When you get very very old...

[Redandgreenribbons]

...What is your plan?

I mean when you are in your late years like in your late 80s or 90s(if you lucky enough to reach this age).

I am wondering when and if you have about your days that you may be unable to cook, to shop, to bath.

And to make it harder, let's assume that you don't have anymore your other half to support you.

Even if you own a house and you get a pension, will it be enough? Will you be financially sustainable to live a decent life before your end if you are unable to look after yourself?

What is your plan? This thought really worries me although I am still very young...

I will enjoy every day as much as I can for as long as I can.

Always keep a bottle of pills and some hennessy handy. That's what I'll do.

Only read if you want to know depressing bits about using Dignitas please.

I'm disabled and used to be a member as did my friend.
If you're serious, please do your homework. It's not as simple as you may think, unless you're a Swiss resident. It's very expensive and fraught with problems for others accompanying you including around disposal of the body. (Pre-agree cremation to make simpler)

We have a rose tinted view of Dignitas here, that doesn't match the reality. Not their fault particularly, It's more controversial there than is publicized, so they have issues with premises, and sometimes struggle getting services such as body collection etc.

Current set up is on an industrial estate though they've tried to make it pretty, but quiet it isn't.

You can't just make an appointment and turn up, so most foreigners are advised to end their lives before they need to, to ensure success.

Many don't realize all it is, is a very expensive way of committing suicide on camera, by drinking (very bitter) barbiturates unassisted and unattended. Assuming procedure unchanged, it has to be done early morning for efficiency in reporting your suicide to police, so funeral directors can collect the body, and Dignitas can provide evidence that it was planned suicide not spur of the moment.
Anyone accompanying you needs to be ready to be detained or arrested on return here. (Swiss authorities notify ours) Though the nature of Dignitas having been used, means they are unlikely to face more than being initially put through procedures such as searches, swabs, cell etc, prior to questioning and release, but traumatic for some especially if grieving and not expecting it.
Not quite the peaceful scenario most think about, either for the person dying or those accompanying.

I'm not seeking to put anyone off using them, just suggesting those who are serious, really do their homework so they understand what they need to be able to do, when, over what time frame, that it can be quite rushed, what can happen to others, and exactly how much money they need to have.

All of which is just to effectively achieve social respectability in making a choice to commit suicide.
Cheaper, more comfortable ways of achieving the same results do exist.

Thank you for that detailed, interesting, if depressing account @Elleherd

Also interesting reading @Elleherd, though I’m aware of most of it.

I live in social housing on benefits (ill health). I’m early 60s. So I’ll be living on benefits when I’m very very old I assume! Unless a well off relative leaves me money.

I think the financial side won’t matter very much then as I expect I’ll be very limited healthwise as to what I can do anyway. So I don’t care about the money side of things (though would have enjoyed a garden - never had one - if that had ever been available 🪴).

Healthwise, I don’t want to “hang on” especially. I don’t have any more screening check ups or take drugs I consider unnecessary eg statins, even though my GP practice is obsessed with getting me on them for no good reason as far as I can see (I’ve looked into it). I do try and travel a little now, but can see some of my energy flagging even more (though alot of this is health rather than age related). I have no loving family so don’t feel duty bound to hang around for their sake after 70 and they need my support less.

I guess the main thing I’m focusing on is the next decade.

Mum always used to say “if I get like Nan, you have to tell me”. The thing is, she isn’t like her mother and if I do tell her she is being unreasonable, she thinks she isn’t…. (Currently she is abusive to a certain person in her care facility). Management have even had words with her.
so my plan is hopefully dementia will or is to be classed as a terminal illness. I was recently told (not in the uk) of a friend of a friend who had legal medical help to be euthanised being terminally ill.

This seems a sensible solution and I’m going to try to have it included in a legal living will.

My mother is 94 and lives in her own home; my husband is 64 and is moving into extra care accommodation. We really don't know what the future holds, so my plan is just to stay as healthy as I can, and retain as much independence as possible.

Well said 👍

Posters who are saying you’ll be stubborn about receiving help/leaving your own home in the event of not being able to manage, have you communicated this to the young people who will have to worry themselves sick and work a double shift, probably with DC to look after and a full-time job, to keep you ‘independent’?

A care home is not for me

I can already identify some of dc’s friends and know dc have been out with them from the smell on dc’s clothes.

All those old bodies in close proximity. Even if one of them is mine. Is not for me.

People my age I thought were too old for me 20 years ago. Recently started to put some distance between me and a 45 years old as she was starting to get really too old .
My family tend to either get Parkinsons (usually pre 60 years old) or the men have a massive heart attack in their 70s or one branch of the family live very independently growing their own vegetables right up to their deaths at 100+ (All women and all vegetarian)

Reading @Kennykenkencat strange and distasteful post I am reminded of Somerset Maugham’s words : “How ugly most people are! It’s a pity they don’t try to make up for it by being agreeable”. Definitely time for me to take another long break from MN.

Reading @Kennykenkencat strange and distasteful post I am reminded of Somerset Maugham’s words : “How ugly most people are! It’s a pity they don’t try to make up for it by being agreeable”. Definitely time for me to take a long break from MN.

@Kennykenkencat that’s a weird and unpleasant post. Who is this 45-year-old you are distancing yourself from? A family member, friend? I think maybe you need to take a long hard look at your values.

I’m planning to have so much fun I don’t live that long 😂 seriously, I’d be 90 in 2079, planet will be fucked by then, I’m hoping it doesn’t come to it tbh….

As part of my job I see loads of people in this situation. many of them can't really walk far to get out but can potter around the house enough to get by. there are a lot of older people looking after a spouse that is in worse health, often with some help from family popping in or care agencies. Quite a lot of older people have meals delivered like Wiltshire farm meals and have shopping delivered. I help a lot of older people to claim Attendance Allowance and all they go on about when I am helping fill in the form for them is that they can no longer do their garden and do the hoovering and have to pay for a cleaner and gardener ! I do have to gently tell them that AA is only awarded based on difficulties with care needs but that they can spent the money on what they like. May many of the older folk I see have sensibly downsized to bungalows or retirement complexes, the rest often have stair lifts put in or if mobility has suddenly decreased they have a spare room downstairs that they are using for a bedroom. many are in the process of having walk in showers or wet rooms put in. many older ladies go to the local hairdressers once a week to have their hair washed as it has become difficult to do themselves or hairdresser comes to them. I have one old lady recently who wasn't coping for many months alone, oven had packed up, hoarding problems etc but was able to get to the local cafe and had all her meals there. There are a lot of people who have no relatives close by but have great neighbours ( often elderly themselves) who look out for them, get shopping for them etc. It kind of restores my faith in humans when I hear what some neighbours/ church friends etc do for others.

My DGM is 95. She lives fully independently in her own bungalow. She is able to take care of all her personal needs and dies her own cleaning etc. she still gets out and about locally. Family pop in most days to visit and so do neighbours (they are mostly retired on her road).

I agree with others the plan has to be to move to a flat manageable property like a bungalow in an area with a similar demographics.

We have lots of savings and a good pension, but apart from my granny, no-one else in my family has ever got past 75!
DH’s family on the other hand, live forever. They all seem to be mid - 90s.

Haha… didn’t realize this was an old thread until I read a very sensible post and realized it was mine! 😉

asking a question here for my own knowledge since I don’t have any first hand knowledge. Are care homes in the UK that bad? In the US there are great ones all the way down to horrible ones. But most fall to the good side of the spectrum. Is that not the case in your area?

Some homes are much better than others.