for being moody about being left in the car for hours by DP?

[stylishelish]

Me and my boyfriend live in different cities so we see each other at the weekends and sometimes in the week. He drives to see me, but I don’t drive so he either picks me up or I get trains to his city and stay over for however long. He’s really good to me like that, he will let me stay at his for days and then wake up early to drive me to work (which is about a 1.5 hour drive from his) before he goes to work. I’m really happy generally and I think he is too.

This week I travelled to see him on the train. I was only staying two nights because of work but he was on annual leave all week. He picked me up from the station & then he said he had to run a few errands. That took about an hour or so and it was nearly midnight by the time he was done. When he had finished he just went to bed because he was shattered.

The next two days were hectic - he is in between two houses so sorting a lot of stuff out and nowhere really were we can both stay comfortably. So a lot of the time, he was driving between his old house and new house moving stuff like furniture etc., and so I couldn’t really stay in either place during the day. So I had to sit in the car. I did try and help as much as possible but I got the impression I wasn’t helping so much, and his brother was there helping so I felt a bit like a spare part. So spent most of the time in the car.

At the end of the 2 days he said we’d go for a nice meal because (in his words) “you’ve been in the car these last 2 days like a dog”. So I thought it would be a nice end to an otherwise quite boring few days. I waited and then he said he was going to a personal training session from 6-8 but was I okay to wait in the car? I said okay reluctantly but said I really didn’t want to be late back. He said he wouldn’t be over 2 hours.

I listened to a podcast just waited. He was actually late back (he came back to the car 840) and said it was because his personal trainer (who I know) wanted to put videos of him on his Instagram 🙄

I was just a bit quiet when he came back and said “I don’t think we’ve spent that much time together that’s all”

He said I was selfish and he would have to have a think about whether he wanted to continue the relationship.

i did agree to sit in the car, but I was passive aggressive really wasn’t I?

Why did you have to sit in the car? Couldn't you have went to a cafe or pub instead with a book?

Well you have the option not to visit again, I would take it.

You weren't passive aggressive know.

Passive - yes. Can't believe you sat in the car for 2 hours while he was at the gym! !

Ditch him.

Yes, why on earth did you wait in his car? That would drive me crazy!

Why didn't you wait at his house?

I don’t understand why you couldn’t help him with the house move rather than just sit in the car.
Surely you can help shift stuff or you could have stayed at the old house and cleaned up as your BF and his brother moved stuff out?

i could be way off but if you say you got the impression you weren’t helping a lot then it sounds like you were in the way, we’re you asking lots of ‘where shall I put this, what shall I do now?’ Questions?
As you come across as someone who needs to be told what to do rather than takes the initiative and that is exhausting when someone is busy trying to get loads done.

however him taking a lot longer than he said he wound at the gym isn’t on.
and I’m not sure why he called you selfish.

have a chat with him and see what he is frustrated about and take responsibility for saying you were ok with something when you actually weren’t

Very quick to think about ending your relationship over a minor tiff. 🤨

A minor tiff

Why did you even go to stay with him if he was clearly really busy? You should have stayed at home!

Two hours and 40 minutes! You waited in the car for that long? What alternatives were offered? That is a long time to wait in a car. I think you under-reacted. I would have been livid after agreeing to 2 hours - and then him coming out 40 minutes later!

He invited me! I didn’t know he was moving that day until I arrived. I did ask whether I should go home after the first night but he said no, he wanted me to be there.

You just have truncated something as him decided to potentially break up over you feeling a bit peeved seems a little weird.

So knowing that you were only coming for a couple of days and he's got all week off he decided to:

a) Run errands on the first evening

b) Organise his move

c) Book a personal training session

All of these in the time when you were around, leaving you in the car and YOU'RE the selfish one?

I'd say he's either not into you or he's basically a selfish git. Just because he's sometimes nice doesn't make him good relationship material.

If I knew my bloke was that busy I would have swerved the weekend altogether unless I was going to help graft.

The new house has no electricity/heating at the time, and the old house had no furniture. He was going to stay with his mum for the next few nights.

