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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel plans because of the football?

281 replies

XmasConfusion · 05/12/2022 07:16

Dinner with two school mums next Saturday. Been planned for ages. Don't know them very well..

Me and my family are England fans and been watching and following pretty seriously.

AIBU to not go on Saturday as its England v France?

OP posts:
houseargh · 05/12/2022 09:47

Ooh, this is gonna really divide opinion. If it was me, I'd cancel with many apologies. The kind of person who is unsympathetic to that, I wouldn't consider to be good friend material anyway

LlynTegid · 05/12/2022 09:49

If no expense has been committed, cancel now. Spend some of the savings on a box of tissues for when Les Bleus win.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/12/2022 09:51

@XmasConfusion where are you meeting? Is it likely to have the football on and be full of fans? Perhaps ask if they want to reschedule to avoid the football noise. Beyond that tho- only 3 of you, be friends etc, if you cancel I'd say accept you won't get invited again. They'll likely feel they need to cancel too because 3 feels like a night out now than 2 does.

Original poster
XmasConfusion · 05/12/2022 09:52

Yeah. It really does divide opinion eh?

Perhaps I should have kept all times free where England should have been playing. That's a fair point

But some reactions do seem a bit dramatic to me. Seems a bit precious to avoid someone who asked for a casual dinner to be rescheduled.

I just can't imagine being that arsed at all.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/12/2022 09:54

yoshiblue · 05/12/2022 09:10

Slightly different but my DH is no longer going on his works night out on Sat in a major city centre. Not a football fan but wants to avoid the all day drinkers. I would imagine quite a few plans will be changing next weekend, don't feel bad for suggesting a reschedule.

Yup - our works meet up for festive drinks has now been pulled forward a few hours so people can be done by 6pm to either go home or to the pub for the match. Then those that aren't bothered can just stay out if they like!

NormalNans · 05/12/2022 10:00

If it was something significant it wouldn’t be an issue but this is the same rearranging so you can watch a TV programme for anyone who doesn’t enjoy football.

Ellessdee · 05/12/2022 10:06

WimpoleHat · 05/12/2022 07:56

Me and my family are England fans

Sorry - this jumped out to me. Are you a football fan? By that, I mean a year round one. You have a team you support, you regularly go to matches and everyone who’s friendly with you would know this? If you are, then they will know this and will understand why you want to cancel plans for which they’ve presumably gone to a lot of trouble (a Saturday before Christmas will require booking, they’ll have had to sort out childcare etc). If you are just one of those people who likes watching England on the TV, then I wouldn’t expect another invitation from them.

Hahahahahahaha this is funny.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/12/2022 10:09

NormalNans · 05/12/2022 10:00

If it was something significant it wouldn’t be an issue but this is the same rearranging so you can watch a TV programme for anyone who doesn’t enjoy football.

Whilst I'm not a massive football fan, I'd disagree here.

This event takes place once every four years. It also will have a result/score that then affects how the team progresses.

So it's not, say, the same as not going out because the Eastenders Christmas special is on. Because actually although to EE fans, this is probably something they really want to see, they won't be affected by watching it the next day because there isn't an "end point" to the show. If an England football fan then overhears the score, it will make watching the match a totally different experience.

SleeplessInEngland · 05/12/2022 10:09

I feel exactly the opposite. If someone cancels on me because something has come up

In this case it depends how much you conflate a not-entirely-unexpected football match as 'something coming up'. I suspect if the hostess isn't into football she won't be too impressed, especially as there's only three of you, but who knows - maybe she'll want to watch the match too.

FettleOfKish · 05/12/2022 10:09

I just can't imagine being that arsed at all

Have you been out in the last two years though OP? I'd imagine that friend is especially looking forward to it and may well be arsed at it being postponed / cancelled / suddenly an intimate dinner for two rather than a girls night.

WeWereInParis · 05/12/2022 10:12

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 05/12/2022 07:19

As long as you weren’t hosting and it won’t ruin their night it’s fine

I agree with this. If you are planning on going out for dinner and now you're just saying you won't go then they can still go ahead then I think that's fine.

I would roll my eyes, but I wouldn't be pissed off.

toastofthetown · 05/12/2022 10:15

I have plans for Saturday and I’d be annoyed if they were cancelled for the football. Maybe it’s different that it’s theatre tickets than a meal out, so not able to rearrange as the tour will have moved on by then. It’s one of those situations where you are free to cancel whichever plans you want, but other people are equally free to have their own opinions on that, and you might not get a return invitation.

Is the restaurant showing the football? For the European Football championship a few years ago, some friends and I were booked to go out for a meal during one of the knock out matches and they installed a screen to show the football which we hadn’t expected.

SleeplessInEngland · 05/12/2022 10:17

I agree with this. If you are planning on going out for dinner and now you're just saying you won't go then they can still go ahead then I think that's fine.

If there's only thee of them at this dinner one dropping out suddenly really changes the dynamic though. It's not like 1 person our of 5 flaking out.

