For welcoming Jennifer Anniston’s honesty about her struggle to have children

[RhubarbRocks]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-63576100

As someone who went though multiple rounds of unsuccessful IVF in my late 30s and early 40s it’s good to see this normalised in the news. It sometimes feels very isolating when you can’t have children (not least here when it’s sometimes questioned why childless women are here - I joined during ivf and have stayed for all the other non child related chats!)

So not really an AIBU but maybe a question/observation about the assumptions we make about whether a woman does/doesn’t have children.

Someone who pays attention???

I actually could not care less about Jennifer Aniston or if she has kids or ever even wanted them. I was here for the discussion around infertility and egg freezing.

As for whatever nonsense you're going on about I think Jennifer Aniston is a more reliable source on Jennifer Aniston than JennyNotFromTheBlock on Mumsnet. Regardless of how much attention you have paid.

Keep up what act? The narrative in the media was that she didn't want children. Surely keeping up the act is to have not shared that actually she did want children and went to great lengths to have a chance and it never happened for her.

The fact that she is now 53 and shared this in an interview (which seemed to catch the interviewer by surprise as well) suggests that she has processed and accepted all the shit she went through to have children. She has no reason to lie or to bring it up now. But I am grateful that she has openly shared and shows us that it is possible to be happy and content without children. I struggle with that a lot, so hearing someone who has been through similar to me, not get the 'miracle baby' but still lives a happy life means a lot.

Thank you for proving that people simply cannot accept that she may have lied, and this is why Aniston has kept up the act. You prove my point, by attacking me, the messenger, than you know. That you're so horrified at the thought that someone (many of us, in fact) feels she's lying, that you cannot even conceive for a moment the pressure on here to be someone her fanbase wants that she doesn't want, is my entire point.

Women who want to have biological children of their own but don't actually get serious about looking for a marital partner until they are already 30 or so, remind me a bit of those people who are always late for everything they do because of the inability to mentally plan backwards---if they need to get to a place at 12:00pm and it's 30 minutes travel away from their home, they don't start getting ready until it's 11:50 because they're not factoring in all the time required to do all the things that need to be done before they arrive.

This is so horrible, smug and judgmental. As if any woman is unaware of any of this - it is rammed down our throats every damn day!

One of my best friends was so serious about having kids that she broke up with her boyfriend at 21 when he couldn’t say whether he wanted kids or not. She’s now 40 and still doesn’t have them. She has spent almost 20 years trying to find the right person to settle down and have kids with and has had lots of serious relationships but they’ve all broken down for one reason or another after a few years. That’s just how life goes sometimes. Why is it so hard to accept that sometimes it doesn’t work out exactly as it’s supposed to, even if someone tries their hardest to make it happen? What about the women who do meet husbands in their early 20s when they’re ‘supposed’ to, but those husbands unexpectedly pass away? Nobody’s life works to an exact timeline even when they try to make it all fit.

I hope my friend never reads this and learns how many people are apparently looking at her and thinking ‘well that’s her fault for leaving it too late, how very disorganised of her’.

She said she wanted children, - because she knew that was the draw for her fans when she was doing her interviews to promote movies and products. But her actions show otherwise. The fact that she uses babies in all her interviews as her go-to schtick would not surprise any interviewer at all, or any follower of her. It's what she does. She protests too much.

I don't care of she is telling the truth or lying, I really don't have the time or the inclination to speculate whether she is telling the truth or not. I'm not horrified by the fact you think she is lying, I'm horrified someone would hijack a conversation about fertility struggles to turn it into an 'i hate Jennifer Aniston' thread. It's not the place.

Why don't you make your own AIBU to think JA is lying thread?

The thread is an AIBU "for welcoming Jennifer Aniston's 'honesty' about her struggle to have children."

My replies are completely on topic. You may not agree with what I say, that's fine. But I am abiding by the actual title, the topic of the thread.

Her actions of having years of ivf to try to have a child, "prove otherwise"? Ok then.

