To think friend is being mean?

[PhuketReject]

There’s a band I love - friend and her boyfriend love them too. They are American and not toured in the UK for years.

I asked friend if she wanted to go and she said she’s already going with boyfriend. Which is fine, I’m just not sure why we couldn’t all go together. I don’t think her boyfriend has an issue with me.

I don’t have anyone else to go with who will pay that much to see a band they’ve likely never heard of.

I think it's disappointing for you, and understandable you feel that way, but not actually mean. She's not actively trying to hurt you (I think it's reasonable to assume), she has simply decided who she is going on an event with, and she's decided it's going to be her and her boyfriend this time. There are myriad unknowable reasons that she might want to go just as a couple, even if the event isn't a stereotypical date night activity.

Personally I would allow myself to feel disappointed but then try and let it go, and decide whether to go to the gig alone or skip it.

Friends are not obliged to accompany you just because you want to.

Yeah, nobody's obliged to do anything ever. So silly to expect to go to a concert with your friend who is also a fan and you've been with before. Never expect anything from anyone. I think upthread there's also been no is a full sentence 😂 for a concert with a friend. AIBU at it's best 👌

A tiny list of other things that nobody's obliged to do:

-say I do at the altar
-love your children
-get on a bus you've hailed
-offer someone a tissue when they cry

Please read my first message where I said something along the lines of they haven't been before, otherwise I could understand the expecting to go together.

OP confirmed they hadn't been together before, the comment was misleading, they have all been to see the band before but not together. There was no precedent for them going together.

I wouldn't think to ask someone else to tag along if I was going on a date with my partner. Unless it was to a book fair or something of that nature. But going to a concert to me is like a "date" unless I was going with a group of people. I don't think your friend is being mean at all.

You literally contradict yourself

Anyway, date a book fair? You sound interesting.

I don’t know if your friend is being mean, or if she just has the night planned as a special date night. And it seems you don’t either, so probably best to assume good faith unless she has form for the being mean scenario (in which case, best to distance yourself from her).

You could go on your own (it gives you more opportunity to meet people, which can be fun). Or you could invite someone. Use a fan forum to find someone else who’s going alone. Or, you said in your OP that you didn’t know anyone who would pay “that much” to see a band they hadn’t heard of but if the tickets are £22 and it’s in your home town so travel costs are minimal, couldn’t you pay for a friend? It would be a way to introduce someone else to their music and then you’d have more people around you who love this band.

Just go on your own? I literally reached that conclusion when I was about 17. Sometimes if you don’t go on your own you don’t get to go and do the stuff you want to do.

Agree with Angelil.
If you ask friends, they'll um and ah, and they'll let you down by dithering, or pull out at the last minute, leaving you with an unused ticket you've paid for.
I've been too concerts on my own and it's been fine.

I do it all the time. Tend only to be my city or the next big one across so I train out of the local town. Sometimes people are chatty, sometimes not. I've seen Bastille alone and Walk The Moon and I'm seeing Pink. Alone. Do it.

It’s thoughtless possibly. We don’t know full context. Some people are just bloody thoughtless. Which is why by experiencing the crap end of the stick can make you more empathetic. Some people never do.

@PhuketReject so have you booked a ticket yet?

I think you’re being ridiculous.
She wants to go with her boyfriend. End of. If she wanted you to go too, she would have offered you to
join when you asked her to go and she said she was already going.

stop being so entitled and find someone else or go by yourself.

my god

Why don’t you book a ticket and go on your own? Then you may well end up bumping into her there anyway

At every gig I’ve been to recently , there are loads of people there by themselves . Dancing quite happily on their own. I’d suggest to try it. You might hate it but if you love the band I’d say give it a go ?

Just go 😊 you'll probably meet some nice new friends there 😊

Just go on your own. I once went to a concert for a famous international band on my own as no one else wanted to pay the price for tickets.

Yes she’s being mean!

Why do u need company to see your favourite band? I always go on my own to see mine, can enjoy without worrying about whether someone is.

mam0918
Its not mean to not cancel your prearranged plans.
Its not mean to refuse to impose on someone else.
Its not mean to want to do something with your partner
OPs life experiance means NOTHING, she doesnt get to impose herself on others and others and doing anything wrong by sticking to their oringinal plans before OP tried to gate crash. The lack of self awareness from 3rd wheels and their entitlement is utterly embarrasing

Its not necessary to post so unpleasantly either ...especially when the points dont really link to anything the OP actually said. The "lack of self awareness" of some posters is pretty gob smacking in my view!

How often do you tag along with this particular couple OP? Couples sometimes need space away from friends and more is not always merrier

Is it Everclear? Go on your own, problem solved.

Honestly if you like them just go on your own. I’m married but DH and I have very different tastes at times so I’ve gone to see things like Nashville and Claire Bowan on my own because o don’t have local friends into them. Generally end up chatting to others and being ‘adopted’ by them. I met the most interesting couple at the Nashville gig and spent ages talking away and danced the night away with them.

your friend probably doesn’t realise. Some people don’t. It’s just part of our egocentric lives.

I get why you're upset @PhuketReject , I'd feel a bit put out too. Also, is it Black Veil Brides?

Unfortunately it simply sounds like she’d rather have a date night with her partner than have you attend (or have you as a third wheel). I’d leave it as that, unless you can go alone or find someone else to come with you. I definitely wouldn’t push it, otherwise she would’ve said ‘come along’, and you don’t want to be there if she’s there thinking / saying to her partner ‘I’d rather it just be us 2’. Nothing personal against you, sure it’s be the same with anyone who wanted to join. Try to let it be, and not think it’s anything about your friendship. And this is having been on both sides of the stick myself.

If she's going with her boyfriend, I wouldn't want to be a third wheel anyway. I wouldn't want anyone else to come if my boyfriend and I were going to a gig, unless it was another couple we were very friendly with.