But I agree with those who've said the OP should just be honest and mention the game - she might be surprised at the host's response.

SleeplessInEngland · 05/12/2022 10:19

Another consideration is that we're playing France. If you're an England fan perhaps you'll want to avoid watching them get rinsed. 😉

Original poster
XmasConfusion · 05/12/2022 10:32

@FettleOfKish - yeah, i do agree about that. For me it's just a dinner thing - but different for her maybe. She never goes out with people - I mean i don't know how long it's been but she's always mentioning how since having kids all her confidence has gone and she never wants to go out. AHHHHH. And i also agree that two people having dinner together is totally different to three of us together. I'll mention the football to her but if she's not bothered - I'll keep to my plans.

OP posts:
SchittOnIt · 05/12/2022 10:36

To me it depends on how long it’s been organised, whether they’ve had to make special childcare arrangements to be able to come out and how often you see them. But I agree you should just say you can’t come rather than suggest rearranging - they might not want to miss out on their evening just because there’s football on. I couldn’t care less about football and wouldn't watch it even if I had nothing else to do, so I would be loathe to rearrange an evening out for it.

LuckySantangelo35 · 05/12/2022 10:38

I think your pals will be pissed off op

they will have been looking forward to a nice catch up, meal, cocktails whatever. There was only three of you.

after Covid people want to get out and socialise!

pizzaHeart · 05/12/2022 10:39

I will watch the game on Saturday at home, I didn’t plan it deliberately, just left this Saturday free for Strictly. However would I have plans to go out I wouldn’t cancel them and I wouldn’t look at my phone and wouldn’t want to go somewhere with a screen, I would hate it actually. So if you won’t be able to forget about football and concentrate on the dinner - don’t go.
I’m very flexible about canceling for health and childcare reasons however yours does look a bit as “something more interesting has come out” so it very much depends on how interesting is the game for your friends. My main problem is that dinner on Saturday in December is very difficult to book and arrange ( at least for me) and moving it earlier or to another day in a week won’t be possible, also one of you makes one third of the group so very noticeable and changes dynamics. It might be ok for your friends or might be not, it is a bit of a gamble. I wouldn’t like it but we might still end up friends eventually.

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/12/2022 10:40

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · Today 07:20
I’d be very pissed if off. Cancelling because if Illness or crisis would be understandable. But football?! I’d be very unimpressed“

This.

RunningFromInsanity · 05/12/2022 10:40

I’m now not going to my Xmas do because it’s on Saturday…

NoelNoNoel · 05/12/2022 10:42

It’s up to you but don’t come back in a few years time saying you’re upset as you arranged something and everyone has bailed out.

FettleOfKish · 05/12/2022 10:43

@XmasConfusion That's fair. I don't have kids so am out at least every other weekend most of the time, I have a good friend that's a single Mum and makes it 'out out' once or twice year.

It's a much bigger deal to her than any night out is to me, so I'd have to really be at deaths door to miss it.

(Before anyone asks I offer to babysit for her often but she prefers to leave them with family which is fair enough).

DystarOxo · 05/12/2022 10:46

Not unreasonable.

But be honest, I'd completely understand if someone cancelled on me but I'd be annoyed if I eventually found out they made up an excuse!

Luellie · 05/12/2022 10:57

FettleOfKish · 05/12/2022 09:05

@thelobsterquadrille It's not the cancelling though is it, it's the reason for cancelling.

It's the OP saying 'I know you haven't been out for 2 years and I know it was a push to find a date in December that worked for everyone and I know you have babysitters sorted and have booked a blow dry, but I've had a better offer so I won't be coming'.

It's not remotely the same as cancelling for an unanticipated reason.

I agree with this I'm afraid. I would take it exactly the same way as if someone said "I'm cancelling because I've decided to go out with some other friends instead", or "I've decided to go to the cinema instead", or whatever else. You're telling me that you're happy to cancel a firm arrangement just because you feel like doing something else - that, to me, is rude.

I'm not into football and I don't know anyone who is to the extent they'd cancel either, so I'm happy to acknowledge that lots of people will disagree with me.

Honestly OP, if you want to maintain the chance to befriend them properly and you're adamant you want to cancel, I think you should just make up another excuse tbh 😬

thelobsterquadrille · 05/12/2022 11:03

I would take it exactly the same way as if someone said "I'm cancelling because I've decided to go out with some other friends instead", or "I've decided to go to the cinema instead", or whatever else. You're telling me that you're happy to cancel a firm arrangement just because you feel like doing something else

The key difference is that the football is a live event that can't be moved, unlike the cinema or meeting up with other friends.

Saying "you can watch it after" is totally missing the point - and a bit like saying you can skip a concert and just watch it on catch-up. It's totally different and a bit pointless as the scores will be out everywhere anyway.

I'm not into football at all either, but I do understand that this is a big game and that it's not going to happen every time I have plans, so I wouldn't see the big deal in rearranging things as a one-off.