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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think someone must be able to do something - part two

1000 replies

PurpleLampShades · 14/11/2022 19:22

I’m starting a new thread as advised by some posters and because the first thread was a great source of support for me (link to first thread here).

Long story short - DS (16) is in a “relationship” with a woman 11 years older than him that I believe started before he turned 16 at the end of July, though they both denied that to police and SS. I tried everything I could think of to stop it but he walked out of the house to stay with her at the end of September and I’m struggling to maintain contact with him. I’ve barely been able to see or speak to him since he left. She has shown very controlling behaviour and he is slowly becoming isolated from me, his friends and hobbies etc. Social services are currently involved, doing an assessment, but have already said it’s very difficult to do much without him consenting to input/intervention so I think they’re trying to prepare me for a poor outcome of the assessment. I am trying to focus on keeping my relationship with him going and ensuring he knows I’m here whenever he needs me and can come home whenever he needs no questions asked.

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 19/03/2023 17:27

@PurpleLampShades 💐for you today. Xx

Sausagerolex · 19/03/2023 18:18

Hope today happened/went ok purple. I’m sure today feels hard. Thinking of you

longleggitybeastie · 19/03/2023 20:09

Sending love Purple, we're all here if you need us Flowers

AmIThatMam · 19/03/2023 20:30

Hope the meet up went well, I know today might have been tough for you. Sending positive thoughts your way x

thegirlyupnorth · 19/03/2023 21:47

Thinking of you from a mother who hasn't seen her son for several years due to being in a coercive controlling relationship.

FightingFatAt49 · 20/03/2023 10:11

Sending much love and virtual support Purple 💜 hope Saturday went well & that yesterday wasn't too hard for you.
Take care of yourself 💜

Pheefifofuckthisshit · 20/03/2023 11:29

Thinking of you @PurpleLampShades

I'm glad the lady's at the contact centre reported what she saw last week. It's a concerning sign and all of these little puzzle pieces build a picture in his case file, and it's not a good picture that it's building!

Hands around a partners throat like this is never a good sign. They were right to report it. She's clearly being very very dominating and feeling threatened by these contact centre visits.

Taking a nice snack to the visits sounds like a good idea! 🙂 I know my two boys love food lol. It's another good light piece of conversation too isn't it.

I think it's okay to tell him you miss him. Not in a heavy way, just an "I want you to know I love you and your always welcome to pop in to see me for a cuppa anytime at all. I'm not saying that to guilt trip you or anything, but I just want you to know even though you're growing up I still care."

Pheefifofuckthisshit · 20/03/2023 11:31

And I too am an advocate of the benefits of pets. Cats are very very low maintenance but lovely. After years of only having dogs I now have a ragdoll cat. She's an absolute cuddle monster, and other than chucking her some food twice a day and sifting her litter tray she's no bother. They tend to know when you're sad or poorly too and give extra snuggles. ❤️

longleggitybeastie · 20/03/2023 15:11

thegirlyupnorth · 19/03/2023 21:47

Thinking of you from a mother who hasn't seen her son for several years due to being in a coercive controlling relationship.

Sorry to hear that @thegirlyupnorth Flowers for you too

MardyHa · 22/03/2023 20:44

How are you @PurpleLampShades ? Hope things are going as well as possible.

TotallyScouting · 23/03/2023 19:51

Been thinking about you @PurpleLampShades . I hope you are okay 💐

JustFuckOffPlease · 23/03/2023 22:20

Fucking awful woman.
She's vile.

Sorry Purple I know this isn't helpful to you.

Thedogscollar · 24/03/2023 00:36

Hi Purple no need to post, totally understandable, just wanted you to know we are all still thinking of you.
I'm sure last weekend was tough for obvious reasons. I do hope you saw your boy though. Keep going on being a strong Mum and being there for your son. X

Thedogseyesareintense · 24/03/2023 08:45

Also thinking of you and no pressure for you to engage but lots of love and thoughts being sent your way

kateandme · 24/03/2023 11:56

Yes,we're all still here purple we just want you to no that.
Will be until you don't need us 💙

L1ttledrummergirl · 24/03/2023 12:08

I hope your ds met you last weekend, that it went OK and hope that you have plans to meet tomorrow. Flowers

Notjustjulie · 24/03/2023 18:00

I hope no news is good news. I'm concerned he may misguidedly feel under scrutiny by the investigation and decide not to attend. 😟

L1ttledrummergirl · 25/03/2023 20:39

I hope today worked out for you. Flowers

longleggitybeastie · 26/03/2023 15:26

Hope you are okay @PurpleLampShades. Still thinking of you. I hope very much you're being supported, however things have been going x

Trampslikeu · 26/03/2023 18:50

Been here from the start, still thinking of you and sending love and hugs ❤

Justalittlebitfurther · 26/03/2023 20:07

Just another person wishing you and you DS well. I hope you’ve had some positive meet ups 😊

SplendidUtterly · 27/03/2023 15:43

Hope you are ok purple❤

PleaseStopSayingHuBbY · 28/03/2023 02:27

Just to say we're all still thinking of you @PurpleLampShades.

PurpleLampShades · 28/03/2023 11:45

Hello. Sorry for not updating, though there isn’t really a huge amount to update to be honest. Things are the same really.

I have seen DS at the contact centre twice more. The one before last was not the best. He arrived a while before me and was nearly in tears apparently, so one of the lady’s there spent some time talking to him before I got there. He was very quiet with me so we just played cards and I forced myself to chat about really inane stuff and completely avoided talking about the hand on throat incident. He didn’t mention it either, but he must knows that I know. I also know the sw and the police did a joint visit to the gf to talk to her about it and DS was visited at college. As predicted, it was hugely played down by both of them but I’m glad it’s on the radar even so.

He gave me a mother’s day card he had stuffed/hidden in his pocket. It was a bit crumpled but I was so happy with it. It’s still sitting on the side by the telly. I find myself picking it up and looking at it multiple times a day, which is quite ridiculous I know.

The weekend just gone, the visit was marginally better. He was slightly more ‘in the room’ than the previous time. Still seemed distracted but not as much as the time before. All this must be so stressful for him. I wish I could do something to make it easier or better for him. The review meeting is next week, Tuesday, so I should find out a bit more about how things have gone with the workshops and counselling.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 28/03/2023 11:47
Flowers

Baby steps and he is on everyone's radar.

Keep on hanging in on there x

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