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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When you get very very old...

219 replies

Redandgreenribbons · 27/11/2022 21:33

...What is your plan?

I mean when you are in your late years like in your late 80s or 90s(if you lucky enough to reach this age).

I am wondering when and if you have about your days that you may be unable to cook, to shop, to bath.

And to make it harder, let's assume that you don't have anymore your other half to support you.

Even if you own a house and you get a pension, will it be enough? Will you be financially sustainable to live a decent life before your end if you are unable to look after yourself?

What is your plan? This thought really worries me although I am still very young...

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 27/11/2022 21:35

I’ll see what happens if I get there, no point worrying about something that might not happen.

feministqueen · 27/11/2022 21:36

I would hope that (god willing) I have the sense to move to a manageable sized home for my health and age before I am in a position where I can't manage.

My plan would be to downsize my home in my 60s to something with a much smaller garden and less bedrooms. I won't need the space nor require the work of maintaining a larger house. That's for the younger folk!

Keep the place decluttered and keep active as much as possible. That's pretty much my plan!

parietal · 27/11/2022 21:37

dementia is common in my family - care home which means save as much as possible to pay for a good one.

CherrySocks · 27/11/2022 21:37

Why are you worrying about this now, OP?

MissyB1 · 27/11/2022 21:38

I will be in one of those retirement flats in a complex, nice swimming pool, cafe, and assistance if you need it. Just have to win the lottery first 😂

user143677433 · 27/11/2022 21:40

I plan to move to a retirement community in my early 80s. Nice community and assistance on-site.

Threadkillacilla · 27/11/2022 21:40

Retirement village nearby. I would go now if I could.

RelentlessForwardProgress · 27/11/2022 21:45

One side of my family soldiered on in their own home with carers coming in and out, the other side sold up and moved into a retirement flat in a block that also had care available. The ones in their own home ended left a much bigger estate when they died, the ones that moved into a retirement flat basically spent most of their money (retirement flat had steep management fees and also a sort of clawback agreement, whereby, when it was sold on a hefty percentage went back to the developer).

From my experience, I would say the couple who moved into a retirement block had a much better quality of life in their final years. The block was very cosy and well run with activities and a nice dining room with cooked meals they could opt into on an ad hoc basis. And the caring team were onsite and always around for emergencies. The couple who stayed in their own home had long periods where they would be alone, would struggle with getting basic things done and had a house that was too much for them. They took a lot of pride in being able to pass on their home to their children, but honestly, I feel it would have been better if they had used their money to improve the last few years they had left.

KangarooKenny · 27/11/2022 21:45

Be aware of retirement flats, a couple of people I know have struggled to sell them on.

Moosehead11 · 27/11/2022 21:45

OP - are you the poster who posted under a different user name a few days ago asking about how people without children will cope without said children to look after them when they are old? And other posts about elderly people needing care?
If so, there is something very wrong with the way you keep finding different ways to post the same type of question.

Fairislefandango · 27/11/2022 21:46

I have no plan
No point in wasting your good years worrying about things you can't do anything about!

HintofVintagePink · 27/11/2022 21:48

I hope to pass away in my own home in my bed surrounded by my children. The thought of being in a care home when I love my own home and space so much scares me.

However, I’m also a realist.
-25% of my salary goes to my pension (I’m late 30s),
-we overpay as much as we can on the mortgage -DH and I both have generous death in service benefits and we are each other’s beneficiaries.

We had DC young and plan to cut loose and travel when they’re independent.

If we’re blessed enough to get that old, we’ve agreed we will downsize the house when we can’t manage or need to pay care home fees.

My GPs are still living in their own home at 85 and 87. I just wish I get that far.

Hellocatshome · 27/11/2022 21:49

I have no plan. What will be will be but based on family history I will be unaware of whats happening way before my late 80s.

Suzi888 · 27/11/2022 21:51

Would hope to stay in my own home with carers if need be. Or Dignitas. Hope the law changes- IF I decide I’ve had enough I’d like to make my own choice to have a dignified departure at a time of my choosing.
DM is 80, riddled with arthritis, bone on bone- won’t have an op or take medication but she’s actually very chipper and determined.

chikp · 27/11/2022 21:51

I'm screwed so will just be miserable

OnlyFannys · 27/11/2022 21:55

I'm 36, i feel like so much could change by then if i even make it that far that i really cant try and make.any kind of plan right now. As others have said I will find appropriate housing and declutter to make it easier to maintain but otherwise I'm going to evaluate it as I go. In the meantime I will try and ensure I have a healthy pension waiting for me

Summerfun54321 · 27/11/2022 21:55

Why are you worrying about the end of your life if you’re young? Just concentrate on making the most of life’s opportunities and see where you’re at at the end. Life is way too uncertain to be able to predict when and how your final years will be.

lollipoprainbow · 27/11/2022 21:55

Considering my nan, aunt and mum died of dementia I'd expect me to go the same way. Goodo.

user1471453601 · 27/11/2022 21:57

I'm in my 70s but I'm quite frail, due to previous I'll health. Anyway, I've got quite a few adaptations, stair lift, shower chair, rollator, walking stick, grab stick ect. With my daughter's help I manage.

I choose to stay alive because my end of service salary contributes enormously to our upkeep. Daughter,her much loved partner and I share a house. The deal is that I pay bills, they physically help me. I get the better end of that deal

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 27/11/2022 21:57

I plan to continue riding horses for as long as possible. If I think I am getting to the stage of being incapable of having a happy and fulfilling life I'll start riding the crazy ones!

LittIe · 27/11/2022 22:01

I have plenty of money to fund me to a ripe old age.

Figure climate change will take me out before I need it.

Moosehead11 · 27/11/2022 22:01

Summerfun54321 · 27/11/2022 21:55

Why are you worrying about the end of your life if you’re young? Just concentrate on making the most of life’s opportunities and see where you’re at at the end. Life is way too uncertain to be able to predict when and how your final years will be.

The op isn’t in the least bit worried. She is being goady. She’s posted similar things before.
You’re all being lovely though and posting sensible responses so perhaps it doesn’t matter.

DinaofCloud9 · 27/11/2022 22:02

I have a weird feeling I won't live past 60s so I never think about it.

Malabarhouse · 27/11/2022 22:03

I was a hospital discharge social worker for 30 years. I have written hundreds of care plans and been into many nursing homes, retirement blocks etc.
I intend to stay at home, eat my own weight in chocolate and break my neck falling down my stairs. I will never go into any kind of home. Ever.

littlepeas · 27/11/2022 22:04

I already know I will be very, very stubborn about staying in my own home. I can’t stand the idea of not being able to look after myself.