To have told 42 year old sister she’s not “suffering from infertility”

[Hellother111111]

Name change as outing (family use this site)

So backstory, me (40) and my sister (42) have a younger half sister (30) from our Dads side. She’s been struggling with infertility for years and our Dad is paying for her to have IVF. Older sister is very angry, unhappy, bitter over this. I’ve been avoiding her for months because it’s all she talks about. I don’t understand what her problem is.

I have one child (5), my older sister has three children (9, 5, 4) we have both been blessed to have gotten pregnant easily and I feel awful for our younger sister and want her to have a chance of being a parent aswell.

Anyway older sister decided a year ago she wants a fourth, and after a year of trying it hasn’t happened. I feel bad for her but she already has three so she’s not in the desperate situation our younger sister is.

Older sister phoned me today, kept going on and on and on about how unfair it is our sister is getting free IVF, that she’s also going through infertility and that no one cares about her. I said “people do care but you aren’t in the same situation as our sister, you have three kids! And most people can’t get pregnant into their forties, it’s completely normal” she went absolutely ballistic at me, hung up, sent me ten abusive texts in a row I cba to read.

Maybe I should have worded things more tactfully but she’s irritating me a lot with treatment of our younger sister, she’s going behind our backs to our Dad nagging him over this in the hopes he won’t pay for it. She’s trying to sabotage her having a baby. I’m just sad about the whole thing. Maybe I’m in the wrong. AIBU?

She sounds like such a horrible person, who seriously resents someone whose having to go through IVF?

Is your dad well off and can afford tonnes of IVF? If so she needs to ask him - but I'd suspect not in which case your younger sister needs some help

Your poor younger sister. Your older sister is being really selfish.

What's the best case? Your 42 year old sister has realised she's had her last baby and can't cope? It's good that she hasn't said anything to your younger sister, of course the situations are not the same.

Has she always been so jealous of your sister?

Your sister is a self-absorbed narcissist who always needs to be the centre of attention. You told her a well-deserved home truth. You're better off without her and so are the rest of your family.

it’s must be so sad for your younger sister going through IVF & lovely that family are helping. I had issues with getting pregnant second time eventually some 6 years later I was pregnant. My sister has been trying for 5 years and my issues second time around are no where near the pain she’s is in. I would never say I know how she feels as I don’t not really as I had a child :(

I have a friend who sounds exactly like your sister - she eventually after a while found out her husband had had a vasectomy. He was very in the wrong , he said 3 was enough, financially it was a struggle as she was also a SAHM, and he said it was his age as well. It got messy but they are still together - not the healthiest relationship.

Thank you @FlimFlam2 it all feels surreal and beyond my wildest dreams.

I really hope OPs sister is as fortunate with her treatment.

Yes, I’ve had both, and they are most definitely not in the same league. Even after 3 mcs I was acutely aware of how lucky I was to have one DC already.
Your sister is being awful, truly awful.

I’d like to hear the older sister’s version of events. Does the younger sister get a lot of attention and money from their Dad?

I don’t support the older sister’s behaviour at all, but favouritism tends to bring out the rage in some people.

YANBU at all! I think she’s worried your dad is spending ‘her’ inheritance money on IVF. Or is just an attention seeking type who doesn’t like that the spotlight (I mean who would want to be under the infertility spotlight?!) isn’t on her.

Also, you’re not really ‘suffering with infertility’ if you can’t get pregnant in your mid 40s. Most women wouldn’t be able to, it’s a natural part of ageing rather than a condition or unexplained.

Fourth kid? Ffs with 8 billion people on the planet.

She probably doesn’t. She just likes the attention to be on her.

Your older sister is being a complete and utter cowbag.

I wish your younger sister all the very best with her IVF. 🤞

Your sister is a right tit.

Clearly she has issues related to your dad having another family, presumably having separated from your mum.

Obv all of this happened many years ago. She should try to move on.

Well done on setting her straight. How mean of her to try and sabotage things for her sister.

It also sounds, in a horrible way, that she wanted to get pregnant to rub your younger sister’s nose in it.

She's not infertile, she's menopausal. Why on earth would she want to go through IVF in her 40s when she already has 3 kids? And if she does want to, why on earth would she expect someone else to pay for it?

You were right, she is completely out of line and needed to hear it

You need to straight talk with older dsis. She is so being unreasonable.

Why the everliving fuck does she want a fourth baby at 42?

I thought secondary was usually to describe difficulties having a second child. I may be wrong. OP's sister doesn't seem to have been trying for that long to be able to say she is suffering from infertility though.

Still easier than dealing with infertility when you don't have any kids though.

Is she jealous of the attention/money that your younger sister is getting?

And that there might (hopefully will) be GC younger than hers?

Neither of my sisters are on this site and I thought you had to provide a reason for name change. No one in my “close” family is on the site that I’m aware of. Most of this site is people talking about their families, husbands etc so what your saying would apply to nearly all the threads on this site?!

Well you’re outed by now I should think. 🤷🏼‍♀️