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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel plans because of the football?

281 replies

XmasConfusion · 05/12/2022 07:16

Dinner with two school mums next Saturday. Been planned for ages. Don't know them very well..

Me and my family are England fans and been watching and following pretty seriously.

AIBU to not go on Saturday as its England v France?

OP posts:
gogohmm · 05/12/2022 09:09

@XmasConfusion

Just watch it as live when you get in (avoiding the score of course) done this many times.

thelobsterquadrille · 05/12/2022 09:09

If OP is so passionate that she can't miss it then she'd have checked out when England might be playing assuming they got through and avoided making plans then, as my die-hard footie fan friends tend to do (or at least make the plans with the caveat, if England are playing that night I won't make it out, so expectations are managed).

Nobody should have to "manage expectations" - it's not a business meeting!

It's not like OP is cancelling on her grandmas 90th birthday or refusing to attend her daughters graduation. It's a casual meal that can very easily be rescheduled. It really doesn't need to be a big drama

yoshiblue · 05/12/2022 09:10

Slightly different but my DH is no longer going on his works night out on Sat in a major city centre. Not a football fan but wants to avoid the all day drinkers. I would imagine quite a few plans will be changing next weekend, don't feel bad for suggesting a reschedule.

Soproudoflionesses · 05/12/2022 09:10

Better to cancel than go and not want to be there. Just be honest- it wouldn't bother me at all.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 05/12/2022 09:11

This date has been known for ages. I don’t understand why you agree to go out with these 2 ladies knowing there was a reasonable chance that England would be playing, especially if you’re such a fan.

if you’re going to pull out, be honest and do it today but I wouldn’t be impressed if I was one of the other two.

1983Louise · 05/12/2022 09:12

I think nearly the whole of England will be cancelling plans so don't worry. You can go for a meal any Saturday, if they get a bit grumpy that's not your problem. Fingers crossed for another win 😊x

NormalNans · 05/12/2022 09:13

I’d be pretty pissed off that someone cancelled because they wanted to watch something on the TV. No amount of ‘you just don’t get it because you’re not a football fan’ would make a difference because you’re right - I don’t. For me, it would be the equivalent of cancelling because you’ve really got into a new TV drama and want to watch the next episode (not even the season finale). Pretty disrespectful and inconsiderate

FettleOfKish · 05/12/2022 09:14

@thelobsterquadrille Are you actually Harry Kane?

One of the attendees hasn't had an opportunity to go out in 2 years, yet you're confident it can be 'easily rearranged'? And assuming it's planned for December in order to enjoy a bit of Christmas festivity, easily rearranged in the next 2 weeks?

The OP has firm and long-standing plans for Saturday. If she lets her friends down to watch England lose for the football she will be unreasonable.

It's no wonder MN runneth over with threads from people who find it difficult to make/keep friends if this kind of attitude is prevalent.

thelobsterquadrille · 05/12/2022 09:15

FettleOfKish · 05/12/2022 09:05

@thelobsterquadrille It's not the cancelling though is it, it's the reason for cancelling.

It's the OP saying 'I know you haven't been out for 2 years and I know it was a push to find a date in December that worked for everyone and I know you have babysitters sorted and have booked a blow dry, but I've had a better offer so I won't be coming'.

It's not remotely the same as cancelling for an unanticipated reason.

I still can't see the issue - it's just dinner.

The other two can still go and have a meal and a nice evening if they want to, or they can all rearrange and go another time.

But then MN does like to make a huge drama out of very normal, everyday occurrences so I'm not surprised OP is being called rude and selfish 🙈

Soproudoflionesses · 05/12/2022 09:15

WimpoleHat · 05/12/2022 07:56

Me and my family are England fans

Sorry - this jumped out to me. Are you a football fan? By that, I mean a year round one. You have a team you support, you regularly go to matches and everyone who’s friendly with you would know this? If you are, then they will know this and will understand why you want to cancel plans for which they’ve presumably gone to a lot of trouble (a Saturday before Christmas will require booking, they’ll have had to sort out childcare etc). If you are just one of those people who likes watching England on the TV, then I wouldn’t expect another invitation from them.

Sorry who made you tue football police? People can just follow their country ffs.

rainbowandglitter · 05/12/2022 09:16

I'd cancel too. Football is above everything in our house.

thelobsterquadrille · 05/12/2022 09:16

FettleOfKish · 05/12/2022 09:14

@thelobsterquadrille Are you actually Harry Kane?

One of the attendees hasn't had an opportunity to go out in 2 years, yet you're confident it can be 'easily rearranged'? And assuming it's planned for December in order to enjoy a bit of Christmas festivity, easily rearranged in the next 2 weeks?

