for being moody about being left in the car for hours by DP?

[stylishelish]

Me and my boyfriend live in different cities so we see each other at the weekends and sometimes in the week. He drives to see me, but I don’t drive so he either picks me up or I get trains to his city and stay over for however long. He’s really good to me like that, he will let me stay at his for days and then wake up early to drive me to work (which is about a 1.5 hour drive from his) before he goes to work. I’m really happy generally and I think he is too.

This week I travelled to see him on the train. I was only staying two nights because of work but he was on annual leave all week. He picked me up from the station & then he said he had to run a few errands. That took about an hour or so and it was nearly midnight by the time he was done. When he had finished he just went to bed because he was shattered.

The next two days were hectic - he is in between two houses so sorting a lot of stuff out and nowhere really were we can both stay comfortably. So a lot of the time, he was driving between his old house and new house moving stuff like furniture etc., and so I couldn’t really stay in either place during the day. So I had to sit in the car. I did try and help as much as possible but I got the impression I wasn’t helping so much, and his brother was there helping so I felt a bit like a spare part. So spent most of the time in the car.

At the end of the 2 days he said we’d go for a nice meal because (in his words) “you’ve been in the car these last 2 days like a dog”. So I thought it would be a nice end to an otherwise quite boring few days. I waited and then he said he was going to a personal training session from 6-8 but was I okay to wait in the car? I said okay reluctantly but said I really didn’t want to be late back. He said he wouldn’t be over 2 hours.

I listened to a podcast just waited. He was actually late back (he came back to the car 840) and said it was because his personal trainer (who I know) wanted to put videos of him on his Instagram 🙄

I was just a bit quiet when he came back and said “I don’t think we’ve spent that much time together that’s all”

He said I was selfish and he would have to have a think about whether he wanted to continue the relationship.

i did agree to sit in the car, but I was passive aggressive really wasn’t I?

I cannot see this as his fault

Well, I can, because it is. OP was a bit too passive but was put in a difficult position. He's either very disorganised, or controlling, or selfish. Maybe all of the above. Did he just want you over for sex once he'd moved, while treating you with disdain the rest of the time, OP? I'd ditch him.

Yes, this happened to me too once on holiday with my ex and his friends. They had gone into the supermarket and DD was asleep. They took over two hours by which time she had woken up, and we had to sit and wait. I had no keys to lock the car and it was before the days of using your mobile overseas. Then I was presented with my share of the bill for a whole load of food and drink I had had no share in choosing. Honestly, if I had had MN in those days, and known what I know now, it would have saved a lot of problems.

Sounds like he engineered this whole thing to kick start a fight.

Sorry op

Where does he live?

Could you not have got out of the car to help ? Or gone shopping / gallery/ museum / library / walk / gym/ shopping. Said no. I'm going home?

You sat in the car of your own volition waiting for a man to do his stuff.

🤷‍♀️

Leave OP alone.

There aren't many of us who haven't been made use of at one time or another - all we can do is urge her to see what he is doing, require her self-respect, and learn from this.

You've been a bit of a drama queen really. You've gone to visit him at a spectacularly inconvenient time, been as much use as a chocolate teapot, and are annoyed because it's not all about you.

I'm inclined to agree with the posters suggesting he's trying to get you to break up with him by pissing you off. If not he's spectacularly inconsiderate and useless.

Did he not mention to you beforehand that he was going to be really busy? If he didn’t, that’s weird if him. If he did and neither of you had worked out a plan for helping him move house, I’d have stayed away this week.

I suspect that most of the unkind posts are from posters who haven't bothered to read the OP's updates.

More fool you for sitting there TBH.

Did you keep the car running all that time

You say that you've sat in his car waiting for him loads of times.
Why?

The new house had no electricity and yet the OP miraculously 'hoovered the new house' ... with the solar powered hoover ???

I suggest instead of being a passive person waiting to be told what to do . You ;
Get a spine. -You don't HAVE to do things someone else suggests.

Get some agency over your own life. - Bored with the Agenda? Do something else. Most men are more interested by a partner who is independent and has their own plans rather than just being available. Would your boyfriend.. in a million years -of agreed to sit in a car and wait for YOU to have a 2.40 hr Gym session ? No of course not. You (and I) would regard that as real pushover - material.

Get some opinions. -No thanks - if you are going to the gym for 2 hours drop me at the train . If you value my company you would not wish to behave in such an inconsiderate way. It doesn't matter 'if he wants me too' .. you don't ! So the answer is No !

This...

I'd be majorly pissed off that he hadn't mentioned he was moving before I travelled... Presumably he didn't just decide to move on the morning.... 😁👀

So you either knew you were helping/being volunteered .... Or sitting in the car like a dog.... Either of these is want to to make the choice.... Not have it foisted upon me.

He is massively massively selfish...... Who arranges a personal training session where their guest doesn't have somewhere fun to go?? FOR TWO SODDING HOURS.... AND THEN ADDS ANOTHER 40 MIBS ON??

No guest of mine be expected to wait in a CAR ever... Unless it was literally 5 minutes
I was massively apologetic when I had to have a rearranged dental appt when I had guests staying.... This took 30 mins out of my day.... And I then texted them when it was 15 mins delayed.... (they were havjfb a fine time in the pub with cocktails.....).

My guess this is quite usual with him.... Entitled.... He's probably acted exactly the same with othet GF.... The little women expected to wait around to service his needs...

Well I’d have been mightily unimpressed. The part where he was an additional 40 mins late out of the gym because his trainer wanted to put photos on Instagram? Pffft…shows where he’s at and it’s not concerned with you.

I’d be expecting an apology for a shit weekend…not having it turned on me.

This ^

No decent bf would invite you over with no where decent to stay, booked a PT session and run loads of errands. He wanted you to get so peeved off that you'd dump him so he doesn't look like the bad guy.

I am trying to work out what new houses do not have electricity? Unless you self build maybe but you'd get electricity sorted before it got signed off.

No way. No how. Not in this life time. Not the next. Would I put up with this treatment.

He wants to honk about the relationship?
I'd have said immediately, what relationship? And that would be the last time he saw me.

I wouldn't have hung around once I felt like a spare part anyway, I'd have made my home and realised it's more bother than it's worth. Find a BF nearer home or have a Womaniser delivered by LH.. but, I am too old for that shit, ain't no one treating me like an after thought. If you want my time, you better damn well be prepared to give me yours.

It sounds like he isn't that interested in you any more. No one treats someone like that when they love them. But I wouldn't have sat in a car all weekend either. You should have got out and about or gone home. It sounds like you rely on him too much and maybe you have him the ick.

I think you have been unreasonable by letting him treat you so poorly. If I were you, I'd break up with him and work on self worth and boundaries. You could have gone to the cinema/museum/pub/cafe. I just don't understand for the life of me why you would sit in a car for hours on end. Not only is this an unhealthy relationship but your passivity about taking control of your own life is not healthy.

exactly this.

He doesn't sound like a great catch. When I was dating my dh he wouldn't have gone to a PT session if I was up to see him, he'd have rescheduled. You had come up a long way. He also shouldn't have asked you up if he was hoping to be running errands all day. Why does he get to make all the decisions? Value yourself and ditch him.

For a long distance relationship to go the distance, there has to be real power and connection in the love between you. There is just nothing between you, is there? Is it just sex and habit? If you want a family life and or husband - you are wasting your time with this guy. It's better to be single than waste time with a man when it's obviously going nowhere.

@stylishelish Never mind what he's thinking - you ought to be the one who's "having a think about whether you want to be in this relationship" (clue: the answer is no).