance that cancelling might mean the friendship struggles to get off the ground as it’s clearly polarised views on here so there’s a chance they will feel hurt/that you’re flakey etc. and not be too fussed about extending an invite again. Unfortunately that’s just one of those risks you take. I’m not a football fan but I’m into another sport and if there’s been a clash between a prearranged social event and an international match I’ve always picked my friends but I due to shift work I’m used to missing out/following a game via bbc sports. If you were an acquaintance of mine then I might not go out of my way too much about rearranging/trying to become closer friends because I’d take this as us having different approaches to plans etc that might not be compatible (this isn’t meant to sound judgy, as I said - I completely understand why you want to watch! It’s just how I feel
hypothetically).

I’d definitely text them asap though - gives time to adjust plans if necessary (eg move the booking to lunchtime/find a new venue etc) and minimises the aura of flakiness. Whatever you do don’t spring this on them next Saturday (or pull a sickie).

YANBU. You don't want to miss England going out of the World Cup :)

Nothing wrong with being passionate about something. Just because YOU don't understand it does not make it pathetic. Are you saying that all people who enjoy football, especially a major tournament are pathetic? That's what it sounds like to me.

I wouldn't bother engaging if I were you.

I didn't go to a 30th birthday party in 2013 because I wanted to watch Andy Murray in the Wimbledon final so yeah YANBU in my book!

This made me laugh a lot.

Every now & then doesn't mean "constantly" now does it?
More polite to cancel entirely right?

Yes but tennis is fine on MN because its what middle class women like. On here anybody who likes football is a Stella guzzling, wife beating hooligan!

You're right, no point.