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Original poster

for being moody about being left in the car for hours by DP?

219 replies

stylishelish · 03/12/2022 12:59

Me and my boyfriend live in different cities so we see each other at the weekends and sometimes in the week. He drives to see me, but I don’t drive so he either picks me up or I get trains to his city and stay over for however long. He’s really good to me like that, he will let me stay at his for days and then wake up early to drive me to work (which is about a 1.5 hour drive from his) before he goes to work. I’m really happy generally and I think he is too.

This week I travelled to see him on the train. I was only staying two nights because of work but he was on annual leave all week. He picked me up from the station & then he said he had to run a few errands. That took about an hour or so and it was nearly midnight by the time he was done. When he had finished he just went to bed because he was shattered.

The next two days were hectic - he is in between two houses so sorting a lot of stuff out and nowhere really were we can both stay comfortably. So a lot of the time, he was driving between his old house and new house moving stuff like furniture etc., and so I couldn’t really stay in either place during the day. So I had to sit in the car. I did try and help as much as possible but I got the impression I wasn’t helping so much, and his brother was there helping so I felt a bit like a spare part. So spent most of the time in the car.

At the end of the 2 days he said we’d go for a nice meal because (in his words) “you’ve been in the car these last 2 days like a dog”. So I thought it would be a nice end to an otherwise quite boring few days. I waited and then he said he was going to a personal training session from 6-8 but was I okay to wait in the car? I said okay reluctantly but said I really didn’t want to be late back. He said he wouldn’t be over 2 hours.

I listened to a podcast just waited. He was actually late back (he came back to the car 840) and said it was because his personal trainer (who I know) wanted to put videos of him on his Instagram 🙄

I was just a bit quiet when he came back and said “I don’t think we’ve spent that much time together that’s all”

He said I was selfish and he would have to have a think about whether he wanted to continue the relationship.

i did agree to sit in the car, but I was passive aggressive really wasn’t I?

OP posts:
Fireflybaby · 04/12/2022 16:34

stylishelish · 03/12/2022 12:59

Me and my boyfriend live in different cities so we see each other at the weekends and sometimes in the week. He drives to see me, but I don’t drive so he either picks me up or I get trains to his city and stay over for however long. He’s really good to me like that, he will let me stay at his for days and then wake up early to drive me to work (which is about a 1.5 hour drive from his) before he goes to work. I’m really happy generally and I think he is too.

This week I travelled to see him on the train. I was only staying two nights because of work but he was on annual leave all week. He picked me up from the station & then he said he had to run a few errands. That took about an hour or so and it was nearly midnight by the time he was done. When he had finished he just went to bed because he was shattered.

The next two days were hectic - he is in between two houses so sorting a lot of stuff out and nowhere really were we can both stay comfortably. So a lot of the time, he was driving between his old house and new house moving stuff like furniture etc., and so I couldn’t really stay in either place during the day. So I had to sit in the car. I did try and help as much as possible but I got the impression I wasn’t helping so much, and his brother was there helping so I felt a bit like a spare part. So spent most of the time in the car.

At the end of the 2 days he said we’d go for a nice meal because (in his words) “you’ve been in the car these last 2 days like a dog”. So I thought it would be a nice end to an otherwise quite boring few days. I waited and then he said he was going to a personal training session from 6-8 but was I okay to wait in the car? I said okay reluctantly but said I really didn’t want to be late back. He said he wouldn’t be over 2 hours.

I listened to a podcast just waited. He was actually late back (he came back to the car 840) and said it was because his personal trainer (who I know) wanted to put videos of him on his Instagram 🙄

I was just a bit quiet when he came back and said “I don’t think we’ve spent that much time together that’s all”

He said I was selfish and he would have to have a think about whether he wanted to continue the relationship.

i did agree to sit in the car, but I was passive aggressive really wasn’t I?

After a few hours of car hopping why not say: you know what, you're obviously busy and there's no room for me in this weekend and im not much help either. How about you move house and ill go home early. And we'll see eachother when you've sorted yourself out.
Like others said, learn to say no.

BigglyBee · 04/12/2022 16:36

Better men are available. No man would also probably be better.

Autumntimeagain · 04/12/2022 17:01

So he said “you’ve been in the car these last 2 days like a dog”

Then he said '' he was going to a personal training session from 6-8 but was I okay to wait in the car?''

And was actually 2 hrs 40mins ???

WTAF are you doing continually agreeing to 'wait in the car', like a bloody dog, while he trots off and does his own thing ???

If he actually wanted to spend time with you then he'd have cancelled or rearranged his bloody gym session, wouldn't he ??

Surely you should've pointed out that it was HIM who was being 'selfish', because he asked you to visit and stay with him, but had fuck all intention of spending any actual quality/date/relationship time with you (unless sitting in the bloody car counts !ffs), and then he tells you that he won't take you to dinner because you dared to say you were upset about it ???

Sickofcoughing · 04/12/2022 17:24

I'd be more than moody, I'd be livid and would not have anything more to do with him unless he made a significant effort to apologise and make it up to me.

So after you wasted almost three hours on the end of a boring weekend you didn't even get dinner and got insulted to boot?

My only criticism is I would not have said I didn't see much of you that's all, I would have said I'm annoyed and been clear why.

Sadbeigechildren · 04/12/2022 17:35

He's not treating you with respect at all.

Your time is valuable too.

