for being moody about being left in the car for hours by DP?

[stylishelish]

Me and my boyfriend live in different cities so we see each other at the weekends and sometimes in the week. He drives to see me, but I don’t drive so he either picks me up or I get trains to his city and stay over for however long. He’s really good to me like that, he will let me stay at his for days and then wake up early to drive me to work (which is about a 1.5 hour drive from his) before he goes to work. I’m really happy generally and I think he is too.

This week I travelled to see him on the train. I was only staying two nights because of work but he was on annual leave all week. He picked me up from the station & then he said he had to run a few errands. That took about an hour or so and it was nearly midnight by the time he was done. When he had finished he just went to bed because he was shattered.

The next two days were hectic - he is in between two houses so sorting a lot of stuff out and nowhere really were we can both stay comfortably. So a lot of the time, he was driving between his old house and new house moving stuff like furniture etc., and so I couldn’t really stay in either place during the day. So I had to sit in the car. I did try and help as much as possible but I got the impression I wasn’t helping so much, and his brother was there helping so I felt a bit like a spare part. So spent most of the time in the car.

At the end of the 2 days he said we’d go for a nice meal because (in his words) “you’ve been in the car these last 2 days like a dog”. So I thought it would be a nice end to an otherwise quite boring few days. I waited and then he said he was going to a personal training session from 6-8 but was I okay to wait in the car? I said okay reluctantly but said I really didn’t want to be late back. He said he wouldn’t be over 2 hours.

I listened to a podcast just waited. He was actually late back (he came back to the car 840) and said it was because his personal trainer (who I know) wanted to put videos of him on his Instagram 🙄

I was just a bit quiet when he came back and said “I don’t think we’ve spent that much time together that’s all”

He said I was selfish and he would have to have a think about whether he wanted to continue the relationship.

i did agree to sit in the car, but I was passive aggressive really wasn’t I?

I’m wondering this tbh.

I did say when he mentioned the gym session that it was probably best if I went home, but he said no I want to take you home so you don’t have to get the train, and I want to spend time with you and have dinner.

I did help with the house move as far as I could. I guess I could have done more cleaning but he told me not to as he’s keeping the old house anyway so it didn’t need to be “done”

He doesn’t live in a well connected place so things like getting Ubers/trains are way more difficult than in London. That’s why he picks me up from the station etc. so when we both decided that we’d like to get dinner and then he’d take me home it kinda removed the decision to get a train home, as it was unlikely I’d get a way back. I also didn’t want it to look like I was flouncing off or being arsey.

I don’t think I would have even cared but him being 40 minutes late, calling me selfish and the dog comment made me upset. He also said “you’ve waited for me in the car loads of times, why are you kicking off now?”

Have you, waited in the car for him loads? Do you have parents or anyone in real life who can help you stop behaving like this?

Obviously I didn’t run the heater for 2 hours.

If I was trolling, I’d be much more imaginative. If you read my post, my boyfriend doesn’t live in London.

How could you hoover his new place? You said that there was no electricity?

He sounds very much as if he could take you or leave you. His comments sound unpleasant. I don’t think this one will last long term, from what you’ve said.

You didn’t know he was moving? Don’t you talk about things like this? It’s quite a major event in a person’s life.

How did you hoover the new place? You said it had no electricity.

This. Do you roll over when someone tells you to or do you have an opinion.

Because the hoover was charged at his old house

How did you not know he was moving?

It’s hard to tell if he was just too silly to realise he didn’t actually have time to see you this weekend or if this is a pattern of him not really having time for you.

I think you need to find your voice. If you don’t want to wait in the car, say so.

I did know he was moving - just not when I went. He didn’t mention he’d be doing that. He’s had the keys for a while, and like I said, he’s keeping his old house so there was no rush/urgency to move.

So he invited you round even though he was moving house , the first night he ran errands and the 2nd booked a training session.
are you absolutely sure you were invited? Are you sure it wasn’t come if you want .
id bd absolutely fuming that he was running errands on the first night without telling me , I’d be even more annoyed at the house move without telling me and I’d have exploded at the training session. The final straw would have been re think the relationship comment .
op sorry your a complete and utter doormat he has no respect for you . Stop being one of those people that you expect others to figure out this is not ok instead of speaking up .
tell him your the one re thinking the relationship for treating you like this . He’s in the wrong for his poor communication and lack of respect but you are also in the wrong for a not communicating your feelings , not standing up for yourself and actually not telling him to fuck off when he said re think the relationship.

Surely he only needed to leave a few items in old house - bean bag and tv and kettle and it would have been fine to wait there for him?

He sounds very thoughtless really.

I think he is pathetic for inviting you over on such a busy weekend . He’s either incredibly stupid or he’s yanking your chain to see how gullible you are

Sounds to me he wants his cake and all that

YANBU if you didn't know he would be busy all the time and he ditched you for a gym session after leaving you in the car all day!
why aren't YOU reevaluating the relationship??

So he didn't need to do any of the moving stuff whilst you were there but he chose to do it. He expects you to sit in the car and wait about for him; and somehow you've let him think this is acceptable.
Tbh when he said he was going to the PT after the dog comment, I'd have said I was going home. If he really wanted to spend time with you, he'd have prioritised it. I was thinking it was maybe just a busy weekend because of the move but you say he commented you're usually happy to just sit about in the car so it seems this is how he regularly treats you. He's an arse.

How is a car warmer than a cafe? After being parked for 10/15 minutes, the car isnt warm anymore. Or did you keep the engine running for 2 hours and 40 minutes to keep the heater on? If you did, then you're the worst one in this story.

You sound so passive and just behaved stupidly. You sat in a car for over 2 hours rather than find something to do, running the engine to stay warm because you thought it would be more comfortable than taking yourself out for a coffee to warm cafe?

The pair of you just sound dim.

You should have just gone home. He's treating you like a toy.

He was moving house, had a load of errands to run and a two hour training session but invited you down anyway? Does sound a bit dim to me. Yanbu to be pissed off. I'd ask him what he was thinking.

I would’ve felt the same about being dropped at a cafe and him being 40 minutes late. I think it was inconsiderate.

PT sessions don't take 2 hours 40 mins! Even if his PT wanted to do videos, your boyfriend should have just said sorry mate, my girlfriend is waiting. He's taking the piss and you are being a doormat.

You are clearly not a priority for this oaf.