Her actions of having years of ivf to try to have a child, "prove otherwise"? Ok then.

Her actions of working back to back, partying, drinking don't support her having ivf. That's my point. You really believe everything she says don't you. There is simply no critical thinking or analysis there.

@GetOffTheRoof

I’m literally replying to a specific poster who said they didn’t think about children till later because they were too busy doing other things and children weren’t important enough - I’m not addressing every childless person ever. Should have been obvious because of the @ which signifies a response to another posters comment

@Willyoujustbequiet

What is a matter of public record is that Ange has said Brad is abusive in their custody struggles. That hardly makes it a fact in public record. The public record is just what she says. He says otherwise and says things about her too. Are they all a matter of public record and therefore true simply because he said them?

@caroleanboneparte I’m pretty sure it’s the women who aren’t wanting to have children then but instead travel and do the things you mentioned who are the cause of them not having children. If anything “patriarchal” society is telling them to have children.

First off it’s the patriarchies fault that women are expected to have kids young. Now it’s the patriarchies fault women aren’t having children young lol.

No, these women are literally choosing to put it off to their 30’s. that alright they just need to be aware of the risks

Have you done ivf yourself?

You have seen snippets of her life. I have worked through ivf in a senior role and been out to parties, seen friends etc all whilst doing injections in my car or shoving pessaries in the toilet, come out with a fake smile and got on with it. I have also withdrawn and not been present at work whilst having treatment. Other than the people who need to know (my boss), no one else has any idea that I've done those things. Also, treatment is over a set time. So all the other times you might see someone who is desperate for a child and is actively trying, you'd likely have no idea. But believe me, it consumes every waking thought.

I think the person showing lack of critical thinking here is you.

@caroleanboneparte

”free 24/7 childcare”? Why even bother with kids if you want someone else to raise them 24/7

@caroleanboneparte

i don’t feel duped and the things you describe as frivolous I bloody love and still do!

I wasn’t duped..:I knew I could have had kids in my twenties but that would have meant I wouldn’t have been able to progress in my education and training they way I have not travel. And I was prepared to sacrifice that. It was my doing not society

@StrangerThanFiction2 Everyone’s window is different but everybody knows that the common factor in the window diminishing is age. Anyone with any common sense should know that late 30’s is not an ideal time to start trying for a baby if you have none and have always wanted them.

Also I’m pretty sure most adoptive parents and adopted kids don’t see it as a “very very different thing to having your own biological child” and it’s you who are doing them a massive disservice by suggesting they do.

What is it with Mumsnet and weird attitudes about adoption?

@JennyNotFromTheBlock

are you supposed to have no life when doing ivf then?

What is it with Mumsnet and weird attitudes about adoption?

I don't know, what is it with Mumsnet and women without children being liars, stupid, selfish and bad at general timekeeping?

@VenusStarr

Dont bother with that one. It’s nuts, Aniston says she had IVF and tried to conceive and there reaction is it’s a continuation of an elaborate decades long lie she’s telling lol

Well said

@FirewomanSam

If she’s spent almost 20 years finding the right person to settle down with that suggests that her personality is the cause of her not having children not just pure chance. Most people could find someone they thought was ok to have kids with in a lot less than 20 years

Jesus.

Wow, you're a piece of work aren't you.

Women going through IVF, as many on here have or are, work full time, have a social life, may be seen with a glass in their hands.

You have a weird fixation on her lying. Maybe start a new thread and stop pissing all over women struggling with infertility - as you've been asked to do repeatedly on here.

Having dcs was my number one priority in life.

I find that rather sad. It puts too much pressure on you, especially if it is difficult to achieve. Surely it should just be one of your aims in life, not the only one.

@JessicaTooManyRabbits

some people don’t want to settle though for someone just alright, decent enough to have kids with

I guess if your main thing you want from a relationship is to have kids then you might settle

though as I say the women I know who have done this are not happy now. Their kids are not enough to compensate for their unhappy marriage