Thanks everyone, for the thoughts and good wishes. The visit went okay I think. It was SO good to see him after so many weeks with no contact, I can’t even tell you. I know I was missing him but didn’t realise just how much until saw him. I welled up a little bit to be honest.
He was ten minutes late so I was panicking that he wouldn’t turn up but he did. He looked tired and like he’s lost a little bit of weight to me, and he was a bit tense and not very talkative to start with but did seem to relax after a while. I even got a hug at the end. I took the chess set and the escape room thing for him to choose from. We played a bit of chess and chatted about little things, life in general - the football results, some stuff in the news, films etc. I was very careful not to go anywhere near the topics of gf, counselling, college and he didn’t say anything about them either. It meant there was a giant elephant in the room but we both tried to ignore it it seems. I have no idea what the gf thinks about us meeting. I hope she is being supportive but given how tense/anxious he was at the beginning I’m not so sure. He seemed a lot more hesitant in conversation than he usually is, almost like he’s thinking through what to say before he says it. But then, I may have appeared like that too I suppose, because I was trying so hard not to say anything that would upset or trigger him.
His phone was in his pocket to start, on silent, but I could hear it buzzing every so often, then he left it on the table. I’d estimate in the hour we were there he got over twenty messages. Of course, they might not have all been from her but it’s likely, given he’s not really got any friends left. He didn’t check it every time it buzzed but I would say most times he did. He did say sorry, that he just had to check and reply a couple of times. I just tried to busy myself with the chess board or something else each time so he didn’t feel like I was watching him. Every time it buzzed I could see him tense up a little. Whether that was from the actual messaging or that he was expecting me to say something I don’t know. Perhaps a combination of both. I wanted to say something but bit my tongue. Why can’t she just leave him alone for an hour? What does she think is going to happen?
It was the new phone that she got him. I debated with myself over asking for the number but decided to leave it for now. He didn’t offer it either so maybe it’s too soon for that. I would love to be able to text with him again though.
I had a bit of a cry in the car afterwards. I don’t even know why really. It was all a bit overwhelming and maybe it was a release of the emotion I had to hold back whilst seeing him. I just wanted to bundle him in the car and take him home with me.