I managed to see him today after arranging with the DSL to get him out of a lesson a few minutes before morning break. I waited in the DSL office while they went to get him. His hair is different, he’s thinner and he does look tired in that weary kind of way. But it was literally the highlight of my year being able to see him.
He was a bit taken aback at first and became quite anxious until I asked what the matter was and he eventually said he had to phone gf as he always phones her on break and she’ll be worried if he doesn’t. So I just said, that’s fine, phone her then, which I think surprised him. I think he was expecting me to get angry about it or something. Anyway, he called her and he must have the volume up because I could hear the gist of the conversation fairly clearly and it’s really just another way for her to keep tabs on him. She was firing questions at him the whole time. She told him he was late ringing and asked why, what had he been doing? Who did he talk to in class? Who did he sit with? Where was he right now? What time did lessons finish? He didn’t tell her he was with me. Clearly, that would be an issue for her. After, he just looked upset. No other word for it.
I couldn’t help myself and just asked him some very blunt questions. I asked if he was scared of her, whether he was actually happy with her and whether she has hurt him physically or emotionally. Obviously, he denied all that and told me she loves him and worries about him and does everything she can to make him happy. He said sometimes it’s intense but she is helping him to be better. When I asked him to elaborate on that he just said he was shit at everything and nobody else would ever bother with him. His self confidence is shattered but he can’t see it.
I told him how devastating this whole thing has been for me, how much I worry about him, how I can’t sleep for worrying about him, how much I miss seeing him, how upsetting it is seeing him look so unhappy. I suppose I basically just said everything I’ve been holding in for all these months. He just responded with he’s fine, everything is fine, she’s great, life is great, no need to worry. Like that will erase the concerns and worry. He said he wished I could get on with her and repeated the whole she’s scared of you, you make her nervous thing.
So now I think, well maybe I should start inviting them over. Put a note in their door. Even though I said after Christmas last year I never wanted her in my house again. Maybe it’s come to this? Try to kill her with kindness. I don’t know. I told him about reverse call charge phone calls and how to do them (thanks for suggesting that) and said he can call anytime. He said thanks, gave me a hug and that was how it was left. I don’t know what it means, whether progress has been made, or any difference or what. But at least I saw and spoke to him. I’ll hold onto that.