To have told 42 year old sister she’s not “suffering from infertility”

[Hellother111111]

Name change as outing (family use this site)

So backstory, me (40) and my sister (42) have a younger half sister (30) from our Dads side. She’s been struggling with infertility for years and our Dad is paying for her to have IVF. Older sister is very angry, unhappy, bitter over this. I’ve been avoiding her for months because it’s all she talks about. I don’t understand what her problem is.

I have one child (5), my older sister has three children (9, 5, 4) we have both been blessed to have gotten pregnant easily and I feel awful for our younger sister and want her to have a chance of being a parent aswell.

Anyway older sister decided a year ago she wants a fourth, and after a year of trying it hasn’t happened. I feel bad for her but she already has three so she’s not in the desperate situation our younger sister is.

Older sister phoned me today, kept going on and on and on about how unfair it is our sister is getting free IVF, that she’s also going through infertility and that no one cares about her. I said “people do care but you aren’t in the same situation as our sister, you have three kids! And most people can’t get pregnant into their forties, it’s completely normal” she went absolutely ballistic at me, hung up, sent me ten abusive texts in a row I cba to read.

Maybe I should have worded things more tactfully but she’s irritating me a lot with treatment of our younger sister, she’s going behind our backs to our Dad nagging him over this in the hopes he won’t pay for it. She’s trying to sabotage her having a baby. I’m just sad about the whole thing. Maybe I’m in the wrong. AIBU?

That has made me feel a bit better. I've been suffering with secondary infertility (plus 4 miscarriages) for 5 years and turned 40 in the summer. Reading all these comments had made me feel stupid for still thinking I had a chance!

Op, your sister is a complete bell end. My dad is contributing to our never enduring fertility and miscarriage treatment. My two sisters have been nothing but supportive, despite it being their potential inheritance.

I mean, I'm Catholic, we don't believe in IVF

don’t we???

Not even secondary infertility is it when you’re on your 4th?!

i can’t be doing with nonsense like this when people have real problems.

id have been the same as you OP but wouldn’t have sugar coated it!

Tell her to grow up and be a decent older sister

@Cuppasoupmonster No. That is the teaching of the Church. www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/human-life-and-dignity/reproductive-technology/begotten-not-made-a-catholic-view-of-reproductive-technology

Big sis needs to get a grab. She has three kids she is so lucky. I wish your little sister good luck with her IVF. What a lovely thing for your dad to do to financially help her to become a mum. Maybe slap your big sister with a big fish ??

I get the impression your sister doesn't see your younger sister as a sister like you do, more like your dad's daughter, different to you as she is not your mother's child. X

Pregnancy happens plus forty. It’s possible but reading shitty comments is heart breaking. I hope things work out for you and you get your baby.

Also give her another slap with a big fish. A sister is a sister whether half or not.

Not even secondary infertility is it when you’re on your 4th?!

@HermioneKipper Secondary infertility is considered to be any number past one. It just means the person doesn't have a primary cause of infertility from the get-go, but a secondary issue www.nhs.uk/conditions/infertility/#:~:text=secondary%20infertility%20%E2%80%93%20where%20someone%20has,is%20having%20difficulty%20conceiving%20again

She sounds vile and good on you for calling her out on it.

It’s called secondary infertility. She can get the Gp to do a day 21 progesterone test to check her levels. There’s lots that can be done before ivf.

Your older sister is throwing her toys out of the pram because she wants daddy's money and doesn't see why it should be spent on younger sister.

You were absolutely right in what you said and personally I would have told her to grow up stop acting like a brat and stop with the jealousy

I agree with this!

I'm actually wondering if the fourth child thing is just an attempt to stop the money otherwise going to your younger half sister.

I'm glad you said that, all of my peas are dropping the more that I read

why would you change your nickname if you gave enough details for anyone involved to know it is you?

sorry! Was just thinking as i always see “changed name” but u can easily know from the post if you know the person in real life

You DO have a chance. I've just had a baby at 40.

Women can keep trying as long as they want and is possible, there's still some degree of hope until you completely stop having periods at all.

(Obviously there's also often the man behind infertility, rather than the woman.)

Your older sister is a nasty nasty person. She’s got three kids and yet is trying to prevent a relative with none from being able to access IVF. Wow.

You were absolutely right to give her a reality check and absolutely correct to say that most women can’t have children in their forties.

Your sister has secondary infertility don't be so mean.

"A" Catholic view. My DH is Catholic and we have had two children by IVF. Thankfully the priest who married us had no problem whatsoever also christening our babies despite them having been conceived in an "immoral" way according to that vile, bigoted (American!) article. And my PIL's whole church congregation (in Ireland) were praying for success for us.
I do hope never to meet you IRL. My children are worth 100s of the likes of you.

Generally it's because the poster realises this specific post is identifying and doesn't want people who know them to be able to find everything they've written previously.

Is it possibly to do with seeing what she considers 'her' inheritence being squandered. Unfortunately some people do see their parents money or property like this whilst parents are still alive even though they are still entitled to spend it how they see fit obviously.

Sorry yes I knew the is but was adding to my point of incredulity at the elder sister’s behaviour

@Whalesong Catholicism isn't a subjective thing. We have authoritative Church rulings. I mean, everyone has their personal bits they find difficult but there are things we should and shouldn't do according to the Church (which defines what we should and shouldn't do.) Ask your Priest. :) Although a lot of Priests try to be 'right on' and laissez-faire nowadays but we do have official Church rulings. Maybe ask the Bishop. :)

I mean, I'm a convert so I've done loads of stuff over the years that is mortal sin, and still do as we are all sinners.

@Whalesong Even Pope Francis is anti it and he's as fluffy as they come www.americamagazine.org/issue/pope-calls-abortion-euthanasia-ivf-sins-against-god-creator But I don't want to derail the thread.