To think friend is being mean?

[PhuketReject]

There’s a band I love - friend and her boyfriend love them too. They are American and not toured in the UK for years.

I asked friend if she wanted to go and she said she’s already going with boyfriend. Which is fine, I’m just not sure why we couldn’t all go together. I don’t think her boyfriend has an issue with me.

I don’t have anyone else to go with who will pay that much to see a band they’ve likely never heard of.

Can you just come out with it and say, do you mind if I tag along with you two?

Have you asked ?

I asked her if she’d like to go together and she said she was already going with boyfriend. So kind of obvious response if she was ok with me joining would be to say at that point.

If she hasn't offered, I would she was planning it as a date night. She's not being mean. If you want a definitive answer, do as the poster above suggested - ask.

im torn on this one and I think it depends on what they’re doing beforehand. Tbh if you were my pal I’d offer to meet you at the venue if I’d planned a romantic dinner beforehand. I wouldn’t like to see someone miss out.

ps - what band is it???

I don’t know what they’re doing beforehand, they probably don’t know either as it’s a few months away. But I wouldn’t expect to crash any date.

Is it the type of gig to have seating or standing only ?

If they have already bought tickets you would probably not be able to get a seat near them anyway, although you could still travel together. I think as you have already mentioned it and she didn't ask you to join them that she's not keen for you to go with them. I can sort of understand that. I don't think it's mean.

I'd guess Blink 182.
Just go on your own, nobody will notice

Maybe they just want to share that experience as a couple, they aren't 'mean' for that choice. Being with a friend as well will change the dynamic somewhat, making sure you don't feel left out during the concert.

go alone? who is the band, some crowds are great and you can go alone. Others, not so much.
Makes a difference if it's seated or not too

It’s all standing. It’s small venue that has bands that probably couldn’t fill an arena.

It’s not Blink 182. I’m not gatekeeping the band but obviously it makes it very outing.

We’ve all been to see them before.

Would you not just buy a ticket and go yourself? At least you'd know they were there if anything happened, but you don't necessarily need to go with them. Would there not be any fan forums or anything you could look at, maybe there's other people that don't have anyone that wants to go to their particular gig with them!

Its not necessarily mean, they could’ve planned it as a date night, birthday surprise or any number of other things. Don’t ask to go with them, that’s humiliating for you and awkward for them.

is there no one else you can ask?

I don’t think it’s mean I am sorry, I think it’s disappointing for you but you are not entitled to go with them and habe their company. They are likely taking it as a date night, it’s a very different animal a couple going than the three of you. It won’t be personal. Do you not have any other friends who would be willing to go with your? I’ve went to a few gigs with friends that just isn’t my thing, but I’ve went as they wanted to go and wanted someone to go with. I think good frirnfd do this.

Why do you have to go with someone? Go by yourself. They clearly want to experience this gig together, so you'd only feel like a third wheel anyway.

I think it's mean! A friend would say - I'm already going with boyfriend, get a ticket and join us!

I can see why you'd be a bit upset, OP.

Seeing bands is a bit of a unique thing, it's it. If you're really into them and have seen other bands as a trio I can totally see why you feel sad that you haven't been included.

I'm not into live music but my sister and her husband are. They have friends who love certain bands with them. They'd always share info about tickets and planning when a big tour is announced.

I feel sorry for you.

Just go on your own. That’s what I do when I can’t find anyone who wants to join me. Concerts are usually friendly and I’ve met some nice people doing this. Even if you’re an introvert and don’t want to chat to strangers, that’s fine - you’ll be watching the performance; it’s not like you really need other people to do that with.

If it was Blink 182 I was about to comment that this EXACT scenario has just happened to me with my friend and her bf and suggest we team up and go 😂😂

or do you have other music loving friends that fancy trying out a new band? I'll generally go to see (almost) anyone once.

It’s not mean, she’s already made plans to see them with someone else. Plenty of people wouldn’t want one friend tagging along with them on a night out as a couple.

She's not being mean. It's obvious that she and her boyfriend have planned this as a special date night.

Ha I wouldn’t mind seeing them, I had their 2003 album on repeat for a long time.

Why’s it’s a “special” date night? You’re saying this as if you know them, so please elaborate.