To have told 42 year old sister she’s not “suffering from infertility”

[Hellother111111]

Name change as outing (family use this site)

So backstory, me (40) and my sister (42) have a younger half sister (30) from our Dads side. She’s been struggling with infertility for years and our Dad is paying for her to have IVF. Older sister is very angry, unhappy, bitter over this. I’ve been avoiding her for months because it’s all she talks about. I don’t understand what her problem is.

I have one child (5), my older sister has three children (9, 5, 4) we have both been blessed to have gotten pregnant easily and I feel awful for our younger sister and want her to have a chance of being a parent aswell.

Anyway older sister decided a year ago she wants a fourth, and after a year of trying it hasn’t happened. I feel bad for her but she already has three so she’s not in the desperate situation our younger sister is.

Older sister phoned me today, kept going on and on and on about how unfair it is our sister is getting free IVF, that she’s also going through infertility and that no one cares about her. I said “people do care but you aren’t in the same situation as our sister, you have three kids! And most people can’t get pregnant into their forties, it’s completely normal” she went absolutely ballistic at me, hung up, sent me ten abusive texts in a row I cba to read.

Maybe I should have worded things more tactfully but she’s irritating me a lot with treatment of our younger sister, she’s going behind our backs to our Dad nagging him over this in the hopes he won’t pay for it. She’s trying to sabotage her having a baby. I’m just sad about the whole thing. Maybe I’m in the wrong. AIBU?

Yanbu your older sister is being a mean cow. Sorry no advice but you were right to pull her up on it.

You're absolutely NOT in the wrong.

Your sister is an insensitive twat.

You were 100% right to say that. She sounds completely selfish and thoughtless.

YANBU. Of COURSE you (42 y.o.) sister is being unreasonable. She already has 3 children. Also, why on EARTH does she want to have a baby at 43?!

Your sister doesn’t sound like much of a sister!
What you said was true and fair.
Stick to your guns and stick with your other sister. Hopefully having you on her side helps a little.

YANBU.

She is not infertile- 3 kids proves that.

Your sister is acting like a jealous child

Of course YANBU!

I have a tiny newborn IVF baby and even though I’d need IVF to attempt to have any more children, already I feel that having a child is very different to the hopeless despair of being childless and suffering infertility.

I wish your younger sister the best of luck with her IVF. It’s a gruelling process.

Is it three of the same sex? Is that the issue? Is she desperate for a boy/girl?

That’s really awful of your older sister.

She has 3 children and is trying to block her own sister having any children at all?

I would struggle to even speak to her tbh.

Your sister sounds really mean. Is she someone who loves being centre of attention?

Does she believe that your younger sister has had more favourable treatment in other areas. More of her father's time, attention, love and money.

Is it not really about the ivf but about unfair treatment, or perception therefore, for decades.

It’s absolutely not the same thing & you were right to pull her up on it. Is there some sort of weird jealousy going on? It seems like a very extreme reaction.

No you were right, it's a completely different situation.

And? If that's the case the needs therapy not another baby.

God you’re not BU at all!

I’m betting older sister has 3 boys.

God, she’s so silly

YANBU at all.

Your sister is being very cruel. I would say to her you're no long discussing her fertility with her as your efforts want to be concentrated on your younger sister. Say you will be happy if she announces a pregnancy but until then you don't want to know.
And No she isn't suffering of anything, she's 42 and has 3 children already.

YANBU at all.

Your sister is acting like a spoilt brat, she needs to focus on the children she has and be happy! She's definitely not "infertile" though how insensitive.

I can just imagine what my 26 year old sister who’s had 3 failed rounds of IVF would say to me if I, a 36 year old with 3 kids started pissing and moaning about “struggling to have a fourth”.

If we had a third sibling who was doing this, I’d be ripping them a new arsehole, walking away every time they bring it up, and ensuring our father is not guilted out of paying for it.

You are right.

She is a nasty, stupid bitch.

Does she really want a child or is she competing for attention and the money your dard is spending

What's suddenly changed with your older sister - is this 'I want a 4th' (which is fucking insanity, if you ask me) because of your younger sister and her IVF?

Your older sister is being a cunt though - 'free IVF' is fucking hard and I wish that on nobody