The OP has firm and long-standing plans for Saturday. If she lets her friends down to watch England lose for the football she will be unreasonable.

It's no wonder MN runneth over with threads from people who find it difficult to make/keep friends if this kind of attitude is prevalent.

The other two can still go out though, so I really don't see the issue 🤷🏻‍♀️

Shodan · 05/12/2022 09:19

I would think you unreasonable- I would think that if you truly were a real fan you wouldn't have scheduled anything for the World Cup season just in case the England men's team did manage to 'Bring It Home' this time, however unlikely that scenario is.

But I say that only as someone who will watch a final with England in if there's nothing better to do (like clearing out the drains, for example) and in the full knowledge that you have no intention of being well-mannered and sticking to your original plans.

So go ahead and cancel.

thelobsterquadrille · 05/12/2022 09:23

It's no wonder MN runneth over with threads from people who find it difficult to make/keep friends if this kind of attitude is prevalent

Whereas I think the total opposite.

If people are this rigid about life and can't possibly consider rearranging a meal based on a huge football game, I'm not sure I'd want to be friends with them anyway. Life is never black and white.

I say all this as someone who has absolutely no intention of watching the game at all this weekend.

I think life would be much easier if people didn't have to stick to plans they made weeks or months ago (weddings etc. excepted as they cost oriole money if you cancel).

user7845209 · 05/12/2022 09:26

Ha ha ha at record it and watch it later

NonagonInfinityOpensTheDoor · 05/12/2022 09:28

Cancel if you must, but I wouldn’t expect the two others to cancel, especially if one hasn’t been out in two years, I can’t imagine how much she is looking forward to it. (And I’d probably end up cancelling if someone suggested watching it 🤮)

Obviously if they do go out you’ll need to be prepared for them to develop a closer friendship and potentially not bother with you since you’re both bothering with them.

Ellessdee · 05/12/2022 09:29

Maybe they would like to watch the football too...

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 05/12/2022 09:30

*I still can't see the issue - it's just dinner.

The other two can still go and have a meal and a nice evening if they want to, or they can all rearrange and go another time.

But then MN does like to make a huge drama out of very normal, everyday occurrences so I'm not surprised OP is being called rude and selfish* 🙈

Exactly. They can still go out together. She's not abandoning this friend all alone.

MillyMollyManky · 05/12/2022 09:30

On the "not a real fan or you'd have known" point- my DS (ESTC member of many years, goes to every game he can even the friendlies) managed to double book himself for last night's game. People do make mistakes sometimes!

Wheredoallthepensgo · 05/12/2022 09:31

Florenz · 05/12/2022 07:33

They will probably want to cancel as well unless they are full-on football haters. Pretty much everyone in the country will be watching the match.

I think you highly over estimate how many people give a fuck about a bunch of overpaid fakers kicking a ball around.

Freddosforall · 05/12/2022 09:33

I think it's up to you. The chances are that if you cancel when the friendships with these women won't develop / go anywhere. Maybe they'll become closer to each other but you'll be left out. Because that what tends to happen in the early stages of friendships - you need to make opportunities to deepen them or the other person assumes you don't want it. So to me the decision would be what's most important - the football or developing the friendships. I don't think that's a particularly moral issue, it's more about your personal priorities, and that will vary for different people.

Rhondaa · 05/12/2022 09:36

Dinner with 2 school mums you don't know very well? That in itself doesn't sound particularly inviting tbh. If it was a big family do, an important event like a wedding night do of course you'd have to go but an evening with 2 school mums can easily be rearranged.

Frabbits · 05/12/2022 09:37

If you are going to be sitting there squirming and constantly checking your phone then definitely cancel, it's deeply annoying going out/meeting someone who's attention is clearly elsewhere.

You just need to decide what is more important, a football match that you could very easily record or dinner with these people, bearing in mind that a lot of people would just not bother with you again if you make the first choice.

Wheredoallthepensgo · 05/12/2022 09:42

If OP is so passionate that she can't miss it then she'd have checked out when England might be playing assuming they got through and avoided making plans then, as my die-hard footie fan friends tend to do

Yeah I'd expect a serious fan to have looked at the tournament schedule and planned accordingly. I would be pissed off at 5 days out - especially for the poor lady who hasn't been out for 2 years!! Dumped for football - I'd be giving you a swerve from now on.

Rhondaa · 05/12/2022 09:46

We've got plans for the 18th but I can guarantee if we're in the final we'll arrange. It's what people do, you don't have a calendar completely empty just in case.