He did say I could go and sit in a cafe but I didn’t really feel like I wanted to do that either. The car felt more comfortable because of the heater.

You should have helped properly with the moving or gone home. Or when he said he was going to PT for two hours said 'great, drop me off at x I'll have a coffee/ browse the bookshop etc'.

You sound like a child.

How long have you been together, Op?

I'll be honest, I'm getting major 'he's just not that in to you' vibes. Is it a fairly new relationship?

I moved his clothes, the kitchen stuff and manageable stuff into his new house, I hoovered the new place but didn’t take long. I asked whether he wanted me to clean the old house but he said no it didn’t need cleaning. He said just stay in the warm in the car. I would have preferred to help, but there you go

He sounds like he didn't factor you into his plan at all.

Honestly OP I'd kick him to the kerb, you deserve better.

The next two days were hectic - he is in between two houses so sorting a lot of stuff out and nowhere really were we can both stay comfortably. So a lot of the time, he was driving between his old house and new house moving stuff like furniture etc., and so I couldn’t really stay in either place during the day. So I had to sit in the car.
There was absolutely no need for you to sit in the car.
You had 2 perfectly viable houses you could have chosen to sit in.
Why didn't you?

I was just a bit quiet when he came back and said “I don’t think we’ve spent that much time together that’s all”
How much time did you imagine you were going to spend together, on the weekend he was moving house?

At the end of the 2 days he said we’d go for a nice meal because (in his words) “you’ve been in the car these last 2 days like a dog”. So I thought it would be a nice end to an otherwise quite boring few days. I waited and then he said he was going to a personal training session from 6-8 but was I okay to wait in the car? I said okay reluctantly but said I really didn’t want to be late back. He said he wouldn’t be over 2 hours.
OP there is a really REALLY useful word you need to learn.
It is "no".
WTF would you agree to carry on sitting in his bloody care for another 2 hours?
Don't get me wrong - it was utterly crass of him to expect you to, especially as he;d already acknowledged his part in leaving you in the care "like a dog".
He ASKED YOU if it was ok to wait another 2 hours in the car. That means he gave you an opportunity to say NO.
Yet despite your reluctance, you said yes.

You need to learn how to say no FFS.

He said I was selfish and he would have to have a think about whether he wanted to continue the relationship.
Ha ha ha ha ha why would you want to date a man who leaves you in a car for 2 days?
Of course he called you selfish. He's used to you meekly kowtowing to everything he says & wants. You making the tiniest hint that the weekend wasn't great for you caused him to lash out. He's a selfish fucking tool - why can't you see that? He's controlling you by threaening to leave you, the moment your total compliance has the tiniest waver.

i did agree to sit in the car, but I was passive aggressive really wasn’t I?
You were daft to agree to it, daft not to take yourself home on a train, & daft to see him on the weekend he;s moving house at all really. You must have already known he has form for only considering himself?

And nope, you weren't passive-aggressive.
Just passive.

Ditch this awful man & buy yourself a present - www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Assertiveness/dp/0704334208

So I take it you didn't go out for the meal at all? Moving is stressful and he could just be being an arse because of that - but he is definitely the one acting selfishly in my opinion. He wanted you there on his terms, with no consideration of how uncomfortable it was for you.

How long did you have the car running for the heater to be working?

Oh ye dogs it gets worse.

He WANTED you there, siting in his car like one of those nodding dogs?

What about what YOU wanted? Going back to your own place to enjoy all your home comforts would have been much nicer for you.

Why did you think you needed his permission to go home?

You do have personal responsibility. You write like you’re a child and have to do as you’re told. I can’t perceive why you hang around like that, it’s so utterly cringe.

you say oh look you’re busy I will head off, or I will go and do x today, or I will meet you at the restaurant at 8.

I cannot see this as his fault, but yours. It’s such odd behaviour, how old are you?

You've got reason to ne annoyed in that You've wasted your time. Your being unreasonable to now moan about it as you had ple opportunity to say no om.jusy going to make my way home on the train, but instead you chose to sit in a car for two days