It was controlling of him to react so harshly when you simply said you hadn't spent much time together. He had been very rude and it was understandable for you to feel that way.

I don't like the way he went directly to labeling you selfish and making out that he was now considering his options. He had literally just apologised for a selfish act. Taken along with his dog comment and the way he was happy to make you wait even longer than you agreed, I don't think he is the material you want for a long term partner. You need to value yourself more and let people like this go.

Okaylove · 04/12/2022 17:44

RampantIvy · 04/12/2022 08:02

I suspect that most of the unkind posts are from posters who haven't bothered to read the OP's updates.

Show quote history

i don’t know why people bother to reply to threads without reading them… just seen a specific section of the Highway Code quoted, I mean surely that takes more effort to find than just reading the thread?!

Pansypotter123 · 04/12/2022 20:37

Anyhow.... So enough about yesterday. Has he been in touch today and if so what has he said, and how have you responded?

Or, have you contacted him since he took you home yesterday....?

KarmaStar · 04/12/2022 20:49

Not sure why you went to be honest when he was clearly do busy and no accommodation for you was easily available.
this doesn't feel right to me,something is off.
not knowing both parties take on this incident whilst he was at the gym it's hard to say but there's nothing wrong in being independent and enjoying your own life separately from him.

marmitetoastie · 04/12/2022 23:57

Look at him. He’s been busy all weekend and then when he has the chance to spend time with you, he puts self promotion ahead of you. Either accept your low value on his time spending list, or move on with a sore heart. only we can stop people treating us badly, by stopping allowing it.

xxxxxxxx

Ineedaduvetday · 05/12/2022 06:34

I'd dump him and work on yourself. You are far too passive, allowing others to dictate your life. You are not a child any longer.

Good luck.

caroleanboneparte · 05/12/2022 08:58

He's just not that into you.

knittingaddict · 05/12/2022 09:18

I doubt op will be back. I am 100% sure that this has been posted before, months ago. Obviously nothing has changed or something else is going on.

HotChoxs · 05/12/2022 09:36

musingsinmidlife · 04/12/2022 16:27

This is all on you. You have him running 1.5 hours back and forth to pick you up and take you to work and then you go down on a weekend he is moving but are so useless that you don't help or figure out what you can do and you just sit in the car and complain. No wonder men see women as weak when women act like they are completely incapable of acting like independent adults. We are moving this weekend and my kids and 75 year old plus parents made themselves far more useful than you did and no one sat in the car at all. Seems like you acted more like a potted plant, even a dog wouldn't stay in the car all day.

Can you imagine if a man posted saying he has no car so he expects his girlfriend to ferry him back and forth 1.5 hours to home and work and he went down for a weekend but she was moving and had her sister to help so he had no choice but to just sit in her car all day for two days and do nothing and watch them move? And then he complained about it all? He would be crucified and you should be too.

Well it's an interesting viewpoint and worth considering. OP do you stay at his place only or does he stay at yours? It sounds like a bit of a power imbalance here, he's got a car and place and she hasn't?

I'm not sure that's all on the OP If this is a one off and he was extremely stressed due to the move, people can say things they don't mean here. Or theres too much imbalance and this is a bit of a parent child relationship. Takes two to play at that game.

FairyLightAddict · 05/12/2022 11:09

The whole thing is weird. Your passiveness. His rudeness. I don't know anyone who'd leave a girlfriend in the car for over 2 hours. I don't understand why you put up with it or didn't wait in the pub.

Crazy.

Shade17 · 05/12/2022 19:01

She's was left in the car a lot over the weekend & clearly had engine running a fair amount of that time! Still illegal!

You have no idea if the car was parked on the road so maybe, maybe not!

musingsinmidlife · 06/12/2022 11:20

FairyLightAddict · 05/12/2022 11:09

The whole thing is weird. Your passiveness. His rudeness. I don't know anyone who'd leave a girlfriend in the car for over 2 hours. I don't understand why you put up with it or didn't wait in the pub.

Crazy.

I am confused. Is OP unable to walk or open a car door? How did he leave her in a car as being described here? Why wasn’t she able to get out of the car? Why wasn’t she able to think for herself or make her own choices? The posts on this thread make it seem as though she has severe cognitive and physical disabilities where he put her in a car and left her there all day, and she has no more capacity than a plant or an infant to move herself or think for herself.

poefaced · 06/12/2022 11:37

musingsinmidlife · 06/12/2022 11:20

I am confused. Is OP unable to walk or open a car door? How did he leave her in a car as being described here? Why wasn’t she able to get out of the car? Why wasn’t she able to think for herself or make her own choices? The posts on this thread make it seem as though she has severe cognitive and physical disabilities where he put her in a car and left her there all day, and she has no more capacity than a plant or an infant to move herself or think for herself.

Show quote history

She had the capacity to decide she wanted to wait in a warm car for 2 hours.

What she didn’t expect is that he would almost 3 hours and keep her waiting so he could take pictures.

DashboardConfessional · 06/12/2022 12:57

In the town I work in, the gym is on an industrial estate a couple of miles out of town. There's not really anywhere to walk to, nor is there pavement - just the single lane A-road. I can totally see a scenario where once the driver had left the car you'd be stuck. I just cannot imagine not saying "No, drop me off at Costa/the pub/the shopping centre." Even a big supermarket would have a café!

JamSandwichWithNutella · 06/12/2022 13:00

I think you must know he’s not the one for you.

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