When you get very very old...

[Redandgreenribbons]

...What is your plan?

I mean when you are in your late years like in your late 80s or 90s(if you lucky enough to reach this age).

I am wondering when and if you have about your days that you may be unable to cook, to shop, to bath.

And to make it harder, let's assume that you don't have anymore your other half to support you.

Even if you own a house and you get a pension, will it be enough? Will you be financially sustainable to live a decent life before your end if you are unable to look after yourself?

What is your plan? This thought really worries me although I am still very young...

I struggle to do some of those things currently and I'm in my 40s and I don't have a partner. I'm autistic and daily living isn't something that I can take for granted.

You will cope because we have too and if you are a really nice person and are nice to your friends, family, neighbours etc then people will look out for you.

I'll most likely be dead by my 70s. Joys of being disabled. 😂

I'm sure my kids will stick me in a care home by my 60s though.

Same. I'm single and childless and see it being that way for the foreseeable, I don't own a home and see it being that way for the foreseeable.

I guess if you force me to predict, I see myself working until I drop dead.

I work in elderly care and a lot of my patients are in their 90's. They nearly all still have passion for life and interest in what is going on. Most of them have already planned their funerals (and paid for them) and like to compare hymns and readings they have chosen - it sounds morbid but the gales of laughter tell me otherwise. One lady told me that each year after 90 is a new chapter, and she has learned to adapt to the ageing process, to accept help when it is offered, to use a walking frame to reduce her falls risk, to pay for a cleaner etc etc

That's how I intend to live my life should I live to a ripe old age - adapting my house as I go along, and still taking enjoyment in the little things.

We took care of this some years ago.
We live on the ground floor, very comfortable well designed well maintained and insulated home. Two bathrooms one of which has a bidet beside the loo. The other has a large walk-in shower with a fold down seat and grab bars; room to drive in a wheelchair and be washed by a carer.
We have bus stops and pharmacy within level walking distance, the pharmacy has a delivery service for the housebound.Dr and hospital within 2 miles (taxi-affordable). We 've been having weekly online shopping orders delivered by Tesco since lockdown began.
No debts, no mortgage, outgoings lower than pension incomes. Plus enough invested stashed cash to pay for carers.

All in their 80s and most in their 90s live fully independently in our villages. I think we need to dispel the myth that all over 75 are dotty and need carers. Just returned from a short cruise where plenty of 80/90 year olds were ballroom dancing the night away.

There should, of course, be planning for retirement and increasing age. That means financial planning, ensuring housing is able to be adapted, if necessary (room for a stairlift, heating other than log burners, roof in good condition etc). We need to ensure we have a social support network to help us adjust to losses.

More than anything we need a will, an LPA and advanced care directive.

If you’ve ever seen the film Little Miss Sunshine I’m going out with a bang like the Grandad. I’m off to take hallucinogenic drug till I croak it

Having seen how very elderly relatives have been in their last few years, I occasionally research alternatives.

I'm hoping that the laws on assisted death will have changed by then.

My mil’s father was working until he was 90 he had his own business and was a builder (from pictures he certainly didn’t look 90) and by all accounts kept himself fit and ate well rather than ate a lot. (Mil was the same)
He smoked cigars and had a large whisky in the evening. When he died at nearly 100 (heart attack) mil who had a difficult relationship with him and hadn’t been to his house for years found he was living with his long term gf who was late 40s and her teen age children.

Christ, who knows! You can’t predict the future. What you imagine you want now might look very different in 40-odd year’s time. I suppose it’s good to have a fairly loose idea of what “comfortable” may look like but so many variables come into play. Don’t forget to live in the moment

Wasn't there a case recently where a woman in her 30s who had suffered from Depression all her life, went to Dignitas?

It was the Netherlands

amp.theguardian.com/society/2018/mar/17/assisted-dying-euthanasia-netherlands

I wonder if it wasn’t depression but ADHD (part of the description resonates with me)

This type of thing makes me feel very scared for the future. I have been left in severe pain for years because doctors misdiagnosed me and the pain was so bad it left me suicidal. I wonder if I would be here now if we had such lax laws.

I'll stay on HRT to reduce my chances of having to have assisted living, being frail and suffering from bone loss etc.

Far better than worrying about it when it's too late!

… and ogling the pool boy. 🤣

laughed heartily at that but no fart this time need time get in training for the senior years plan.....

I am 73! I've never had a plan as such but I have sufficient funds to pay for home care if I need it. I would like to downsize and have everything on one floor; maybe next year I will achieve that but obviously it has to be the right place and near to where I live now.

Nothing to add really. I wish you a long and healthy life, op.

My grandmothers and mother all lived in their own homes until short illnesses ended their lives at an advanced age, so I hope it will be the same for me. I expect I’d move to a nice flat or smaller house if I was 80 +. I’ve worked in the care sector and would dread living in a care home or retirement complex. I don’t think my requirement for loose leaf tea in a teapot would go down too well at the care home, I’m far too fussy for that life.

I plan to do myself in, I can not imagine becoming incompetent, incontinent or incapacitated and being content with it.

How will you do it? I’d like a nice big overdose of heroin but have no idea where or how I’d get my hands on it.

I have one DD and won’t have more children, I don’t want her to be burdened with my care so probably will move to retirement flat if I’m fit enough or care home if not. I don’t think I’d like being in a care home but even if DD is willing and able to care for me I want her to be free to live her own life.

Saying that my husband’s grandmother is 84 and still lives alone in a small house and does everything for herself, goes on daily walks etc. His other grandmother needed care for years and refused to accept carers so his dad (one of three children) gave up work to care for her full time. Her other two sons did nothing at all.

I'm in my 60s, and live by myself. My plan, such as it is, is to live in my reasonably sized, but hard to downsize from, house until I can't manage the stairs. I've just about got enough pension to pay for someone to clean and someone else to garden, when those two things becomes necessary. When I can't manage the stairs, I'll then sell my house and use the proceeds to fund a retirement flat/nursing home/whatever. I'm sorry that this means my heirs won't get anything, but they'll get what's left in the pension fund. Obviously this plan will fail if I lose my marbles and can't make sensible decisions.

I go into multiple care homes daily due to my job and i know i would never want to move into one - unless i have dementia that has advanced then i will not care. Some people with dementia are permanently distressed as they do not know where they others, other sit and stare at a TV all day.

However, many people with dementia are living their best lives ever in care homes as they no longer give a damn about societal norms and expectations. I could tell so many wonderful stories of 99 year olds behaving badly.

Having had some kind of "dementia" type feeling and cognitive problems after my head injury and post concussion syndrome, I think most people wouldn't want to survive being incapacitated mentally. It's horrendous. Just the feeling of a empty head and slowed thinking following my TBI was awful, and even now I get similar things in my head as I approach perimenopause that scare me. I was lucky to be able to read properly again after I had mild aphasia after the injury too, but I'd have been devastated if I'd never regained that ability; my career as an editor and writer obviously relied on my skills.

I think being neurologically unwell is so much worse than a physical illness but I know this does depend on what the cause is too. It's a subjective view about these problems and which is worse though, I know.

I'm definitely very interested in euthanasia if it's ever legalised in this country in my lifetime. If it isn't, I'll be off to Switzerland with a one-way ticket.