To cancel plans because of the football?

[XmasConfusion]

Dinner with two school mums next Saturday. Been planned for ages. Don't know them very well..

Me and my family are England fans and been watching and following pretty seriously.

AIBU to not go on Saturday as its England v France?

@thelobsterquadrille but I don't understand why it is any different watching it on catchup 🤷‍♀️ I've done that with many live events before and it hasn't impacted my enjoyment.

As I said, I acknowledge that I clearly just don't get it. I just think that it's sensible to be aware that many people just don't get it and would therefore be offended, so OP should bear that in mind.

The person wanting to avoid the all day drinkers and the kind of people who shame this country seems a reason to suggest to those you are going out with to move it to another day.

I would take it exactly the same way as if someone said "I'm cancelling because I've decided to go out with some other friends instead", or "I've decided to go to the cinema instead", or whatever else. You're telling me that you're happy to cancel a firm arrangement just because you feel like doing something else

The key difference is that the football is a live event that can't be moved, unlike the cinema or meeting up with other friends.

I don't see the difference. If you cancel for football, cinema, a party whatever it is all saying that you've had a better offer and something or someone is more important to you than the original plan with the original people. Which is fine if that's how you feel but personally I think it's a really sad and rude attitude to take. I don't see any difference with it being live. It's still just an opportunity to a thing. A thing that is not the original plan.

Because it's about knowing you're "part of something" that millions of other people are also watching and enjoying.

It'll be next to impossible to avoid hearing the scores and watching a match when you already know how it ends just isn't the same. It ruins the anticipation and the fun of watching it you already know the outcome.

Not unreasonable at all, I would do the same.

I think it's being a bit obtuse to say you don't see the difference.

You may not personally care about football but billions of people worldwide clearly do, otherwise it wouldn't be such a popular sport.

I don't care about opera but I can see the difference in seeing one live on stage compared to watching it on the TV 🤷🏻‍♀️

I also don't think life needs to be so rigid that any plans you make ever must be stuck to no matter what. People are allowed to change their minds and as long as they give enough notice I really can't get worked up about it.

It's not like OP is cancelling on the day.

@thelobsterquadrille right, I understand that but I suppose my point is that I just don't see it as a big deal. As another poster just put, it's still someone saying that they are cancelling because they've just decided to do something else. I would find that rude 🤷‍♀️

I don't care about opera but I can see the difference in seeing one live on stage compared to watching it on the TV 🤷🏻‍♀️

This one's perfect for me because I am an opera fan! It's not the same at all - seeing an opera live on stage to me seems like the equivalent of seeing a football match live, in-person at the stadium.

Watching it live on tv = watching an opera streamed live.

I would understand if someone cancelled because they got suddenly got tickets to see a World Cup football match in-person. That seems like a big deal to me. Seeing it on tv doesn't.

As a guest i would not pull out.

As a host I would try and incorporate it into the evening if it was at home and I knew that others were fans.

But most of all I would not force anyone to attend dinner if they did not want to be there. I never try and persuade people to attend social events. I think people should only socialise if they really want to. I would hate having a guest eat with me when they would rather be somewhere else.

Like I said, each to their own.

I just can't imagine getting so upset about something like this. It's rescheduling a meal
out, not cancelling on someone on their wedding day.

I think it is unreasonable. Too much is cancelled or changed for the football. Im not a hater, want them to do well but don’t particularly follow.

Like others have said Sat night, childcare and in December are rare, to change unless in an emergency seems unfair.

Why don’t you float the idea with the other mums? Eg “hey the football is on Sat night, are you still wanting to go out or would you prefer to reschedule?” That would give them an out themselves and, hopefully, they’d ask you the same and could open a conversation/agree a compromise?

Again, the difference is that opera is on live, night after night for months or even years at same venue.

Football is a one off match with a very limited number of tickets available. 99.9% if football fans can't get live tickets so live on Tv is the only other option. They can't just go the next night instead 🤷🏻‍♀️

@thelobsterquadrille yep, like I said too 🤣

I'm not "so upset" about it, I am just being honest that I would find it rude. If a friend did this to me, I'd raise an eyebrow and be mildly irritated. If someone I barely knew or who I was just getting to know did this, I'd do the same but given that I don't know them well I would probably take it as a sign that they're not that bothered about the friendship, and I'd stop trying with them. Not because I'm terribly devastated by the cancellation, but it's embarrassing to put effort in with people when you feel they don't care much.

Also you tend to know the ending at the opera. You're not there wondering whether Tosca and Cavaradossi might walk off into the sunset together this time 😆

I'd be very unimpressed if a friend cancelled previous arrangements to stay home and watch TV but then I have zero interest in sport and don't care who wins/loses.

Except that we already know how many lives have already been negatively impacted by holding this event in Quatar. ☹️

Fair enough - I just can't imagine throwing away a friendship over something so minor as rescheduling dinner 🤷🏻‍♀️

I just can't imagine getting so upset about something like this
I wouldn't be upset by it. But I would be disappointed and find the OP somewhat flaky and rude. I'd be less likely to pursue them to rearrange as I'd assume another better offer might come up. With a shrug of the shoulders rather than an upset weep.

@thelobsterquadrille it's not throwing away a friendship... it's taking queues from someone who you're getting to know about what level of interest they have in being friends.

I didn't say I'd refuse to see them ever again. Just that I'd pull back with my effort. If they started putting effort in again then sure.

Cues not queues ffs 😭

Yes, I’d be fine with someone cancelling ‘for some random event in their hobby/interest.’

It happens from time to time, and all you have to do is accept that it’s important to them. It’s not a slight or an insult. It’s not a test of friendship. Something’s happening that has significance in their lives, and the grown-up response is, ‘Sure - how about Tuesday?’

I would be really quite pissed off if someone cancelled plans to watch a sports match. If it was a new friend, I don't think I would bother rescheduling.

I was more referring to other posters who said they'd end friendships over this.

If my friendship with someone was so fragile that a football match would ruin it, I'd probably secretly be thinking "good riddance" to be honest.

But they I've never understood holding people to plans they made well in advance, or assuming I'm so important that nothing better will ever come up.

I'd rather people who wanted to cancel, were able to do so without being made to feel guilty or like they're crap friends.

Yes, this is what I'd do too. No point actively pursuing the friendship but I'd happily rearrange if they indicated it did matter to them.

I would cancel yeah -they may (or may not) be relieved if they’re into it.

they may want to go ahead without you though.

I think it's really rude to junk a commitment, especially when it's just because you want to watch sport on TV.