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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel plans because of the football?

281 replies

XmasConfusion · 05/12/2022 07:16

Dinner with two school mums next Saturday. Been planned for ages. Don't know them very well..

Me and my family are England fans and been watching and following pretty seriously.

AIBU to not go on Saturday as its England v France?

OP posts:
TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 05/12/2022 08:33

Record it and wear ear plugs for the day. Watch it later (don't forget to take your ear plugs out though!)

MiddleParking · 05/12/2022 08:33

Can’t you just ask if you could go somewhere that’ll be showing it for dinner?

Original poster
XmasConfusion · 05/12/2022 08:34

@Snoken "Real life is more important"

Isn't having interests/hobbies "real life"

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 05/12/2022 08:36

A friends catch up was cancelled due to the Euro’s final, I was fine with that, even though I’m not a football fan. They might want to watch it too

FettleOfKish · 05/12/2022 08:36

@thelobsterquadrille @GreenWheat

If OP is so passionate that she can't miss it then she'd have checked out when England might be playing assuming they got through and avoided making plans then, as my die-hard footie fan friends tend to do (or at least make the plans with the caveat, if England are playing that night I won't make it out, so expectations are managed).

Better to tag on to something because they're not playing, than drop out because they are.

If it she was going out in a big group and wouldn't be missed I'd probably feel differently but a group of 3 down to 2 changes the dynamic considerably.

It's rude to declare 11 blokes you've never met more important than 2 real life friends who we assume are looking forward to a festive evening out. Honestly I think it's really rude.

ImAvingOops · 05/12/2022 08:37

thelobsterquadrille · 05/12/2022 08:29

Blimey, are you always so rigid when it comes to your friendships?

Show quote history

Why do people have to be flexible in situations where definite plans have been made? Genuine question, not being snarky. They will have been looking forward to it, potentially arranged babysitters or turned down other offers.
To me, flexible is for when a person is ill, or their childcare cancels on them at the last minute. It isn't because the person with whom you've made plans now fancies doing something else instead. That's just telling people they are not that important and I can see why her friends wouldn't rush to make other plans with her.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 05/12/2022 08:41

FettleOfKish · 05/12/2022 08:26

If you cancelled firm plans with me for a football match I wouldn't be inviting you anywhere again, sorry.

You'd be doing them a favour then 😂

Snoken · 05/12/2022 08:41

XmasConfusion · 05/12/2022 08:34

@Snoken "Real life is more important"

Isn't having interests/hobbies "real life"

Sure, but I would not cancel on my girlfriends to watch 22 men kick a ball on TV. It's not even like they are in the final. I think the main thing is that you already have confirmed plans, and you are wanting to ditch them to watch your hobby on TV.

I am clearly not a football fan, but I do have other interests and I still can't imagine wanting to not see my friends just so that I could watch my hobby being carried out on TV instead.

Teentrauma · 05/12/2022 08:43

Our work Christmas do had to be planned around the football which left very little choice of date. A few people were unimpressed but, as the majority want to watch it, needs must! However, we knew this months ago and planned it accordingly on the assumption that England will make the final! Hope we haven't tempted fate!!!!

Original poster
XmasConfusion · 05/12/2022 08:44

@ImAvingOops I feel exactly the opposite. If someone cancels on me because something has come up...unless they do it constantly...I just accept that life happens. I dont take it personally at all. Its not about one being more important.

In this case one event can be moved to another night. One event is rigid in time and not likely to be repeated for many many years. Therefore logical to change the one that can be changed.

Someone cancelled on me last week because she was tired. Absolutely fine. She needed to cancel for herself. I wouldn't want her forcing herself to turn up to protect my feelings.

OP posts:
OhForDuckSake · 05/12/2022 08:49

What I really don't understand is that either England go through and then you can watch the next game or they don't and all you miss is them losing. The final I could understand

HappyOnion · 05/12/2022 08:51

OP, you could always put out feelers: "Have you seen our dinner is on the same day as the England match?" and see how they respond. They might say:

  1. "no, I haven't been following it"
  2. "yes, I saw that"
  3. "what dinner? I'm having mine at the Dog and Duck watching Harry and the lads. Football's coming home, girls!"

and that will give you some idea of how a suggestion of rescheduling is likely to go down. If you don't know them that well, I don't think you can tell in advance how they'll feel- football fans don't all look like that guy with a flare up his bum, most of us look entirely normal 😃

In your shoes, I'd just be honest. If they're so offended that it harms an incipient friendship, then the friendship probably wasn't going to go anywhere anyway.

NoDairyNoProblem · 05/12/2022 08:51

@XmasConfusion you mentioned your friend hasn’t been out in two years? I’m assuming therefore she is really looking forward to dinner and drinks with her friends and it’s always nicer to be out when it’s all festive and lovely.

If you know yourself you would genuinely be poorer company for missing the football than cancel. If not I would still go as I had made a commitment to someone who isn’t out often.

NoSquirrels · 05/12/2022 08:55

In this scenario I would either invite them to ours to watch the game with us, ask if we could do lunch instead or if they’d prefer to rearrange for another night - and let them know it was fine to go ahead without me if they didn’t want to rearrange.

I’d bet at least one of their partners will want to watch the match and so entirely possible their childcare arrangements might also get tricky.

Just be upfront about it.

Lalliella · 05/12/2022 08:57

It’s rude. You should always honour your first commitment. Video it and watch it when you get home.

FettleOfKish · 05/12/2022 08:58

@XmasConfusion But you could have anticipated that England might be playing on Saturday, and not made plans just in case.

Since you didn't do that, I think cancelling is just demonstrating how little these friends mean to you, or how little making a prior commitment means to you.

'Something coming up' is something unexpected like illness or a cancelled babysitter, or a necessary unanticipated expense that means you can't spare the money. Even a particularly stressful week at work that means you're wiped out. It's not a football match that always might have happened.

sashh · 05/12/2022 09:01

Florenz · 05/12/2022 07:33

They will probably want to cancel as well unless they are full-on football haters. Pretty much everyone in the country will be watching the match.

Not at all true.

OP I think you have probably already made up your mind. I would find it incredibly rude, I'm obviously one of those, "don't get it"s.

ExtraOnions · 05/12/2022 09:01

Get it rescheduled and watch the football.

I shall we watching the football - at home … all Town / City centres will be full of people, who have been drinking all day, watching the match. There is no way I would go out on Saturday Night

Lalliella · 05/12/2022 09:01

XmasConfusion · 05/12/2022 08:13

I really don't take cancelling personally myself. Unless it's last minute or there is lots of organisation involved, I'm always pretty relaxed about people cancelling. I don't want people to turn up out of obligation and I like a surprise evening at home!

But I've learnt over the years other people do not feel like that!

And I had hoped the football might be a legitimate reason and not cause upset. But can see that's not the case necessarily

There are only 3 of us and one of the mums hasn't been out in the evening for about 2 years. I don't know them v well but I don't want to upset them. But people saying watch the game recorded or just look online..
The joy of sport isn't just the score...its actually watching it!

I'll mention it to them. But I suspect they're entirely unbotherd by football.

Damn!

If she hasn’t been out in 2 years that would be really mean to cancel on her.

I don’t see why you can’t record it and watch it later.

thelobsterquadrille · 05/12/2022 09:01

Lalliella · 05/12/2022 08:57

It’s rude. You should always honour your first commitment. Video it and watch it when you get home.

I just find this sort of thinking so rigid.

I'm so glad nobody I know is this uptight about cancelling dinner plans a week in advance 😳

SunnyCoco · 05/12/2022 09:03

Yes it would be fine by me. In fact another mate has already cancelled something for this evening as her home country's team are playing, unexpectedly.

It would be best to ask to reschedule though instead of cancelling altogether

thelobsterquadrille · 05/12/2022 09:05

I don’t see why you can’t record it and watch it later.

Well, she could, but part of the fun of watching live sports is knowing you're sharing that moment with millions of others - the anticipation, the joy, the disappointment - it's not really the same if you watch it alone on catch-up when the rest of the world already knows the outcome.

It would also be pretty impossible to not hear the scores when you're out all night and practically every single bar and pub will have it screened live.

FettleOfKish · 05/12/2022 09:05

@thelobsterquadrille It's not the cancelling though is it, it's the reason for cancelling.

It's the OP saying 'I know you haven't been out for 2 years and I know it was a push to find a date in December that worked for everyone and I know you have babysitters sorted and have booked a blow dry, but I've had a better offer so I won't be coming'.

It's not remotely the same as cancelling for an unanticipated reason.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 05/12/2022 09:06

As others have said, true football fans have tracked the schedule and know when England are playing if they win each round. I’ve a couple of friends who’ve scheduled Christmas nights out with this in mind. Absolutely no problem with this at all.

Fair weather football fans cancelling at short notice (especially when one of the attendees hasn’t been out for 2 years) is shitty.

mumto2teenagers · 05/12/2022 09:08

I am a football fan and TBH I think YABU. I would not want to miss an England game for dinner with friends, so when the groups were announced we worked out dates that England could be playing to ensure we didn't make plans for those dates.

In your situation I would suggest moving it to another time or going somewhere that is showing the football, but if your friends don't want to do that I would stick with the original plan.

For those saying you would rather someone cancelled than be constantly checking for the score, you can just set notifications and leave your phone so wouldn't really interfere with the evening.